Pure Inspiration

Ishanka – 87
When I asked him how to go about it, he referred me to the
Girimānanda Sutta (AN 10:60) which explained the Ten Perceptions
including ānāpānasati practice.
I read the sutta in Pāli (language of early Buddhist texts) and English
before starting ānāpānasati. The long and short breaths seemed
obvious, but I was stuck at the third sentence, sabbakāya paṭisaṁvedi
(experiencing the whole body) with regard to observation of the
breath. I asked Bhante to explain what it meant, but he said it had to
be realized through experience and gave me some basic instructions to
observe the breath. ‘The mind,’ he said, ‘will wander and you will
believe these other things are permanent, happy and relevant to self
(nicca, sukha, atta) but remember they are not, that they are all
dukkha (suffering) and to bring the mind back to the breath.’ He didn’t
explain any of the other teachings I read. Even with just these
instructions, I practiced ānāpānasati and mettā, and some strange
things happened at home.
Although nothing happened initially, most of the time, my thoughts
were about the relationship. I was due to see Bhante in a week, but I
was too ashamed to tell him about my lack of progress and inability to
stay on the breath. Finally, after two weeks when I went to see him
again with my cousin, he asked me, ‘How is your meditation?’ I said, ‘I
may not be trying hard enough, if I tried harder, I’m sure I could do it
properly.’ He smiled and said, these emotions will come up, sometimes
you want him, sometimes you hate him and sometimes you will be
glad it’s all over.’ This was quite true, but I was particularly impressed
by the accuracy of the latter statement. I hadn’t thought it remotely
possible. I smiled inwardly at this as I had barely acknowledged it to
myself.