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STYLE | feature 21 ‘I’M NOT ENOUGH’: THE THOUGHTS BEHIND OUR STRESS Is your belief system leading you into stress? Words Shelley Robinson Photos Charlie Rose Creative ABOVE Christchurch’s Kayo Gill finally listened to her body when it gave out on her. Her healing journey has led her to teach meditation and yoga.
22 STYLE | feature Kayo Gill pushed herself to the brink, thinking she had to work harder to be a better person. By the numbers • 68 per cent of greater Christchurch residents have experienced stress in the past year that has had a negative effect on them • Nearly 1 in 4 New Zealand adults experienced ‘poor’ mental wellbeing on the World Health Organization’s WHO-5 scale • 81.1 per cent of New Zealanders rated their overall life satisfaction as 7 or above on a 0–10 scale * Stats NZ and The Canterbury Wellbeing Survey 2018 Kayo Gill was collapsed on her bed, unable to move, with tears streaming down her face. A simple walk around the block had broken her, and it made no sense to her. Kayo pushed herself at the gym and thought she was a healthy woman. But she felt like she had just run a marathon. There was nothing left in her tank. But then there hadn’t been for years. Like so many, the February 22, 2011, Christchurch earthquake shook Kayo, 41, to her core. The constant aftershocks left her in a state of fight or flight, ripping away her sense of safety. Her job as a special education teacher was challenging and filled not just her waking moments. “I would wake up tired because I was dreaming about work at 3 or 4am in the morning. [I would] go back to sleep, then dream of work again and then roll out of bed finally,” she says. Her breaks at work consisted of a quick drink of water and a bite of food while managing incidents and paperwork. Then, at 6pm, she would drag her aching body to the gym. “The body was saying, ‘I’m tired’, but I was like, ‘I’m just being lazy,’” she says. “I got more tired, but I kept punishing myself by working out harder. Because I wouldn’t feel good about myself, I would go to the gym because I thought I would then feel good about myself physically,” she says. But she didn’t. In 2012, her body could no longer sustain the beating she was putting it through. “I couldn’t lie to my body anymore. I couldn’t mask it,” she says. Kayo quit her job and moved to Australia thinking it would give her a fresh start. Instead, her body crashed. “I became really sick. Like I had the flu, but it got worse,” she says. She slept for 30 hours straight after that walk around the block. Moving between the bedroom and bathroom left her breathless. Kayo went to a doctor, but he sent her away with a prescription for antidepressants and the advice to “get off the couch and get moving”. But that is what she had been mercilessly doing to herself and it hadn’t worked. So, she went with her gut and saw a naturopath. She was asked to collect her saliva for a week for testing. The test showed Kayo had adrenal fatigue. “It is where the adrenal glands are overworked for a long time, producing too much cortisol. Cortisol is produced when we go into fightor-flight mode. But due to longer-term chronic stress, the cortisol was out of balance.
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