Pure Inspiration

Ishanka – 89
helped to fine tune some lapses in my sīla (precepts). ‘You have a
tendency to exaggerate things a bit, so be careful how you report
things to people. Speak gently and mindfully.’
After practicing for some time, I was starting to experience a feeling
of disintegration of the body and its components. This was strange and
unexpected. I wondered whether everything was liable to break up and
whether nothing at all endured. When I went to see him with these
experiences he asked, Do you still think there is something permanent?
Nothing is permanent, not even true love, and he shook his head. I
knew there was no point in asking further questions; it was clear that
he knew what was passing through my mind.
At one point, I felt that I should go somewhere to practice meditation,
and even wrote to Parappaduwa monastery but received a reply which
informed me that they were not accepting any new people. It was then
that I came across Dhammakuta, a retreat centre outside Kandy where
the Goenka system of meditation was taught and practiced. I was
confident that I could practice more intensively on a retreat than at
home as I had been doing. My two sisters had already participated in
many different types of meditation retreats, and they had more
knowledge and experience than me.
Before that, I had also briefly considered ordaining as a nun. It was a
fleeting thought, really, but to my surprise Bhante picked up on it. I
had started to wear white and was about to cut off my hair. When I
went to the temple one day, Bhante asked me why I was wearing white.
The question was loaded. I was guarded about answering this question
as the family were unaware of all this, and I was accompanied on that
occasion by a male cousin who would have been shocked! So I sort of