Pure Inspiration

Ishanka – 85
By 1993, I realized that the relationship was falling apart. This man
had other partners, and made no promises or commitment to me.
When the relationship finally ended, I was unable to sleep or eat. In
short, I spiralled into a state of depression without realizing what was
happening. While I never felt suicidal, I felt quite empty and flat, with
nothing to focus my attention on, and feeling like a zombie. I gave up
my work and chilled out at home. Living in a world of my own
thoughts from August through October. Then, late in October, around
the 22nd, I decided that I needed to visit Ven. Ñāṇavimala again who
was 81 years of age at the time.
I had confidence in Bhante and felt instinctively that he would be able
to advise me. It also dawned on me that, while I was born a Buddhist,
with some knowledge of rituals and customs, I needed to learn the
Dhamma and practice meditation to calm the mind. I knew my mind
was going off the rails. I was irrational, I couldn’t maintain a clear
line of thought. I knew something was wrong and couldn’t trust my
own judgment.
When I saw Ven. Ñāṇavimala, he looked at me with deep compassion
and said simply, ‘Only faith (saddhā) can hold you together.’ He also
said, ‘Parting from the beloved is painful, but you have done this to
him and now he has got back at you.’ I understood that this was karma
working, I had my just desserts. I found that when someone really
understood my situation, it was very comforting. I had managed to
hide everything from my family, but with Bhante it was clear that he
knew everything!
He advised me to read Ven. Ñāṇatiloka’s book The Word of the
Buddha, which he said was the book that brought him to Buddhism.