March 2018

THERAPY
by Celeste Catania-Opris, Ph.D.
Do you resent your relationship
with your partner?
Sometimes, after years of being together, it can
become difficult to remember the reason you
fell in love with your partner. The amount of
stress we are under every day can really get to us.
It does not help if you feel like your partner is
adding to that stress.
Here are three key factors to remember during times of
uncertainty in your relationship.
Comparing is competing
Comparing is a recipe for disaster. It is neither helpful nor
healthy for a relationship. Who did more? Who dropped off
the kids at school more often? Who cooks more? Who does
grocery shopping more often? Who makes more money? It
really shouldn’t matter, because if you are a team, the idea is to
win and you can’t always win on your own.
Yelling is belittling
We all yell at each other sometimes, but yelling can feel as
if your partner is belittling you. It makes you feel small and
insignificant. Take a moment to walk away when things get
heated. Regroup and return to the conversation when both of
you are ready to speak to each other calmly. This way, you can
actually hear each other rather than shut down and tune out
what your partner is saying.
Appreciation is vital
Treat your partner like you would treat a stranger. Say please if
you need something. Say thank you when your partner hands
you something. Actually, listen to your partner and make eye
contact when in conversation, just as you would when talking
with a friend.
Undoubtedly, it can get tiring catering to someone else’s needs.
Sometimes you may think, what about me? The point is to build
a life while we are here on this earth. For many, that includes
building a family. Sure, it has its ups and downs. Sometimes the
downs may be way down, but what goes down will go back up.
Take a look back at your relationship.
Remember those “up” moments when
you reach a point of uncertainty in your
relationship. If those times appear long
ago or unfamiliar, then it may not hurt to
get an outside perspective.
The odds are that you both want the same things, but your
methods of communication may be off balance. In this case,
consider talking to close relatives, friends, or even a professional
regarding ways to understand each other better. It may not be a
bad idea to talk to those around you when you need support or
insight into a problem. If that does not appeal to you, then there
are always professionals who specialize in these types of issues
and can assist you during these difficult times.
Remember that life is meant to be happy
and it’s better shared with someone
we love. P
Celeste Catania-Opris, Ph.D., LMFT, offers therapeutic
services to individuals, couples, and families. Visit www.
TherapyForModernHousewives.com.
112
MARCH 2018