Jeffrey Alan Payne - Doczine

However, instead of being a downtrodden sot, he had an attitude like he was a bigmarket programming consultant. He read the industry journal Radio and Records,religiously from cover to cover every week and liked to drop names of people like heknew them. He also had the aura of a dangerously oppressed and cunning sociopathicstooge, waiting in the corridors of his own quiet humiliation, while preparing to assert hisdominance as soon as fate allowed him the opportunity.His esteem could not have benefited from us inviting him in the studio during Jim’spedicure. When he entered the room, Jim had his feet in a plastic foot soaking tub, rightthen I turned on the microphone and said, “Hey, here’s someone that could use awaxing!” What do you think Wookie? It’s on the house. Your wife will love it.”Yes, someone determined that they should marry this creature. She was actually veryWookie-like herself, but a very nice person. Regardless of attributes, Jim once said, “Idon’t care how nice she is. He could be banging Mother Theresa, for all I care. I can’teven imagine watching an amateur porn film of these two in the throes of their animalhusbandry…..goddamn disturbing to think about.” It told him that the fact that hereferred to Mother Theresa in that situation was, on its own, disturbing.What we did to him that day was in all actuality a very mean gesture, but we couldn’tstand the guy. He protested, but we were emphatic about the idea. The phone rang,during our commercials. It was Ron, “Rick, let me talk to Wookie.”For two minutes we could hear Ron’s voice chattering through the receiver; it soundedlike a phone call on the Flintstones. I actually visualized Wilma getting a call from thepolice, to bail Fred out for shoplifting a Brontosaurus roast or driving their floorless carafter drinking too much grog. Wookie huffed and puffed partial sentences of protest,then put down the phone. “Ron said I got to do it. Just don’t make fun of me in front ofthe listeners. I have a lot of fans myself, out there.”Jim smiled like the proverbial Cheshire Cat, “No problem Wook. We wouldn’t do that.”Wookie took off his shirt and the nice pedicurist and her pretty assistant both gasped inhorror. The young assistant actually put her hand over her mouth to punctuate herrevulsion. At that moment, it was time to turn the mike back on.I described the scenario in front of us and proceeded to describe the progression of hairremoval upon what looked like some sort of mythical creature. We made comments like“You could make a toupee out of the throwaways.”Wookie’s eyes darted around the studio in obvious disgust, mortification and sheerhatred for us. We put a microphone right next to his body as the wax made itshorrendous tissue-tearing noise, whenever the grimacing young esthetician ripped off astrip of wax. Wookie howled in agony and we would howl with laughter. To his credit, Ithink he put on a bit of the pain, to enhance the comedic impact of the event; however,there had to be some genuine skin-stinging discomfort. He was a walking fur coat withnipples.49