The Partner Channel Magazine Fall 2016

So, how’s that for persuasion in why you should learn to argue? If it has peaked your interest, all change begins
with desire, and all change is stalled or ignored without it. If you have the desire to whet your appetite with tools
for arguing, read on.
TOOL #1: PICK YOUR BATTLES AND KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
ARGUING AND FIGHTING.
A fine coach of mine, Ms. Robertson, once told my “scrappy” self that I didn’t always have to engage in the fight,
the cause, the argument, the debate, you name it. It was absolutely liberating to choose what arguments to take
on. Some of us take on everything. On the other hand, some take on nothing, and suppressed arguing becomes
a “whack a mole” of unforeseen behaviors. What’s the difference between arguing and fighting? Heinrichs (2015)
states that the difference between an argument and a battle is “in a fight each constituent tries to win the battle,
and in an argument each constituent tries to win the opponent over.” Be clear with your intentions. If you want to
be right, instead of doing what is right, you will probably be in a full-scale fight. If you want to win over the person
to move forward, you are probably in the right frame of mind to argue. “To win a deliberate argument, don’t try to
outscore your opponent. Try instead to get your way.” (Heinrichs, 2015).
TOOL #2: NEVER FIGHT A LOGICAL ARGUMENT WITH EMOTION AND AN
EMOTIONAL ARGUMENT WITH LOGIC.
Imagine you come home at night to vent to your partner about what an awful day you have had with such an
awful person. Your partner has two choices – fix it or listen. Logically, some want to fix it because they love you.
Emotionally, some know to just listen and empathize. Sometimes winning an argument is empathy first, logic and
results second. The real brilliant arguer knows the difference.
TOOL #3: PICK THE RIGHT TYPE OF ARGUMENT TO HAVE.
There are three types of arguments. Past tense, which sounds like, “Why didn’t you get that report to me on time?”
The search is for blame, and the argument focuses on what and who to blame. The second type is values-based and
sounds like, “Can you believe she doesn’t come in to work at 9:00 a.m. every day?” The argument is about values
around work ethic and work style. They are typically present-tense arguments. The future-tense argument is one
that focuses on moving forward to create choice and problem resolution. It typically sounds like, “I know I made
you mad when we couldn’t agree on the release date of a new product. What can we do in the future to create better
processes for release date timing?” Most successful arguers focus on moving their idea forward into the future and
creating choice. In an age of constant change, opportunity, and turmoil, it’s easy to feel incompetent in where and
how you fit with the iCloud software, the 365 nature of software, the Microsoft model, etc.; however, instead of
focusing on the past, how about ask yourself in heated debates, “How do we move forward at what is important
If you let arguing, which is a natural
result of humanness, affect your
relationships, you are denying yourself
one of the greatest motivators on the path
to self-actualization.
48 FALL 2016 | THEPARTNERCHANNEL.COM