artstrike 1 9 9 0 - PhotoStatic Magazine - Detritus

PhotoStatic Magazine Nº37 P R O D U C T I O N ,
The Questionman
“The Thinking Man’s Stupid Guy”
The Questionman’s
Sad Lament
The desert is quiet. The camels lie
down for the evening. Up on Bad
Mountain, the babies cry for whisky,
and all the birds sing bass as the freight
train rumbles past the lonesome, rainy
funeral procession, inching its way
along in the hot sun to be sold into slavery
in the gulag. The Questionman
is feeling bad—but good—and how.
He begins his lamentation, accompanied
only by the weeping of old women
and a ninety-piece orchestra (all cellos
and oboes). At the top of the malfunctioning
escalator that leads to the
underworld, he affects a tableau that
instantly telegraphs great and universal
melancholy. Ask any of the assembled
multitudes and they will say:
“The Questionman? Never heard of
him—isn’t he that really sad guy?” Or
perhaps—“Listen, come by sometime
when I’m not so busy. It’s been really
crazy all day today.”
Well, who the hell needs them anyway?
I do! I do! For months I have waited
for answers, yet my mailbox has become
naught but a reticent metal
oracle. Why? I implore you, why? I
shout this “why?” to the heavens and
a voice sayeth unto me, “Would you
mind keeping it down?”
When I used to begin my column
with, “Many young people ask…” or
“A reader writes…”. I was only kidding.
Now, as I sit here in my dank cell,
I only wish I wasn’t. No one has asked
me—readers have not written. The
world is on fire. I must go to Vienna.
Why haven’t you written? Hast thou
forsaken me? Was it something I said?
Is it because you want to get answers
rather than give them? Is it because you
only ask questions when you’re not
sure if something’s going to be on the
test? Do you not have time to answer
any of my questions? Do you not like
them because they can’t be answered
succinctly? Do you like questionnaires
better than essays? Do you like multiple
choice questions best of all? Are
1370 A U G U S T