Ink Drift - July

Issue 12 - Fear
Madness
the other seventeen, her beautiful eyes I
had fallen in love with years ago, bulge
outwards. I just have to close my eyes to
see her falling down the cliff, flailing and
writhing against gravity. The banyan tree
and its spirits won’t let me forget or the
crows. Fear never lets me forget my sins,
you see.
Madness
Aakriti Jaswant
The morning rays of the sun fall on my
face and wake me up. It’s 7:30 am. As I get
up, my mother peeks into my room at the
same time, smiles and says - “rise and shine
my dear! rise and shine”. But I’m unable
to respond to her chirpiness, a heavy feeling
of anxiety creeps up and settles on my
chest. I have to leave for work by 9 but this
heaviness sitting on top of me, makes me
wish only if I could stay in bed all day and
do nothing, even the thought of meeting,
talking, laughing with people drains me. I
get up, unsure, hesitant, carrying that feeling
of burden still latched on to me. After
freshening up, I go downstairs to meet my
mother and decide to explicitly tell her to
stop her irritating morning cheerfulness. I
meet her downstairs, busy making breakfast
and as soon as I am about to confront
her, she says – “good morning dear, I was
just about to call for you, I thought you
were still sleeping, come on have your
breakfast”. As I sit on the table with a confused
feeling, she asks me – “what is the
matter, dear? Why do you look so lost?” I
ask her- “mom, did you not just come to
my room and say, “rise and shine dear,
rise and shine”, then why did you say that
you were about to call for me?” My mother
responds with another confused look and
says – “No dear, I never came up to your
room, I was downstairs the entire time”.
We both looked at each other for two min-
utes, unsure, hesitant and I, dreading of
what was about to come next. I finally say,
“it’s ok mom, it maybe is just my imagination”.
My mom’s expression change from
confusion to perplexity and sitting across
me she says – “ What is going on? Your
surly face, your disinterest in work, your
avoiding all types of communication and
your frequent IMAGINATIONS!” shrieking
at the last word and flaying her hands
in an animated fashion. “I’m genuinely
concerned now”, she continues, “don’t
you think we should go see a doctor?” At
this point I start to feel tense and anxious
and shout out at her, “Mom, I’m fine,
stop bothering me! By doctor you mean a
shrink, so you think my mood swings are
madness now?” and I leave in a huff, leaving
behind my concerned mother.
As I sit on my desk, after completing the
herculean task of smiling and wishing
good morning to everyone at my office,
I go over the recent events of my life.
Things have definitely changed; I have
lost interest at work. My desk, my room,
my life is a mess, I don’t even feel like
dressing up and my mom is in a constant
state of worry over me. Maybe this all
started after my father’s death. I shared a
very close bond with him. He understood
my introverted nature, he was my only
friend, with whom I could share anything,
I remember the evenings spent over tea,
where we talked about anything. All this
changed with a car crash. I lost him. All
this was fine, withdrawal symptoms they
fancily call it. But my ‘imaginations’ were
new and different, they began recently
and rapidly, clouding my mind completely
when it happened, making it seem so
vivid. Sometimes the birds from my window
I could see not in one colour but in
all types of different colours, slowly they
would start convoluting, as I would keep
on staring, finally causing a sharp heaviness
in my head and blacking me out. I
saw my father and myself sitting on the
same bench in our garden the other day,
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