21022018 - APC CRISIS LATEST :Governor demolishes senator's house

30—VANGU
ANGUARD, ARD, WEDNESDAY, , FEBRUARY 21, 2018
I need to let him know I fancy him!
Dear Bunmi,
I’m 24 years old and up until
about a year ago, I had strong
views about getting married.
I promised myself I wouldn’t
settle down until I turn at
least 28.
But now, my attitudes have
changed dramatically and I
think I have met the perfect
man for me.
We have been very good
friends for about three years
I still love my ex!
Dear Bunmi,
I‘m still madly in love with
my ex and it’s making it
impossible for me to move on.
I have never known for sure
if he’s over me, but when I
tried to contact him, he didn’t
respond, so I gave up.
It’s driving me crazy and I
feel I won’t be happy with
anyone else, until I am
properly over him.
Have you some tips on how
to move on?
Motara by e-mail
DearBunmi,
My four-year-old daughter
mentioned something to me
about a ‘second mummy’ her
daddy was talking to at her
nursery school. It turns out my
husband has been texting the
woman and has even met up
with her a few times. Are they
having sex too?
Maybe they’re having a full
affair.
I am so upset I can’t believe
he’s been spending time with
her in front of our daughter.
How do I confront him about
this?
Amaka, by e-mail.
Dear Amaka,
You need to ask him, but
don’t let your imagination run
away with you.
Let him know what your
daughter said, then give him
chance to explain.
He must know that if he was
and we live next door to each
other.
He is in his late 20's and he
is good looking, caring and
very considerate - in fact he’s
what you’ll call a perfect
gentleman.
Keeping my hands off him
is agonising. I get jealous if
he talks about other women
and miss him terribly when he
goes away.
He doesn’t have a girlfriend
Dear Motara,
Your ex isn’t making it
impossible to get over him -
you are, by keeping up trying
to contact him.
Sorry to be so blunt, but you
have given him chance to
respond and he’s blanked
you. It’s time to move on.
Delete his number. Dump
him from your social media.
Spend time on yourself and
not on an ex who doesn’t
deserve it.
Take up a hobby or meet up
with old friends. It’s time to
take your life back!
...then give him chance to explain.
He must know that if he was
meeting another woman with your
daughter, it would get back to you.
It’s important you know the full
truth before you decide what to do
and I just can’t stop thinking
about him. I’m afraid that if I
tell him how I feel, it will
jeopardise our close
friendship. On the other
hand, if I don’t say anything,
how will I ever know if he feels
any affection for me?
Should I open up or keep
these feelings to myself?
Ufuoma, by e-mail.
Dear Ufuoma,
You really don’t have to
throw this man to the ground
and swear your undying love
for him, you know.
Feelings can be displayed
without great declaration.
Add a new element to the
friendship you already have
- buy him a lovely decoration
for his room for instance, or a
book on one of his interests,
or offer him a small personal
courtesy that will make him
look at you in a slightly
different way.
Ask his advice about one of
your ‘problems’ or about a
new hairstyle. Ask him if he’d
like to go to a movie, or
somewhere off your usual
beaten path. Make a gesture
that will place the ball in his
court and give him a chance
to respond in his own way.
Remember, most people do
not lead their lives by taking
big leaps, but simply by going
gently with the flow.
Who’s my daughter’s “second mummy?”
meeting another woman with
your daughter, it would get
back to you.
It’s important you know the
full truth before you decide
what to do.
Stay calm in the meantime.
Is my boss ashamed of me?
Dear Bunmi,
Two years ago, I started dating
my boss, who is 10 years older
than me and divorced. Away
from the office, our
relationship is great. I’ve met
his kids and we’re now talking
about me moving in with him.
However, he refuses to tell
anyone at work that we’re a
couple and acts as if he barely
knows me. I don’t want
special treatment, but I’m
starting to think he must be
ashamed of me.
Felicia, by e-mail.
Dear Felicia,
Why don’t you have a word
with your man about how you
feel? I’m sure he’s not
ashamed of you. He’s just
worried about how people will
take the news. He might be
wary of how his own boss
would take the news or accuse
him of being unprofessional.
For all you know, most of your
colleagues would have
cottoned on to what is going
on and just play along with
you.
Tell him how you feel about
this secrecy. In the meantime,
why don’t you start looking
into jobs elsewhere? It’s
possible to work alongside
your other half, but if you can
move, it might be easier for
both of you.
He makes me pay for everything
DearBunmi,
Although my boyfriend has
his own flat, he spends all his
free time in mine. Only he
scarcely pays for anything he
eats or drinks.
This makes me angry
knowing how expensive food
and utilities are.
Whenever I ask him to chip
in more, he agrees, then turns
up with next to nothing in his
wallet. As things are now, it
is a struggle for me to pay for
everything.
Tonia, by e-mail.
Dear Tonia,
What you have on your
hands is not just a money
problem, it’s a loving problem.
Dear Bunmi,
I used to scoff at the adage
that the way to a man’s heart
is through his stomach, but
my wife is making me do a
rethink.
We’ve been married for more
than 10 years and have three
lovely children. My wife has
been a good wife and mother.
I have a very successful law
practice and she does good
business selling fabrics and
jewellery.
My grouse is that her
cooking leaves a bad taste in
the mouth.
Most of the time, she has a
trained caterer come to the
house to do the week’s
shopping for foodstuff and
store enough prepared food
in the deep-freezer to feed an
army.
This is all well and good but
you know how erratic
electricity is; and whenever
the generator breaks down,
meals become a nightmare.
I’ve asked her to make more
effort at cooking, but apart
from simple fry-ups like dodo
Your boyfriend, apart from
being a leech, is lacking in
respect, affection and care.
He should want to
contribute, make your life
easier and want an equal
relationship where you both
at least, pay your way. If
you’re to pay for things both
of you enjoy, then it is obvious
he’s in the relationship for all
he can get.
My advice? Don’t waste
time trying to find the money
to support this free-wheeler.
And don’t waste your breath
trying to convince him to pay
his way.
Show him the door and
solve all your problems at
once!
Your wife has readily admitted
her shortcomings in the kitchen
and is willing to make up for it; if
you’re a deft hand at cooking,
helping once a while might
challenge her
After 10 years of marriage, can my
wife ever learn to cook?
and chips, her stews are
something else. She told me
she’s tired and doesn’t know
what else to do. She is
thinking of getting a live-in
cook and paid for by her, but
I still feel bad that she doesn’t
love me enough to want to
know how to cook.
Nduka, by e-mail.
Dear Nduka,
Is it really the end of the
world that your wife can’t
cook?
Just as some women are
petrified at sitting behind the
wheels, a few find
experimenting in the kitchen
a bit daunting.
You said she is a good
mother and wife, and has
even offered to employ a livein
cook paid for by her. If this
is not love, I wonder what it
is?
Your wife has readily
admitted her shortcomings in
the kitchen and is willing to
make up for it. If you’re a deft
hand at cooking, helping
once a while might challenge
her.
Share your problems and release your
burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi,
Vanguard Newspapers, P.M.B 1007,
Apapa, Lagos, or bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk