artstrike 1 9 9 0 - PhotoStatic Magazine - Detritus

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<strong>PhotoStatic</strong> <strong>Magazine</strong> Nº37 P R O D U C T I O N , Overlooked Classics by Brad Goins Review #4. Orgy Machine. (No date or director; 1976?) Starring John Holmes. Try to imagine a film in which the silliest and most insubstantial elements of 70s culture are presented with no attention to a broader social context, or to any organizing principle whatsoever. Try to imagine a 70s disco porn remake of Godard’s Two or Three Things I Know About Her shot entirely in one weekend. If you can imagine these things; you should be able to appreciate this review of Orgy Machine. The sophisticated JANUS FILMS logo and Renaissance trumpet voluntary that begin this film are more appropriate for a documentary narrated by Allistair Cooke than a porn film. How surprised we are when the high art of the opening seconds is obliterated by the sudden appearance of a rudimentary computer-generated credit: John C. Holmes in ORGY MACHINE. Suddenly Holmes is before us, struggling to maintain his balance while he roller skates. We are more than a little confused by the baroque organ sonata that plays in the background. But when the organ sonata segues into a disco riff, everything becomes clear, and we realize (with joy) that this film will be irrevocably kitsch for its duration. And thus we are not greatly surprised by the appearance of a woman in a one-piece hot pants outfit, knee-high athletic socks, and Farrah Fawcett do, skating along with a bikini-clad friend. “There’s a difference,” says one woman to the other, “between roller derby and roller disco.” And we know she is right. There follows a woman-on-woman shower scene, one of the many facile mid-70s attempts to imitate the success of Georgina Spelvin and friend in this porn motif. It’s a long scene, with dialogue that is continually drowned out by the sound of splashing water, and features a lingering fuzzy close-up of the bottom of a foot. After the shower, when one of the women informs her friend that—against all odds—Holmes is state roller skating champ, the news is marked by a return of the Renais- 1376 A U G U S T
N O T R E P R O D U C T I O N Retrofuturism Nº10 sance brass music. In the next scene, in which the Fawcettesque skater seduces Holmes, even dedicated kitsch-lovers may find their jaws dropping at the sound of “Weekend” wafting through the television speaker. Holmes’ soulful looks of tortured ecstasy bring forth a new song for the soundtrack, a song whose lyrics are of such banality that only full quotation will do them justice: Skate, dance, Clap your hands: Skate rock freak! Holmes says, “I can’t take it any more,” and pulls out. 1 9 8 9 1377
Page 1 and 2: In This Issue: New Age Roundup Bing
Page 3 and 4: N O T R E P R O D U C T I O N Retro
Page 19: N O T R E P R O D U C T I O N Retro

artstrike 1 9 9 0 - PhotoStatic Magazine - Detritus

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