THICKK MAGAZINE ISSUE 1 by INNOVA X ARTS

#3
anna jean
Confessions Writing
Chronic invisible illnesses. That is a thing. The problem with them being invisible, is they are extremely tricky
to diagnose. I am going to tell you what went through my mind the day I learned I am a Zebra in a field of
horses. But first, I'll tell you a very brief history, as I don't want the point of this to become about the the
"disease" but more about how the explanation helped me.
I had been struggling with health issues since I was 8 years old. Started out minor, stomach aches. They
progressed over the years. Symptoms like body aches, extreme exhaustion, and injuring myself way too
easily became noticable over the years. They came and went, along with the chronic nausea and stomach
problems.
I would go through "spells" you could say. I was sent to Mayo clinic for a week, and refused to go back for
6 weeks for "Pain management" because I knew there had to be an answer other than managing
symptoms. In 2015-2016 I contracted mono, battled MRSA 6 times, underwent gallbladder and appendix
surgery, as well as getting nerves in my back burned because I was told I have moderate arthritis in some
facet joins in my spine. This was all in a span of 8 months. BUT, and here's the good news. This ALL helped
lead me to the day that changed my life, oddly for the better.
Getting diagnosed with Ehler-Danlos Syndrome was surreal. Some people fall into a deep depression when
they get diagnosed with a chronic condition, which is understandable. Because if it can't be cured, what's the
point in trying? I, however, look back on that day is a day that will change me for the better.
I was numb when the doctor finally told me, after 12 years of not knowing and being told I was making it
up, I finally had answers. I didn't know what to think. I had hope and prayed that day that I would finally
get answers. But when I did, I felt so many emotions, it felt like I had none. After the shock wore off, there
was sadness.
I spent a few days in tears. But I made a deal with myself, I wouldn't look on the internet for too much
information because my body is my body, my story is my story. I soon too realized that this diagnosis
doesn't change much. This is not something I just got, this is something I've always had. Finally, this lead to
me making my own little "motto."
This isn't a disease, this is an explanation for what I'm feeling, explanation leads understanding,
understanding leads to acceptance, Acceptance leads to peace." This mindset truly made me realize that
this syndrome is as much a part of me as my finger or toe, but it is NOT me.
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