KESHA’SRECLAMATION OF JOYIn late January, the day before therelease of her fourth full-length album,High Road, I’m on the phone withKesha telling her about my bad father.I didn’t intend on it. It sort of spilledout. High Road includes a ballad called“Father Daughter Dance,” a track I took toimmediately. The song, about Kesha neverknowing her father, opens with “Oh, I wishmy heart wasn’t broken from the start / Inever stood a chance.” I surprised myselfby crying to those first lines. Because ofmy soft Scorpio heart, I tell Kesha this. Itell her all about it.“Oh my goodness, I have chills,” shesays slowly.I’ve written about the estrangedrelationship I have with my father before.By being so public about a private pain,it’s too often a vain pursuit of mine to seekout a loose camaraderie. Maybe I’m notso alone. Maybe someone in my smallcorner of the Internet will relate and tellme that we’ll be okay. Kesha echoes thisthought back to me with far more precisearticulation.“I really never intended on talking aboutthat side of my life publicly just because itkind of seemed off limits.” But she pushedherself to examine why she felt compelledto—for such an honest person—leavethis portion of her life untouched. “It wasnothing I ever thought I would discusspublicly, especially in the form of a song.To hear somebody say that they relate to[the song] is why I put it out, even thoughit makes me incredibly uncomfortable andfeel emotions that I haven't even quiteworked out yet.”For more than a decade, Kesha hasgiven us permission to feel but also tohave a really good fucking time. The popstar, formerly Ke$ha, defined the 2010swith her vivacious, youthful, and trashysongs like “TiK ToK,” which spent nineweeks at number one on the Billboard Hot100, and became one of the best sellingdigital singles of all time, collecting over$25 million in sales. Her debut record,2010’s Animal, was a revelatory, partypraising,unpretentious pop record. Anddespite profiles at the time that attemptedto reduce her work to superficial clubbangers, Kesha spoke assuredly abouther future as a pop singer with enduringtalent.It feels foreign now to tap into thatparticular category of sizzling, temporaryfun. This concept of fun seems restrictedto a certain age range; that when youage out and leave your early 20s or begin“adulting,” that fun is lost to that momentof time.And this is what Kesha, now 33, istrying to do still for herself: reclaim afamiliar, but more honest, joy that’sentirely on her own terms.High Road is Kesha fully formed. Ittakes all the best parts of her career andfirmly places them in her own hands,moulding a fun, thoughtful, prickly andsweet record. Kesha executive producedit — a task she enthusiastically took to.“I like being able to control the narrativeof what this record is because it will livefar beyond my lifespan,” she explains.“I wanted to represent myself in a reallyhonest, authentic way.”High Road runs through pop, hip-hop,and country. It even finds Kesha rappingagain. All emphasize her I-don’t-give-ashitattitude (so enviously formed on thebiting “Honey”) and her propensity to fuckall the way off into whatever experienceshe’s in. Both Sturgill Simpson and BeachBoys legend Brian Wilson join her on“Resentment;” cruisemate and legendherself Big Freedia features on the single“Raising Hell.”On “Shadow,” Kesha’s exultation ismore a deft proclamation as she sings,“I’m so happy and you hate that, I lovelove, I love life” and “get your shadowout of my sunshine.” Here, she soundsliberated. I asked Kesha how shemanaged to find happiness. It’s a dauntingtask for an everyday person, but for a popstar? It seems mountainous.“To maintain your sense of self and,at the same time, entertain and providepeople with what they want — I feel likeI've earned my happiness.“I put a lot of work into reclaiming myvoice, reclaiming the right to be happy andjoyful. I have no reason to be ashamed orto shy away from talking about going outand having a wild party night or having anamazing sex life. These are all things thatare realistic in my life and part of living asa human being.”It invites a moment of pause, and anopportunity to investigate how we treatwomen who have been generous withus by publicly coming forward with themost difficult moments of their life. Shouldthat trauma remain integral to their art orperson and define them going forward? Atwhat point do we say, yes, you deserve tobe happy again in whatever way that takesshape?It should go without saying that Keshadeserves to feel joy. That for everythingthe pop star has sung about or gonethrough in the most public way imaginable,at the end of the day, she has more thanearned to feel normal and content withher life.“When people see me for who I reallyam, I think that's one of the things thatguide me,” she says. STARBy SARAH MACDONALD8 BEATROUTE MARCH 2020
MUSIC BCMERGEMARCH 2020 BEATROUTE 9