Portsmouth Living Magazine December

‘DE’STRESSING
This Holiday Season
BY ROB LEVEY
The holidays are a fun and jovial time for many
people that include parties, festive music and a
general sense of hopefulness in the air. It can also
be a time of stress, according to mental health
professionals at Seacoast Mental Health Center (SMHC),
which was founded in 1963.
Many people and
families, says Patty
Driscoll, LICSW,
SMHC Adult
Services Director,
fall into one of two
categories: 1) Overwhelmed
with too
many expectations,
commitments and
things to do, or 2)
Isolated and lonely.
“If you are in the
isolated and lonely
camp, the holidays
can make you feel
worse because it can
seem like everyone
else is having fun, busy, getting and giving presents, and
you are not,” she says.
She notes the holidays are also when many people
reminisce about past holidays.
“They may or may not have been spent with loved ones
who are no longer alive or present in your life,” she adds.
“Either way, those memories can make you feel worse
than you did before the holiday season.”
Jodie Lubarsky, LCMHC, Child, Adolescent and Family
Services Director at SMHC, says parents often feel
overwhelmed.
“Many parents feel they have to provide the biggest and
best experience for their children,” she says. “This results
in caregivers buying too much, overextending themselves
and then feeling a wave of disappointment when their
children do not demonstrate the gratitude they anticipated
receiving.”
Driscoll says American culture itself also sends out
messages that create subtle anxieties within people.
“There can be considerable pressure from TV, social
media, and holiday decorations around town, friends and
family that bombard people,” she says. “Finances are also
often strained during the holidays. Seeing people who
appear to have an easy time with the holidays can make
others feel guilt that they are not able to ‘keep up with
the Joneses.’
14 PORTSMOUTH LIVING
KIDS
According to
Lubarsky, kids can
feel stress during the
holidays too.
“Children from separated and divorced families
may experience more stress at the holidays, especially
if one parent is without support during this time,” she
explains.
She says parents should attempt to work collaboratively
in order to support the needs of their child(ren)
to insure the child(ren) do not feel responsible for the
parents’ emotional needs.
“Establishing a family meaning of the
holidays and providing thoughtful gifts might
help to reduce this anxiety,” she adds.
“Maintaining consistency and communication during
this time is important,” she says. “Routines and structure
tend to get disrupted during the holidays, so as much as
caregivers can maintain routines, the better most children
will be able to manage the stress and dynamics of
the holidays.”
For those from financially insecure homes, Lubarsky
says children may feel overwhelmed by the expectations
of the holidays as well as “increased inferiority to peers.”
“Establishing a family meaning of the holidays and
providing thoughtful gifts might help to reduce this
anxiety,” she adds.
SENIORS/ELDERS
According to Jennifer Kinsey, LICSW, Director of
SMHC’s REAP(Referral, Education,
Assistance and Prevention)
program, older adults-fall into
the same “buckets” referenced
by Driscoll: 1) Overwhelmed
with too many expectations,
commitments and things to
do, or 2) Isolated and lonely.
“Older adults have many
years behind them and the
losses can pile up,” she explains.
She says older adults also
have challenges that make
socializing in groups especially
difficult.
“They may have no transportation or be experiencing
issues with hearing, vision, and mobility,” she says. “At
times, there may be cognitive impairment and difficulty
eating certain foods...Conversation moves fast these
days. Older adults rarely move fast, so they are often not
well versed in popular culture and therefore may get left
out of conversations.”
To alleviate stress for older adults, Kinsey suggests
planning activities that are earlier in the day and less
frenetic.
“Try to make a plan ahead of time to avoid being
alone,” she says. “Plan to have a quiet meal or time with
another person who might be alone or even visit someone
who you know might be alone too. Helping others
can ease the sense that you are the only person alone
during the holidays.”
ADDITIONAL STRATEGIES TO REDUCE ANXIETIES
Driscoll says one strategy to reduce anxiety is to make
the holiday season “less about stuff” and more about
“being together in positive ways.” Noting that that
every family is different in regards to their religious,
cultural beliefs and values, she suggests that people consider
who they are and what is important to them.
“You can then work toward implementing the important
things and letting go of the things that are
less important and more stressful,” she says. “This can
be related to meals, visiting, gift giving, volunteering,
etcetera.”
Lubarsky says another strategy is for families is to
consider and refine the art of giving and receiving.
“Even small gestures of giving back–giving to the Salvation
Army can, donating warm clothing to a shelter or
purchasing a gift from a community giving tree, for example–can
highlight the importance of both giving and
receiving to children,” she says. “These gestures make
receiving a gift more meaningful.”
She says caregivers should also
be easier on themselves.
“Rather than giving volumes
of gifts, considering giving a few,
very meaningful gifts,” she adds.
About Seacoast Mental Health Center
SMHC is a community mental health center whose mission
is to provide a broad, comprehensive array of high
quality, effective and accessible mental health services
to residents of the eastern half of Rockingham County.
For more information, call 603-431-6703 or
603-772-2710, or visit smhc-nh.org.
CORRECTION
In our last issue of Portsmouth Living November
2018, we mistakenly reported that Jeff Stern was
the organizer of TEDxPortsmouth. While Jeff
was in fact an amazing host at the 2018 event
along with Kristen Hunter, the event organizers
were Jeff’s wife, Anna Goldsmith Stern, and the
amazing Crystal Paradis. Both women are already
hard at work on TEDx2019 which will be held at
the Music Hall in September. The date is TBD. To
learn more about TEDxPortsmouth, including how
you can get involved or recommend a speaker,
visit them at www.tedxportsmouth.com.
PHOTO BY KATE & KEITH PHOTOGRAPHY
DECEMBER 2018 15