07042018 - Investigate your ministers

Vanguard, SATURDAY, APRIL 7, 2018—33
Yetunde Arebi
Twitter: @yetundearebi
yetty5050@yahoo.co.uk
08054700825
hat would you do to get out of a
relationship you no longer
Hi!W want? Would you be bold
enough to sit down and talk things
through with your partner like two
mature minds, or simply walk away,
cutting all ties and channels of
communication with them like a coward?
Are you one of those who rather than
own up to their weaknesses, admit their
errors and ask for forgiveness? Or would
you prefer to play the aggrieved party
card, just so they can shift the blames
on your partners? Indeed, how low can
you stoop to save your neck? Tell lies
and cook up stories? Connive and
conspire with some others as fake alibis
and witnesses just to discredit your
estranged friend or partner? Or would
you plot to eliminate them, simply put,
kill them, just to get out of the noose?
While death might sound too bizarre a
sentence for another human being just
to keep one’s image and integrity, the
Holy Books tells us there are two ways
to kill. By the sword, which is physical
and by the tongue which is several
pronged, thus could be spiritual,
emotional, mental and psychological
death. Often, victims of death by the
tongue never successfully get out of their
cocoon. That might be why some
partners, often females, end up in
psychiatric homes after being betrayed
by their beloved and trusted partners.
Unless and dead to others who love and
need them in their lives. Which is why I
cannot help but rejoice with Kendra, a
survivor (not victim) of a calculated,
vicious and callous betrayal whom I ran
into recently. With some traces of
nostalgia and hurt, she shared with me
and a few women how fiancé plotted a
grand conspiracy to dump her for
another woman. Looking back now after
several years, she says it was perhaps
good that the events occurred as they
did, as she might have found him out
when it was too late. Kendra’s story:
“He was the sort of guy most girls dream
to have as husband and I considered
myself extremely lucky to have gotten
him. Added to that was the confidence
and charisma that oozed from him. He
was loaded to the teeth. We had met at a
bachelor’s eve party of one of his friends.
I guess it was love at first sight for both
of us as everything just clicked perfectly.
I was older by almost seven years and I
guess I must have also been younger
than most of the girls he had been with.
So, I think he found it somehow
fascinating being with me. It was very
late before I realised that all the rumours
I’d been hearing about his activities with
women were true.
When I look back at everything that
happened, I think he just wanted to
have his fun and move on as he was
notorious for. However, in my case, he
did not know how to go about it. He
called me his baby and treated me with
much respect, care and love. He spoiled
me silly and I was the envy of all my
friends. We had been dating for two
years and I was going away for the
service year when he proposed to me. I
was delirious with joy. I went to serve,
knowing it was just a matter of time
before I became Mrs. Duke. He would
come to see me almost every other week,
sometimes just calling after he might
have checked into a hotel in town. In
fact, we were almost as good as married.
After the Service year, our families met
for the formal introduction and we were
advised to pick a suitable date for the
wedding. By this time, we were
practically living together. I was playing
the little wife while he went to work.
Sometimes, if he comes home early in
the evening, he would take me out for
dinner or ice cream. You know, stuff like
that. He was a very romantic man.
I think perhaps I was too young. Maybe
not in age but psychologically, because
little did I know that all those times he
How not t to end
a relationship
Looking back now
after several years, she
says it was perhaps
good that the events
occurred as they did,
as she might have
found him out when it
was too late
would tell me he was working late, it
meant that he was seeing someone else.
Or when he said he was going out of
town and that I should go to my parents’,
so as not to be lonely, it meant he was
bringing someone else home for the
weekend. I would have insisted that we
held the wedding almost immediately
but he told me he was busy with a project
and needed a lot of money to execute it.
He wanted to have his dream wedding
and would rather wait for the money.
Which girl would not like to have a
Cinderella wedding? So, while I was
praying and waiting for the completion
of his project, I never knew my fiancé
had other plans. You will not believe
the shock of my life when one Friday
night, a guy walked up to me and
planted a kiss right on my lips as I
stood beside my fiancé. We had gone
to have fun at a club in town and I had
been so happy that everything was
going fine between us. After struggling
for what seemed like ages to free myself
from this stranger’s grip, I began
shouting, demanding to know what
the kiss was about. Who the
hell was this guy and was
it supposed to be a joke?
As expected, Duke shoved
at him too, demanding to
know what was going on.
You will not believe that
right before my eyes, the
guy told my fiancé that I
was his girlfriend. That we
had been dating for over
three years and had plans
to get married. He said we
were together even the
previous day at his house.
(unfortunately, she had
been at her parents’)
Suddenly, he turned to me
while I was still gaping
with my mouth open and
accused me of cheating on
him with Duke because he
was not as rich as Duke.
That with time, he will have
enough money too, to
splash on girls like me. He
said he was not surprised
that I was denying him in
the presence of people. In
fact, he had always
suspected that I was not
faithful to him but did not
know that I could deny
him because of money.
I started hitting him with
my purse, asking him to
stop and that he was lying.
I had never seen this guy
before that day and I
cannot even recognise him
if I were to see him any
other day. Duke who had
appeared to be in a trance
finally woke up and
sprang at the guy. The
stranger raised his hands
up in the air as if to say he
was surrendering to him.
He said he would leave as
he has accepted his loss,
however, Duke should not
believe any story I tell him.
He also warned him that it
was obvious that I could not
be trusted and was not a
good wife material, so, he had better
use and dump me as well. As if to
convince Duke of any doubts he might
still have about our alleged affair, he
told him of the little scar on the right
cheek of my bum, insisting he was
telling the truth.
By this time, people had gathered
around us and the club owners too had
gotten wind of what was happening.
Because Duke was a regular at the club
and friends with the owners, he
demanded that the guy be thrown out.
They obliged because of the respect
they had for him. At this point, I was
still thinking that the guy was either
joking or insane. I turned to Duke
thinking he would console me and tell
me everything was okay but the look
in his eyes froze me up. He remained
rigid, as if stuck to the ground. I made
to touch him but he flung my hand
away, shouting that I should not touch
him. He said he did not know I was a
cheat and a liar. That he was sorry he
ever had anything to do with me, let
alone ask me to marry him. That he
did not know he was dealing with a
prostitute. I was shocked. I turned to
people I did not know to help me beg
him. That the guy was a total stranger
to me and I was innocent of all he had
said, insisting that he must either be
mad, or trying to set me up. But no
one helped, they were more interested
in the scenario and how it would end.
Duke walked away and I ran after him.
When he got to the car, he stopped and
told me not to dare step into his car. I
just stood and watched him drive off
into the night. Suddenly, he started
reversing and when he got to where I
was still standing, he opened the
passenger door and told me to get in.
I was so happy. I thought he had
changed his mind and decided to
believe me rather than the stranger.
But I was wrong. Duke told me he was
taking me home to tell my parents all
that had happened and that the
wedding plans had been called off. I
went numb all over and began
pleading with him as if my life
depended on it. That I would die if he
left me. But it all fell on deaf ears. That
night, Duke woke my mother up to tell
her all that had happened and that he
no longer wished to continue with the
wedding plans. He apologised like a
real gentleman, full of all the charm
and respect that I admired in him from
the beginning, then he walked out.
Everyone wanted to know what really
happened and if indeed, I knew the
stranger. But I kept telling the same
story over and over again. I did not
know the guy and I had no idea why
he had done what he did to me. I did
not sleep a wink that night and so it
continued for the next four days. I did
not eat, sleep, bathe, nor even brush
my teeth.
My parents became confused, they
called him several times but he did not
change his mind. On the fifth day, I
was taken to the hospital and sedated.
I was allowed home a week later. That
did not stop my crying though. And
for months, I stayed at home, waiting
and hoping that Duke would call. That
he would discover the truth and
apologise for not trusting me enough
and beg me to marry him. I refused to
go out, not even to church. As I was
not working anyway, that left me with
much time on my hands to wallow in
self pity. In my heart, I felt it was a
good thing that I did not have to go
out to face people and be forced to
explain what had happened over and
over again. I refused to see my friends
too, believing they would all be
laughing at me or feeling pity for me.
Three months after Duke and I broke
up, one of my sisters came home with
news of Duke’s coming wedding with
another lady.
Hmm!! Kendra’s story concludes next
week. Do have a wonderful weekend!!