Philippa Murray Philippa Murray

I am still alive,
and well, and
living off the
grid! Touch and
go there for a
while because
this winter just
about had me
beat. I burned
twenty-four cords of wood, more than I’ve ever
used before. Most of my time was spent removing
snow or in creative thought. Not much else to do up here on Crayfish Creek in the
winter. My thoughts generally lean towards better ways of heating the house or
new ways of creating power. The turbine worked great all winter, until six weeks
ago when all my improvements started failing due to frost heaving. Nothing wrong
with the turbine, but to invent a way to use some of the wasted heat going up the
chimney to make power would be awesome. The wood stove is going 24/7 anyway.
So, I have come up with an idea for that. More to come. Also, while straining my
brain, I have come up with an answer for world peace, anti-gravity, cheap fuel and
perpetual motion. Why not a freshwater pipeline to dry areas all over the world
from places that have lots of water? It is done with oil, why not water?
I’m not the only one who has come up with marvelous marvels. Several years ago
someone decided that in the best interests of the planet, instead of using petroleumbased
plastic to insulate wires why not use vegetable oil-based plastic? Green
forever! Hooray! Time passed and automobile manufacturers, I won’t say which
ones, received complaints; short circuits, fires and all sorts of electrical problems. It
turned out that vegetable-based plastic is food, and is digestible, by just about any
critter. Critters like MICE THAT ATE THE INSULATION OFF THE WIRES OF MY
SOLAR PANELS! #$%&@#* The insulation was not just chewed, it had been eaten,
digested and shat out! The entire six-foot length! While doing some repair work, I
noticed the verminizeds wires, which unfortunately plug into the panels and cannot
be put into any kind of conduit or pipe. The trick is to keep the wires flexible so the
panels can be tilted. Luckily, because I have many horseshoes in dark places and I
pray to the proper Deities, the wires
were twisted and could not be eaten
where the wires actually touched so
no damage occurred to the system.
Ah, bullet dodged. I used someone
else’s marvel called “Magic Tape” to
wrap each wire individually and then
then all together. This tape is similar
to black hockey tape but when it
is stretched and wrapped around
something it sticks and fuses to itself
making a solid piece of weatherproof
rubber.
About ten years ago I dodged
another bullet, once again because of
the horseshoes and Deities, although
startling good looks and a wondrous
personality helped. I arrived home
and smelled burning paper. The
pellet stove was out although the
hopper was full. Strange! Something
burning. Checked the whole house
then the attic. Holy @#&* it was
full of smoke and the cellulose
insulation, a paper-product not
supposed to burn, was smoldering
around the pellet stove pipe. How?
I had installed the required 18”
metal cone over the pipe to keep
the heat away from the insulation
and everything had been inspected
and besides, pellet stoves don’t have
chimney fires anyway. Right, unless
the idiot who sold you the package
gave you a chimney cap that was
meant for a propane fireplace! After
the smoldering insulation was put
out and the three lightly charred
joists cleaned up, it seems there had
indeed been a chimney fire. Smoke
couldn’t vent-out properly because
of the cap, creosote had built up
and a chimney fire resulted. The
pipe was built to take that kind
of heat, but the heat was enough
to melt, and then ignite, the glue
on the back of the C.S.A. sticker,
higher up the stovepipe. (Canadian
Standards Association - you know
the place where things are tested to
make sure they are safe). The sticker
then slid down the pipe to the cone
and fell, burning, onto the cellulose
insulation. The yellow track of the
melted glue was very visible and
the sticker was still there, black and
crispy but with the C.S.A. label - still
readable. The point of fire was the
burning label! How many house fires
have burning C.S.A. labels caused?
Horseshoes I tell you! Horseshoes,
another marvel.
Off the Grid
Marvelous
Marvels
Peter Cloutier - Main Street
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loves to play and cuddle.
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