Atlantic Ave Magazine - August 2019

counseling
By john davis, lmhc
Healing From Addiction
Call it What it Is
In my private counseling practice, “addiction” is a word I’m
careful with. “Substance abuse” and “dependency” are far more
articulate and make us ask better questions. The American Psychological
Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-
V prefers the term: Substance Use Disorder. Patients
are rated on scales of severity according to habits
and behaviors like frequency of use and amounts.
Whatever you call it, addiction is real
and tragic. It’s possible, drinking/
drugging/eating to excess, to drive
the body and mind beyond simple
recovery over time. Going past
the point of our ability to control
our appetite for drugs or alcohol
or food is a like a slippery slope.
Healing and coming back requires
much from everyone involved, including
family members. Substance
abuse is a window into someone’s
pain, and how they cope with it,
even when that person thinks it
doesn’t show. What do we do
when we or someone we love
has a Substance Use Disorder?
Getting Help
Compassion and confrontation
are needed when sorting the person
from the disorder. Caring
and support is critical, but often
we are confronting true insanity
and “tough love” is required. Trying
to be reasonable with someone
crazy with alcohol or drugs can be
futile. Good people are capable of
doing terrible things when lost in
substance abuse. We sometimes
want to turn away. In the recent movie
“Beautiful Boy” a broken-hearted father,
played by Steve Carrell finally tells
his desperately heroin addicted son he
can’t come home anymore. It is a complicated
drama and there is no universal
answer. Amazingly though, under
the right conditions, healing
is sometimes possible.
Why Does This Occur?
A useful way of looking at the some of the causes of addiction
is “developmental delay.” From childhood through aging, we all
pass through stages of development. Toilet training. First grade.
Puberty is an important one. Launching into young adulthood is
another. “Developmental delay” can occur when the person fails
to accomplish the central tasks related to developmental passages
(like middle school socialization, managing puberty, developing
adult sexuality/intimacy, emerging successfully from
the shelter of high school or college, traction in the job sphere).
Adverse childhood events especially can cause a person “stuck”
in such “delays” to experience mood swings, frustration and social
maladjustment. Drugs, alcohol and food can all be coping
mechanisms through the comfort they offer.
A 30-year-old might truly “feel” like a 14-year-old emotionally
and behave that way if she was molested at 14. Feeling “stuck at
14” may be her experience and often what she presents to others.
Think of “baby doll” girl. A prime example of underdeveloped
psychology. For this person intimacy is likely difficult. She
may turn to alcohol, drugs, food or even sex to soothe herself.
She may display overly risky behavior or remain “commitment
phobic.” These behaviors can be viewed as coping mechanisms
for the pain of developmental failure. If lucky, she’ll find a good
licensed professional psychotherapist and come to terms with
this painful history.
Hungry
Substance Use Disorders can be thought of as “appetite problems.”
Disordered appetites arise from adverse childhood experiences
that can result in developmental failure/delay. That’s
why drinking, and eating can so subtly turn into abusive habits.
Emotional hunger becomes food and drink hunger. Sorting out
emotional hunger, looking at where it has led a person and creating
healthy alternatives are key. Substance Use Disorders can
be thought of as “transferable” in this way because of this. Smoking,
drinking, eating, gambling, hyper (or hypo) -sexuality, drugging…are
all expressions of the same desperate emotional (and
spiritual) hunger. If you or someone you love is truly “hungry”
in this way, and living a life that has become un-manageable, give
me a call or text me at 561-213-8030. I’m right off Atlantic Avenue
downtown.
John Davis, LMHC
561-213-8030
www.johndaviscounseling.com
Mental Health Counselor’s Assn
Palm Beach
Chapter President
70 | August 2019 | www.AtlanticAveMagazine.com