Healthy RGV Issue 107 - October Has Us Thinking Pink

HEALTHY KIDS · OCTOBER 2017
When parents hear the word
sibling, words like rivalry,
argument or competition
typically surface. But siblings
encompass much more than
these negative terms – they can be one of the
greatest gifts that a parent can give a child. Let’s
take a moment to focus on the blessings of
siblings.
A SIBLING CAN BE ONE
OF THE GREATEST GIFTS
THAT A PARENT CAN
GIVE A CHILD.
Siblings offer lifelong support. One of the best
gifts a parent can give a child is another who
completely understands life with parents. Their
own parents. When our children were older, I
often heard them discussing how crazy life with
my husband and I could be. In many ways, siblings
offer moral support for one another because
they know firsthand what it was like growing up
with a parent who was, perhaps, too strict, overly
anxious or who held high expectations of behavior.
A sibling can help another gain insight into their
feelings and shared experiences and often realign
confused thoughts.
Sibling can help one another gain insight into their
feelings and shared experiences.
Siblings offer companionship. Parents of twins
have told me that their children seem to have
their own language – one that no one else can
understand. Since siblings experience life under
the same roof, they often form a bond that is
stronger than friendship – particularly when the
circumstances are painful. While many of the
dynamics of sibling relationships that formed
in unhealthy environments need to be worked
through – some of these relationships arise
stronger in positive ways. Experienced pain draws
many children closer together.
Siblings offer commitment. Many adults go
through divorce but far fewer siblings go through
estrangement. This may be due to the fact that
people have fewer expectations of siblings than of
spouses and this may be a good thing. We assume
that our siblings will love us and be there for us
and we don’t feel the need to ask or demand a
lot from them. We are comfortable getting what
we get and accepting it. In short, it’s easier to
accept our sibling’s faults and frailties in more
unconditional ways than we do our spouses.
Parents can have a very positive impact on their
children’s relationships. Here are five things that
parents can do to foster strong sibling friendships.
01
Teach siblings that they are expected
to watch out for one another. Rather
than constantly focusing on keeping
kids from competing with one another, talk about
the support that siblings can and should offer
one another. Have each child attend athletic
games or concerts that the sibling is in. Encourage
each child to offer words of encouragement –
especially when the other child is having a hard
time.
02
Make siblings share. Once
upon a time, children shared
bedrooms and the idea of each
having his own room was an enigma. This
is simply not true anymore. Children have
become accustomed to believing they should
have their own space. To counter this, have
your children share a common play space,
an electronic device (yes, really) or even a
bedroom. Siblings may need to negotiate but
this isn’t all bad. Show them how to work out
sharing and come to a compromise. You’ll be
surprised how well kids can actually do this
when you tell them they have to. Many learn
to negotiate well early in life.
10 HEALTHY MAGAZINE
MAKING SIBLINGS
SHARE TEACHES THEM
HOW TO NEGOTIATE
AND COMPROMISE.
03 experience shared “grief” if you
Make sure that family rules apply
to everyone. When children
will, they bond with one another. Sharing
the same family rules helps children bond
together – especially if they don’t like them.
For instance, curfews help children form an
alliance because most kids don’t like them
but they have to abide by them.
04 a birthday, have the other
Have children celebrate one
another. When one child has
children help plan a simple celebration. Don’t
do it all yourself – instead, ask each child to
add something special. One can help grocery
shop, one can help bake, one can help wrap
a gift or two. When you involve everyone in
a celebration of another, siblings draw closer
to one another.
INVOLVING
EVERYONE IN FAMILY
CELEBRATIONS HELPS
SIBLINGS DRAW
CLOSER TO ONE
ANOTHER.
05 and experience a challenge,
Give them shared experiences.
When families come together
they forge strong bonds. The challenge
can be very relative – like going camping
and pitching a tent. Children who are
asked to come together with the family
and participate in some type of work (that
they are unfamiliar with or that they don’t
necessarily like at first) come away from the
experience closer.
Raising siblings that get along and want to be with
one another when they are grown is the dream of
every parent. Siblings can be one of the greatest
joys a person can have in life. And with a bit of
help (and some luck) most parents can help this
happen.
By Meg Meeker, MD