Fertility Road Issue 03

FEATURE | same-sex parenting
The application for a parental order must be made within six months
of the birth. There are no extensions on this and taking legal advice
late could make the process lengthier. If the parental application
is not made, then it might be possible to get a residence order,
though obviously this is less desirable. The intended parents also
need to satisfy the court that the child’s home is with both parents.
One of the partners needs to be domiciled in the UK.
Commercial surrogacy is illegal so the expenses process must be
navigated carefully. The court has to authorise all expenses paid
and these include things like medical bills and insurance and
nothing which implies the buying of a child. This is authorised at
the end of the case so the intended parents need to make sure they
handle the process correctly from the start or risk losing the
parental order. There is always the risk that the expenses could be
unauthorised and this is particularly worrisome if the parents have
gone to a country (India, for example) where what’s construed as
an excessive amount may differ. And in these cases, the court has
to be happy that it’s not sanctioning something illegal.
And once you’ve sorted the above, you’re faced with the possibility
that the surrogate can change her mind. Under English family law,
the surrogate remains the mother until the parental order is
obtained. She can change her mind at any point up to this. Moreover, if
she is married, her husband has to give consent as he is legally the
father. However, the surrogate’s consent is invalid unless it’s given
within six weeks after the birth. Pre-natal consent is disregarded.
This is, of course, very stressful for the intended parents as
the birth mother could changed her mind at any time. “It doesn’t
fell in love with and she ended up being the
biological mother of three of their five children. Barrie
explains, “We picked her for her personality and her
views on life. She was very in tune with us.”
But the second time round it was a different matter.
Says Barrie, candidly, “We just found someone amazingly
good looking. The first time we went into it we
wanted to study people and suss them out but then
we realised that our children are a product of us and
the egg donor and surrogate are only responsible for
their living and breathing.”
Barrie and Tony’s children know all about their egg
donors and surrogate mothers and they are in touch on a weekly
basis. “We have always been honest,” he says, “we’re so high-profile,
how could we not be?”
Tony and Barrie now have the family they always wanted but
it’s not always easy. “We had no responsibilities and loads of cash,”
he says. “Because of that, it was easy for us, but I get letters from
people all the time who’ve been refused treatment. It can be heartbreaking.”
Even while the couple were going through their first
failed IVF attempts, both of Barrie’s sisters announced they were
pregnant. He says, “It’s just devastating.”
The surrogacy process can be a legal minefield, says John Randle
of law firm Lester Aldridge, which specialises in fertility cases.
Now gay men can apply for a parental order, says Randle,
it’s crucial to get legal advice early on. “There are quite a lot of
conditions the intended parents have to satisfy before they are
granted the parental order.”
Firstly, they have to prove a biological link to the child, which is
easy enough. Then they have to satisfy the court that they are either
civil partners or two people living in an “enduring family relationship”.
Surrogacy is definitely now more
open to more people, and things are
changing, in fact the whole dynamic
has changed. There are hundreds
of same-sex families in the UK and
thousands around the world now.
happen a lot”, says Randle, “but I did come across a case the other
day where the surrogate appeared to be having second thoughts.”
Barrie and Tony were trailblazers, though he says they never
set out to be. “Surrogacy is definitely now more open to more
people,” says Barrie, “and things are changing, in fact the whole
dynamic has changed. There are hundreds of same-sex families
in the UK and thousands around the world now.”
For qualified information and advice on same-sex parenting why
not head to www.prideangel.com. Founded by scientists Erika
and Karen, Pride Angel is an independent connection service,
committed to helping single, lesbian, gay and infertile couples
become parents through donor conception and co-parenting.
GayFamilyWeb.co.uk link to donors from all over the UK, whilst
also giving sperm donors access to people who need them. The site
has only been online for a couple of years, but using the creators’
personal experience as a guide, aims to provide a straightforward
and easy-to-follow service with support and advice at its heart.
38 fertility road | november - december