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PhotoStatic Magazine Nº37 P R O D U C T I O N ,
Overlooked Classics
by Brad Goins
Review #4. Orgy Machine. (No date or director; 1976?)
Starring John Holmes.
Try to imagine a film in which the silliest and most insubstantial
elements of 70s culture are presented with no
attention to a broader social context, or to any organizing
principle whatsoever. Try to imagine a 70s disco porn remake
of Godard’s Two or Three Things I Know About Her
shot entirely in one weekend. If you can imagine these
things; you should be able to appreciate this review of Orgy
Machine.
The sophisticated JANUS FILMS logo and Renaissance
trumpet voluntary that begin this film are more appropriate
for a documentary narrated by Allistair Cooke than a
porn film. How surprised we are when the high art of the
opening seconds is obliterated by the sudden appearance
of a rudimentary computer-generated credit:
John C. Holmes in ORGY MACHINE.
Suddenly Holmes is before us, struggling to maintain
his balance while he roller skates. We are more than a little
confused by the baroque organ sonata that plays in the
background. But when the organ sonata segues into a disco
riff, everything becomes clear, and we realize (with joy)
that this film will be irrevocably kitsch for its duration.
And thus we are not greatly surprised by the appearance
of a woman in a one-piece hot pants outfit, knee-high athletic
socks, and Farrah Fawcett do, skating along with a
bikini-clad friend.
“There’s a difference,” says one woman to the other,
“between roller derby and roller disco.” And we know she
is right.
There follows a woman-on-woman shower scene, one
of the many facile mid-70s attempts to imitate the success
of Georgina Spelvin and friend in this porn motif. It’s a
long scene, with dialogue that is continually drowned out
by the sound of splashing water, and features a lingering
fuzzy close-up of the bottom of a foot.
After the shower, when one of the women informs her
friend that—against all odds—Holmes is state roller skating
champ, the news is marked by a return of the Renais-
1376 A U G U S T