17.07.2020 Views

I saw I thought I remembered

The as if it’s just about to happen book series invites a reengagement with four workshops, facilitated within HZT Berlin’s BA Dance, Context, Choreography course between 2014–2016. Four of HZT’s teaching staff initiated a collaborative writing project with colleagues and HZT students and alumni to access what persists through the entanglement of their artistic and pedagogic practices. They returned to the pedagogic events with the question “What was and is it doing and what can we create with it now?” Initial experiences, notes and memories from the workshops were approached with a strategy of interruption. A specific set of parameters informed a structure of excerpts, footnotes, invitations and responses that produced a new order of connections based on selectivity, discontinuity and proliferation. As a reader you are encouraged to be involved with the passages of writings and drawings within these four books — to follow, skip across, take apart, expand, reassemble, rewrite and respond further. You are invited to experience what is still creating itself, as if it’s just about to happen. IMPRINT Project editor: Litó Walkey. Copy editor: Karen Christopher. Graphic design Milchhof Atelier: Andreas Töpfer, Carsten Stabenow, Printing Steinmeier, Deiningen. Publisher: HZT Berlin and UdK Berlin. 2017.

The as if it’s just about to happen book series invites a reengagement with four workshops, facilitated within HZT Berlin’s BA Dance, Context, Choreography course between 2014–2016. Four of HZT’s teaching staff initiated a collaborative writing project with colleagues and HZT students and alumni to access what persists through the entanglement of their artistic and pedagogic practices. They returned to the pedagogic events with the question “What was and is it doing and what can we create with it now?”

Initial experiences, notes and memories from the workshops were approached with a strategy of interruption. A specific set of parameters informed a structure of excerpts, footnotes, invitations and responses that produced a new order of connections based on selectivity, discontinuity and proliferation.

As a reader you are encouraged to be involved with the passages of writings and drawings within these four books — to follow, skip across, take apart, expand, reassemble, rewrite and respond further. You are invited to experience what is still creating itself, as if it’s just about to happen.

IMPRINT
Project editor: Litó Walkey. Copy editor: Karen Christopher. Graphic design Milchhof Atelier: Andreas Töpfer, Carsten Stabenow, Printing Steinmeier, Deiningen. Publisher: HZT Berlin and UdK Berlin. 2017.

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Two passages of writing extending from the workshop Gestures of Portraiture<br />

Florian Feigl and Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

the index exists in two places<br />

the as if it’s just about to happen series–book two of four


Intro duction<br />

The as if it’s just about to happen book series invites<br />

a reengagement with four workshops, facilitated within HZT<br />

Berlin’s BA Dance, Context, Choreography programme between<br />

2014–2016. Four of HZT’s teaching staff initiated a collaborative<br />

writing project with colleagues, HZT students and alumni to<br />

access what persists through the entanglement of their artistic<br />

and pedagogic practices. They returned to the pedagogic events<br />

with the question “What was and is it doing and what can we<br />

create with it now?”<br />

Initial experiences, notes and memories from the workshops<br />

were approached with a strategy of interruption. A specific set of<br />

para meters informed a structure of excerpts, footnotes, invitations<br />

and responses that produced a new order of connections based<br />

on selectivity, discontinuity and proliferation.<br />

As a reader you are encouraged to be involved with the passages<br />

of writings and drawings within these four books and online<br />

at the HZT website — to follow, skip across, take apart, expand,<br />

reassemble, rewrite and respond further. You are invited to<br />

expe rience what is still creating itself, as if it’s just about to happen.<br />

Writing<br />

structure<br />

a poem<br />

of eight<br />

excerpts<br />

from the<br />

workshop<br />

experience<br />

a footnote<br />

of 100 words<br />

elaborates every<br />

six-word excerpt as<br />

a mini-essay, index,<br />

archive or script<br />

an invitation<br />

of maximum<br />

50 words addresses<br />

an inquiry about<br />

every excerpt and<br />

its footnote<br />

a response<br />

of 250 words or<br />

a drawing follows<br />

after every<br />

excerpt, footnote<br />

and invitation<br />

Book two of four has two central authors,<br />

creating two parts interwoven with guest contributions.


I <strong>saw</strong> Florian I <strong>thought</strong> Feigl with I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

guest contributors<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

the as if it’s just about to happen series–book two of four


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

a poem<br />

Shame on more of the same<br />

And rubber boots are made of oil<br />

A question of taste? maybe not<br />

Fall is when leaves change colours<br />

Deal with things one cannot see<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

All that happens when getting closer<br />

Become a memory. Now. And cry.<br />

( 1<br />

( 2<br />

( 3<br />

( 4<br />

( 5<br />

( 6<br />

( 7<br />

( 8


I <strong>saw</strong> Florian I <strong>thought</strong> Feigl with I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

guest contributors<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

the as if it’s just about to happen series–book two of four


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to students<br />

In response to the footnote produce a one-liner. The idea is to have<br />

a panorama, a landscape produced by one-liners:<br />

1 — a subject, a thing, a feeling;<br />

2 — a reference to space;<br />

3 — a reference to time.<br />

Fragments of fake Haikus.<br />

a poem<br />

Shame on more of the same<br />

And rubber boots are made of oil<br />

A question of taste? maybe not<br />

Fall is when leaves change colours<br />

Deal with things one cannot see<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

All that happens when getting closer<br />

Become a memory. Now. And cry.<br />

( 1<br />

( 2<br />

( 3<br />

( 4<br />

( 5<br />

( 6<br />

( 7<br />

( 8<br />

1 )<br />

Starting with fake biographical elements. Echoes and reverberations of personal narrations,<br />

fantasies, jokes, made up memories, reflections and lies. An incomplete formation, varying<br />

coherences, blank spots to be filled or left blank for the time being. Torn fabric, made and<br />

produced together. Simple, sometimes silly. At times clear and easy to understand, at times<br />

strange, even mysterious. A temporary landscape to relate to.


I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong> 2<br />

3<br />

Everyday<br />

a restless<br />

neck<br />

lies on a<br />

pillow,<br />

cock-adoodledooo.<br />

3:06 PM<br />

at my<br />

desk<br />

bouncing<br />

words on<br />

fake<br />

leather<br />

damn i<br />

can barely<br />

think.<br />

A dirty bathtub standing at a bus stop<br />

just after you have missed the bus.<br />

The voice is<br />

an empty<br />

space inside<br />

my body<br />

that is an<br />

unexplored<br />

animal, a male<br />

or female<br />

entity<br />

with its space<br />

without<br />

turning from<br />

inside to<br />

outside.<br />

To find oneself in Atlantis,<br />

on a submarine and in a spaceship.<br />

Laos, 2016:<br />

a baby<br />

gecko<br />

sits next to<br />

my tablet.<br />

There is no prologue, no epilogue;<br />

just open memories for the presence.<br />

Long Time<br />

naked at the pond,<br />

three people.<br />

Anger is trendy<br />

One inch in this<br />

direction or one<br />

inch in the other<br />

Since that day<br />

in the shower,<br />

I had to _ in the<br />

foreigner’s line.<br />

Eating<br />

fried<br />

cold fish<br />

next to<br />

the<br />

midnight<br />

train.<br />

True, my eyelids are green,<br />

that,s how I painted them.<br />

What has<br />

never been<br />

mine,<br />

a hole in my<br />

stomach<br />

wherein they<br />

arrived<br />

together, in<br />

trust.<br />

Response<br />

from students


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Essi<br />

This is an invitation to develop a text piece focusing on group and<br />

passage as environment of making. In the making. In movement, in<br />

transformation. All presences effecting each other. Moving and transforming<br />

as group. Accepting in from the group, delivering to the group.<br />

a poem<br />

Shame on more of the same<br />

And rubber boots are made of oil<br />

A question of taste? maybe not<br />

Fall is when leaves change colours<br />

Deal with things one cannot see<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

All that happens when getting closer<br />

Become a memory. Now. And cry.<br />

( 1<br />

( 2<br />

( 3<br />

( 4<br />

( 5<br />

( 6<br />

( 7<br />

( 8<br />

2 )<br />

Objects initiate dialogues, multi-logues, conversations. Gestures & movements. Play & shame,<br />

ideas & insecurity, bold steps, surprising findings & painful confessions. Condensing into<br />

images, colours, tastes, smells, materialities. Passages & formulations. Drawing lines: notebook<br />

& pen, what one knows & what one wants, eyes & hands, fantasies & events. Moving bodies.<br />

Grouping, as group, delivered to a group. Gradually dissolving images into experience.


I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong> 4<br />

5<br />

bodies of hair, bodies of skin, bodies of chlorophyll, bodies of crystal<br />

moving in formations towards and away from the light<br />

connecting the joints, counting the bones, smelling the holes<br />

blowing air into the air<br />

Response<br />

from Essi<br />

together (unsynchronized rhythm)<br />

opening softening sweating evaporating<br />

blooming bursting splitting spitting<br />

pulsating resonating vibrating signaling<br />

leaning towards<br />

rubbing against<br />

pushing and breaking<br />

eating each others<br />

connecting parts that are separate<br />

creating noise<br />

creating warmth<br />

creating complexity


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to students<br />

Say: Yes to … X … Say: No to … X …<br />

Define a subject, a thing, an activity, a mode. Define a quality, a gesture,<br />

a taste, a colour. But define just ONE. Something new, old or borrowed,<br />

general or precise, personal or abstract, silly or dead serious.<br />

a poem<br />

Shame on more of the same<br />

And rubber boots are made of oil<br />

A question of taste? maybe not<br />

Fall is when leaves change colours<br />

Deal with things one cannot see<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

All that happens when getting closer<br />

Become a memory. Now. And cry.<br />

( 1<br />

( 2<br />

( 3<br />

( 4<br />

( 5<br />

( 6<br />

( 7<br />

( 8<br />

3 )<br />

And aware of deep, growing alienation while exploring and navigating—activating participation<br />

in a common process of fabrication, affecting an environ-mental process of making, the making<br />

and re-making of what is. Shifting perspectives that change set-ups for moments.<br />

To observe, to offer, to try a gesture.


I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong> 6<br />

7<br />

Y<br />

Response<br />

from students<br />

Yes to rock climbing. No<br />

to rock climbing. / Yes to<br />

expansiveness. No to<br />

expansiveness. / Yes to<br />

boxes. No to boxes. / Yes<br />

to hurt. No to hurt. / Yes<br />

to impure. No to<br />

impure. / Yes to the tired<br />

I-will-never-reach-homeever.<br />

/ No to the tired<br />

I-will-never-reach-homeever.<br />

/ Yes to bringing.<br />

No to bringing. / Yes to<br />

Alien. No to Alien.<br />

Yes to fuck. No<br />

to fuck. / Yes to<br />

pensing. No to<br />

pensing. / Yes to<br />

sculpture. No to<br />

sculpture. / Yes<br />

to Blur. No to<br />

Blur. / Yes to<br />

post-intellectualheadache.<br />

No to<br />

post-intellectualheadache.<br />

/ Yes<br />

to guilt. No to<br />

guilt.


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Litó<br />

“elude your surveillance, elude your surveillance”<br />

“Fall is when leaves change colours”<br />

This is an invitation to elaborate on notions, a situation, groups of<br />

moments, dynamics and experiences of teaching — potentially in relation<br />

to teaching as part of making, publishing & learning, an aesthetic<br />

experience.<br />

a poem<br />

Shame on more of the same<br />

And rubber boots are made of oil<br />

A question of taste? maybe not<br />

Fall is when leaves change colours<br />

Deal with things one cannot see<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

All that happens when getting closer<br />

Become a memory. Now. And cry.<br />

( 1<br />

( 2<br />

( 3<br />

( 4<br />

( 5<br />

( 6<br />

( 7<br />

( 8<br />

4 )<br />

Microsleep. Overwhelmed by the complexity of the folds of a blanket dropped on the floor,<br />

bored with one’s own simplified attempts to understand — what? The stupid satisfaction of<br />

repetition — again? The insecurity . . . . The nervousness of nothing new. The fear when meeting<br />

the utter resistance of the objects around and their total indifference. The screaming emptiness<br />

inside. The panic . . . . Then break away. Break.<br />

Some snakes play dead in moments of danger. We speak of autumn when leaves change<br />

colour. Changing colour when getting ready to leave. It’s Fall. Leave. Then fall. Did I fall.<br />

Did I fall asleep. I did. Supreme.


I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong> 8<br />

9<br />

My watching-over falls behind, chases after, exceeds ahead. It catches<br />

voids and does not fit one picture.<br />

Response<br />

from Litó<br />

Leave. Then fall.<br />

Sleep. Fail to grasp.<br />

Du bist die Aufgabe<br />

Das ist eine Aufgabe<br />

Gebe einen Brief auf.<br />

Ich gebe auf.<br />

Aufgeben, tut man einen Brief.<br />

Teach this.<br />

My thing is here. Looking at this. And this.<br />

With this space between and then this line and then these two lines.<br />

and then looking at this — focusing on this and seeing that the background<br />

is out of focus.<br />

And then focusing on the background and seeing how this is out of<br />

focus, but seeing this and these lines all the time.<br />

And this.<br />

This is in two parts.<br />

First over here. This tangle. Looking at it — where they come from and<br />

where they don’t lead to and I guess I had the memory of moving with<br />

them and them not reaching as far as I <strong>thought</strong> they could. And then,<br />

I have that. Just like that. Maybe thinking “that’s not enough.”<br />

And then over here, crouching down so that your eye level is level with<br />

the seats. And looking at this still life. It’s quite symbolic how one rests<br />

on the other and hovers lifted above the ground and the one that’s resting<br />

on top allows the lower one to also lift a leg. So one has two legs lifted<br />

and the other has one slightly lifted.*<br />

*20 June 2016<br />

rehearsal<br />

with Biliana<br />

Voutchkova<br />

and Litó<br />

Walkey for<br />

All the notes<br />

remain — a<br />

populated<br />

soliloquy.<br />

Transcriptions<br />

of the words<br />

used when<br />

showing a<br />

banal detail<br />

in the space.


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Tabea<br />

Drawing between happening, becoming something past yet still effecting<br />

possible nows: Over a period of seven days produce a collage, adding an<br />

element per day. Produce a line drawing based on the source material of<br />

the collage through direct copy of a structure, outlines, a shape, words,<br />

a texture.<br />

a poem<br />

Shame on more of the same<br />

And rubber boots are made of oil<br />

A question of taste? maybe not<br />

Fall is when leaves change colours<br />

Deal with things one cannot see<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

All that happens when getting closer<br />

Become a memory. Now. And cry.<br />

( 1<br />

( 2<br />

( 3<br />

( 4<br />

( 5<br />

( 6<br />

( 7<br />

( 8<br />

5 )<br />

Images, always images. Bodies amongst other bodies! Moving. Processes in advent. Open to<br />

being devised and experienced. Listening and observing. Gestural processes of choice making<br />

regarding possibilities at hand. Listening and observing. To find out how a rising question can<br />

possibly be articulated. A question that rises out of a process. Question as a situation that allows<br />

to decide what one cannot decide. To find out what one does not know already all the time.


I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong> 10 11


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Tabea<br />

seven gestures — a series of companion pieces (one pair a day for seven days)<br />

a — fifty sharp pencils, stuffed in the mouth, the points right-angled on a<br />

sheet of paper for five minutes<br />

b — five-minute line drawing self-portrait<br />

a poem<br />

Shame on more of the same<br />

And rubber boots are made of oil<br />

A question of taste? maybe not<br />

Fall is when leaves change colours<br />

Deal with things one cannot see<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

All that happens when getting closer<br />

Become a memory. Now. And cry.<br />

( 1<br />

( 2<br />

( 3<br />

( 4<br />

( 5<br />

( 6<br />

( 7<br />

( 8<br />

6 )<br />

A body of light washing through space, changing the surface colours, reflecting waves. A body<br />

of text, once dropped glowing for ages. Once swallowed burning from inside. A body of sound,<br />

present when happening, gone when it stops. Bodies of different shapes and aggregates. Where<br />

is the silence going when it is getting loud, how is the darkness getting compressed when it is<br />

getting light. Gone or still present somewhere. Compressed, lingering. An invisible layer outside<br />

of vision, a quality present. Still effecting all other bodies.


I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong> 12 13


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Essi<br />

This is an invitation to describe in text two to six atmospheres, seasons,<br />

dynamics and how they act upon, effect and produce change, transformation<br />

within the same environment (concrete, abstract, real,<br />

imaginary — a fragment, in detail) of your design and description.<br />

a poem<br />

Shame on more of the same<br />

And rubber boots are made of oil<br />

A question of taste? maybe not<br />

Fall is when leaves change colours<br />

Deal with things one cannot see<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

All that happens when getting closer<br />

Become a memory. Now. And cry.<br />

( 1<br />

( 2<br />

( 3<br />

( 4<br />

( 5<br />

( 6<br />

( 7<br />

( 8<br />

7 )<br />

Understanding a situation, a presentation, a study as an environ-mental, corpo-real event.<br />

Environments of making. With a specific climate, atmosphere, depending on seasons, agents,<br />

pressures, dynamics. In the making. When making. When audiencing. When witnessing.


I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong> 14 15<br />

mountain follows cloud<br />

follows wind<br />

follows sun<br />

Response<br />

from Essi<br />

sun touches through the leaves, the trunk, the soil and the eight-legged,<br />

the six-legged, the four-legged and the two-legged leaning towards the<br />

ground allow the weight of their bodies fall evenly towards its uneven<br />

surface<br />

river follows pebble<br />

follows root<br />

follows fungi<br />

follows pathway<br />

pathway draws a line across the mountain organising the two-legged<br />

bodies and their hand held devices into uneven<br />

patterns creating movement upwards, downwards, and around in circles<br />

seed follows bird<br />

follows star<br />

follows gravity<br />

gravity organises the rocks on the mountain, the light bones within the<br />

bird body, the hair on the hairy body, the<br />

cables beneath the ocean floor, the magnetic force fields within the<br />

tectonic plate and the seeds within the fruit<br />

gravity follows mountain<br />

follows cloud<br />

follows wind


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Litó<br />

You are invited to write a song addressing different modes of decision<br />

making: Intuitive, material, change of perspective. A sequence of differing<br />

states, a before and a consecutive after in relation to the mode or process<br />

of decision making you describe.<br />

a poem<br />

Shame on more of the same<br />

And rubber boots are made of oil<br />

A question of taste? maybe not<br />

Fall is when leaves change colours<br />

Deal with things one cannot see<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

All that happens when getting closer<br />

Become a memory. Now. And cry.<br />

( 1<br />

( 2<br />

( 3<br />

( 4<br />

( 5<br />

( 6<br />

( 7<br />

( 8<br />

8 )<br />

Physical, corpo-real knowledge to enter the movement of the various objects and entities.<br />

Choreographic thinking and understanding to tell and perceive differences and to devise<br />

situations. Environ-mental activation to produce experiences. Events. With a defined before<br />

and after. Making decisions to learn what one does not already know.


I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong> 16 17<br />

A song of how do you decide? change<br />

Response<br />

from Litó<br />

Become a memory<br />

now<br />

and cry<br />

obstruction then vision<br />

then waiting and holding<br />

then holding<br />

then seeing and bleeding<br />

then air and distraction<br />

then flip<br />

there’s a curve<br />

there’s an echo<br />

Become a memory<br />

sleep will stay<br />

or usher us<br />

a stranger<br />

now<br />

to situations new<br />

the effort to comprise<br />

and cry<br />

is all the soul can do<br />

a direction from the stomach<br />

that goes whoosh (a few meters in front to the right)<br />

but then I’m still here<br />

I’m not over there<br />

Become a memory<br />

sleep will stay<br />

or usher us<br />

a stranger<br />

now<br />

to situations new<br />

the effort to comprise<br />

and cry


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

is all the soul can do<br />

There’s been a lance quick and sudden<br />

I’m not there yet<br />

but the tear holds fire<br />

enough to think through the parcels<br />

and listen to what they impede<br />

Become a memory<br />

sleep will stay<br />

or usher us<br />

a stranger<br />

now<br />

to situations new<br />

the effort to comprise<br />

and cry<br />

is all the soul can do<br />

and cry<br />

is all the soul can do<br />

a poem<br />

Shame on more of the same<br />

And rubber boots are made of oil<br />

A question of taste? maybe not<br />

Fall is when leaves change colours<br />

Deal with things one cannot see<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> I <strong>thought</strong> I <strong>remembered</strong><br />

All that happens when getting closer<br />

Become a memory. Now. And cry.<br />

( 1<br />

( 2<br />

( 3<br />

( 4<br />

( 5<br />

( 6<br />

( 7<br />

( 8<br />

excerpt from On that specific pillow, Emily Dickinson<br />

…<br />

sleep will stay<br />

or usher us —<br />

a stranger —<br />

To Situations<br />

New<br />

the effort<br />

to comprise<br />

it<br />

is all the<br />

Soul can do,<br />


I <strong>saw</strong> Litó I <strong>thought</strong> Walkey with I <strong>remembered</strong> guest contributors<br />

18<br />

the index exists in two places<br />

the as if it’s just about to happen series–book two of four


ook 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Jeanine<br />

Expose an adjacency-event<br />

— and inscribe a testimony of it<br />

Again and again<br />

It turns what is in front of you<br />

so that<br />

vision of action<br />

escapes<br />

a poem<br />

elude your surveillance, elude your surveillance<br />

( 1<br />

on the way to doing it<br />

( 2<br />

turn a subject into a process<br />

( 3<br />

stage a gentle sequence of push-leans<br />

( 4<br />

working out of the worked out<br />

( 5<br />

the index exists in two places<br />

( 6<br />

what does an exhale look like?<br />

( 7<br />

how do you know what happened? ( 8<br />

1 )<br />

Fail to grasp your close observation.<br />

As I watch over myself as I watch over while I am watching a doing, my watching-over falls<br />

behind. It chases after, exceeds ahead. It catches voids and does not fit one picture.<br />

What is in front of me, turns into me in such a way that vision of action escapes, again and again.<br />

Convictions of subjective perception are rotated by events of radical decentring that bring<br />

pleasure-bearing adjacency.<br />

All the space formerly in the service of protecting, guarding, advancing the self is now free to be in<br />

the service of something else. – Simone Weil


the index exists in two places<br />

20 21<br />

Testimonials to Adjacency<br />

It’s only worthwhile playing in the dirt if you are willing to get dirty.<br />

Response<br />

from Jeanine<br />

You can’t see yourself from the inside<br />

But if you stand close enough,<br />

Side by side to your other side,<br />

You will disappear.<br />

Move fast forward into the bonfire.<br />

Move to burn the former part of yourself,<br />

the past particle, the past participle.<br />

Lose your self, completely. Leave no trace.<br />

Be the head that is the be head dead,<br />

That turns to face itself. Escape.<br />

Like the obverse portrait of an imperial coin,<br />

You no longer have the body that got you here.<br />

Experience yourself as just a little beside the point.<br />

Direct yourself, otherly. Everything will be fine.<br />

It’s lovely inside the heart that can hold itself, again.<br />

Resist the point and shoot tulip on Instagram<br />

And lay yourself down, facing the sky.<br />

There’s memory up there that floats northerly.<br />

Fred Astaire’s not dead, though<br />

Trump is alive in the minds of Men on Meth.<br />

You have to face that fact, once and for all.<br />

Give yourself back to the sea. It can take it.<br />

Imagine higher than the hardest mountain to climb. You can do it.<br />

No amount of selfies on your iPhone will get you back home.<br />

Plus, you left your flashlight behind, so, you’re pretty well fucked.<br />

In the distance you see a clearing, and beyond that distance, your<br />

house. Yet the closer you get, like a forever regret, you know, it will<br />

never be the same.


ook 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Florian<br />

There will be a year in which there will be a month, in which there will<br />

be a week in which there will be a day in which . . .<br />

Observe a passage where one thing turns into another.<br />

Tell this as a line through frames of time that draws relation to yourself.<br />

a poem<br />

elude your surveillance, elude your surveillance<br />

( 1<br />

on the way to doing it<br />

( 2<br />

turn a subject into a process<br />

( 3<br />

stage a gentle sequence of push-leans<br />

( 4<br />

working out of the worked out<br />

( 5<br />

the index exists in two places<br />

( 6<br />

what does an exhale look like?<br />

( 7<br />

how do you know what happened? ( 8<br />

2 )<br />

Caught in the movement process of migration.<br />

We were awaiting something that in fact had already begun. – Erin La Cour<br />

Frames of time, specified intervals of engagement. Triggering and jumpstarting a fragment<br />

that is just this and for now, that holds possibility of being joined by another fragment and<br />

transforming into something else on the way, while going, on the move, along for a trip, a<br />

travel, a way through, across, migration.<br />

A setting in motion with directional intent. An intention to move toward somewhere, but<br />

not to get to a place. A place-seeking, not a place-finding.


the index exists in two places<br />

22 23<br />

Holding a 5-year-old on one hand and a plastic bag in the other I am<br />

looking at the brand new T-Rex skeleton in the natural history museum.<br />

I think of the plants T-Rex squashed when walking the environments of his<br />

times, 68 to 66 million years ago, which potentially turned into the oil used<br />

to produce the plastic bag (if plastic bags are actually produced from oil).<br />

Response<br />

from Florian<br />

A <strong>thought</strong> that re-occurs when passing a Shisha bar on the way back from<br />

work smelling the odours of apple-flavoured tobacco. Pieces of burning<br />

charcoal. (Mental note: Chew a piece of coal. Taste the Cretaceous period.)<br />

Of course I have to cry while feeling massively offended by the awareness of<br />

the general vulnerability of my species. The incapability to cope physically,<br />

intellectually, emotionally or for that in any way with universal scale is<br />

hopeless.<br />

But in a couple of million years some of us might be diamonds.


ook 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Juan<br />

and Johanne<br />

and to Suvi<br />

and Liina<br />

Record a 10-minute conversation with your partner about:<br />

“Turn a subject into a process” and its corresponding footnote.<br />

Each transcribe only what your partner said.<br />

Work together to combine and re-order your transcriptions into one<br />

title and five sentences.<br />

a poem<br />

elude your surveillance, elude your surveillance<br />

( 1<br />

on the way to doing it<br />

( 2<br />

turn a subject into a process<br />

( 3<br />

stage a gentle sequence of push-leans<br />

( 4<br />

working out of the worked out<br />

( 5<br />

the index exists in two places<br />

( 6<br />

what does an exhale look like?<br />

( 7<br />

how do you know what happened? ( 8<br />

3 )<br />

The subject asks: “What am I able to do without feeling like shit?”<br />

The process answers: “Work like clouds.”<br />

A subject turns its head to the side<br />

it turns to look behind and to itself<br />

it stands in the middle of a crowded room<br />

and it stands in an empty room<br />

identified, defined, differentiated<br />

or<br />

non recognisable, non-distinct, unremarkable<br />

A dramatic turn of events occurs: The subject becomes a process.<br />

“Commit to the unlikely” it says.<br />

An invitation.<br />

A suggestive opening. The possibility for the thing as it is, to change.


the index exists in two places<br />

24 25<br />

Hold me like you’re always with someone and like you like you<br />

Chances of rain are the risk is activity<br />

I am you and you are me<br />

If we ask the listening if it becomes if listening becomes a composition<br />

A flickery voice travels above a field<br />

Response<br />

from Juan<br />

and Johanne<br />

turn a subject into a process conversation transcription<br />

I think we have to I took it very personally<br />

Response<br />

from Suvi<br />

and Liina<br />

I love love it I was on sick leave maybe you can be tired of asking<br />

why or what am I doing find yourself in india<br />

text is the voice of the movie exhaustion<br />

and time is the drama that has to happen<br />

you might be working with this all your life<br />

I don’t know losing it loose jump to a different place<br />

two things I’m obsessed with but I choose a completely other one<br />

this is how I’ve tried to survive destructive or not satisfied<br />

you can take the shit or exhaust the shit<br />

I’m most clearest when I’m in the process of an artistic work<br />

unlikely as a guide


ook 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Zhenya<br />

Use the example in the footnote to make a portraiture of five gestures.<br />

The portraiture necessitates an embodiment of navigation through<br />

aligning and dis-aligning components.<br />

Document the embodiment of this navigation through language in no<br />

more than 250 words.<br />

a poem<br />

elude your surveillance, elude your surveillance<br />

( 1<br />

on the way to doing it<br />

( 2<br />

turn a subject into a process<br />

( 3<br />

stage a gentle sequence of push-leans<br />

( 4<br />

working out of the worked out<br />

( 5<br />

the index exists in two places<br />

( 6<br />

what does an exhale look like?<br />

( 7<br />

how do you know what happened? ( 8<br />

4 )<br />

An example<br />

Staging affirms a time and place where things will exist together—to be seen.<br />

To stage is to stare and stand, to stand and stare, to stop at a place, like a platform, deciding.<br />

A sequence is a set of related events, movements and things.<br />

Push and lean are physical gestures that also extend to notions such as overtaking, forcing,<br />

relying, supporting and preferring.<br />

And with gentleness.


the index exists in two places<br />

26 27<br />

This is an investigation<br />

It’s dark / It’s dark, but you see some things<br />

It’s dark, but you see me / It’s dark, but you see<br />

Response<br />

from Zhenya<br />

You see a door, but I will close it<br />

You see, I am in my underwear<br />

There is this quality that I will let YOU guess<br />

Because I need YOUR guess, just like you need<br />

You have needs / And you are here<br />

Not there / And even if you are there, you are here<br />

I am not sure how to call this “here” place<br />

I would say it’s a place that can remind of childhood<br />

But childhood is not the key / It’s just a reference to . . . this<br />

And three periods in a row means something is there<br />

I invite you to look at . . . this<br />

And figure out what can be there . . .<br />

There, in those periods . . .<br />

You see, you have to be here / And I know you are<br />

But to know that you are here / You need to remember<br />

Remember me pushing upside down?<br />

Remember me thinking of gravity and looking in the mirror?<br />

Remember me switching the lights off?<br />

Remember me behind that curtain?<br />

One can be manic / and obsessive<br />

and sociopathic / and delusional<br />

and broke / and afraid<br />

and ready to move / and ready to be misunderstood<br />

and not ready at all / and here and now<br />

and very very very much in doubt / and hungry<br />

and with no air to breathe / and on Facebook<br />

and wasting time / and exploited<br />

and and and and still


ook 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Tabea<br />

On the same page but not taking the space of the other, draw a repetition<br />

where the intervals can perform together.<br />

a poem<br />

elude your surveillance, elude your surveillance<br />

( 1<br />

on the way to doing it<br />

( 2<br />

turn a subject into a process<br />

( 3<br />

stage a gentle sequence of push-leans<br />

( 4<br />

working out of the worked out<br />

( 5<br />

the index exists in two places<br />

( 6<br />

what does an exhale look like?<br />

( 7<br />

how do you know what happened? ( 8<br />

5 )<br />

This interval made of things gathered (of what’s there and not there).<br />

A simultaneous gathering and forming.<br />

Again the parts — have been, have happened, have impressed, imprinted memories and then<br />

holding, moving through these.<br />

Keeping them as they are, what they have come to be, as they have already occurred, trying<br />

to “just repeat,” re-enter, reproduce.<br />

Through re-occurrence and in co-occurrence, things change.<br />

The worked out intervals can perform together, making concrete assemblages into an event.


the index exists in two places<br />

28 29


ook 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Helen<br />

Consider this excerpt and its footnote and show more places.<br />

Have this showing exist or at least end up in the space of a 5.83 x 8.27<br />

inch page in words or markings that can be produced by a digital typeset.<br />

a poem<br />

elude your surveillance, elude your surveillance<br />

( 1<br />

on the way to doing it<br />

( 2<br />

turn a subject into a process<br />

( 3<br />

stage a gentle sequence of push-leans<br />

( 4<br />

working out of the worked out<br />

( 5<br />

the index exists in two places<br />

( 6<br />

what does an exhale look like?<br />

( 7<br />

how do you know what happened? ( 8<br />

6 )<br />

The synchronous is accurate to reality.<br />

This is a description of not making anything new.<br />

This is a description of a non-centric organising principle.<br />

This is a description of actions or images developing along a vertical axis.<br />

This is a deliberate deviation of our gaze.<br />

This builds through non-building and neutralises semantic effects of sequencing.<br />

This repeats the unintentional, void of decisions.<br />

This gives access to new conditions with old language.<br />

This considers the second time as initial as the first.<br />

This brings recognition without ever having been seen before.


the index exists in two places<br />

30 31<br />

unsolicited self-interview for consideration regarding position<br />

as assistant to Reb Anderson<br />

Response<br />

from Helen<br />

Please describe previous gainful employment.<br />

Started work at age 14 as busgirl at vegetarian restaurant in Rochester<br />

New York, and then as an offset pre-press operator. During college<br />

in Vermont: waited tables, library clerk, glassblowing assistant. Briefly<br />

substitute postal mail carrier in Seattle, Washington. Couple years as<br />

a museum preparator in Chicago — handling of objects large and small,<br />

and general construction. So-called professor of studio art, aka material<br />

and conceptual experimentation, for many years. In the context of role as<br />

full-time faculty member, in addition to teaching, experience on various<br />

departmental and university committees, thesis advisor for undergraduates,<br />

advisor for graduate students, etc<br />

What skills do you have that might be relevant?<br />

comfortable doing basic carpentry, and familiar with the range of<br />

common tools, and have taught others how to use them, though by no<br />

means a skilled carpenter attuned to both appropriate transparency and<br />

appropriate confidentiality informal tea preparation, incl matcha, sencha,<br />

bancha, oolong, pu-ehr material knowledge, incl textiles, papers, pigments<br />

long-distance walking<br />

What else might we want to know in considering your application?<br />

No priestly ambitions, though altogether glad to learn any/all aspects of<br />

the vocation. I’m not looking for something to do and this is something<br />

I would like to do.<br />

Interest in ink grinding.<br />

When are you available?<br />

from October 16 onwards.<br />

address as of October 15 : 15 Muir Beach Overlook, Muir Beach CA 94965<br />

sent to Reb 29 July 2016<br />

250 word / A5 11 August<br />

HM:HM


ook 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Tabea<br />

For the duration of this drawing, stay close to an emission of breath,<br />

especially before it begins and after it’s done<br />

a poem<br />

elude your surveillance, elude your surveillance<br />

( 1<br />

on the way to doing it<br />

( 2<br />

turn a subject into a process<br />

( 3<br />

stage a gentle sequence of push-leans<br />

( 4<br />

working out of the worked out<br />

( 5<br />

the index exists in two places<br />

( 6<br />

what does an exhale look like?<br />

( 7<br />

how do you know what happened? ( 8<br />

7 )<br />

Stretching beyond any assignable borders externally,<br />

it is an emission of breath or vapour,<br />

It looks past time, beyond the frame, after time, before it begins, after it’s done.<br />

It looks like we’re keeping it going together, like things have fallen into place, like things<br />

are running on their own.<br />

It’s writing itself, the conditions are right, and we start before we’re ready.<br />

Everything is in the releasing.<br />

To allow, make available, surrender and to stretch out again.<br />

To inaugurate self-generated permission,<br />

and to become available for something else.


the index exists in two places<br />

32 33


ook 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

book 2 part 2<br />

Litó Walkey with guest contributors<br />

Invitation<br />

to Florian<br />

Without warning, start in the middle and begin with the instant of today.<br />

Use the internal grammar of:<br />

“I-was-this” (I was scared) and “it-did-this” (it left a scar)<br />

to know what happened.<br />

Perform this and re-tell it in writing.<br />

a poem<br />

elude your surveillance, elude your surveillance<br />

( 1<br />

on the way to doing it<br />

( 2<br />

turn a subject into a process<br />

( 3<br />

stage a gentle sequence of push-leans<br />

( 4<br />

working out of the worked out<br />

( 5<br />

the index exists in two places<br />

( 6<br />

what does an exhale look like?<br />

( 7<br />

how do you know what happened? ( 8<br />

8 )<br />

I <strong>saw</strong> it, I heard it, they told me, she showed me, I was part of it, I remember it, something<br />

broke, something was fixed, I was offended, someone left abruptly, it took so long, time passed<br />

quickly, there was an interruption, I fell asleep, I hurt myself, I got lost, this other thing happened<br />

at the same time, it made me want to do it, I had to do it again, I had to learn it, I had to teach<br />

it, everything stopped, there was sincerity, it all seemed fake, I was scared, it left a scar.


the index exists in two places<br />

34 35<br />

I want an early start, allow the first tram to reach my consciousness and<br />

wake me up. Half asleep I decide against snoozing and the possibility of<br />

wicked dreams. I feel my back and immediately an overwhelming list of<br />

things materialises. My mouth feels unusually dry, my brains like whipped<br />

cream just not as sweet. The quote makes me smile. I think of doing the<br />

laundry. Then I put on the coffee machine and get the newspaper. The<br />

list is not a list but a pile of needs and wishes and tasks and duties all<br />

related to people close and far. Things that are mutually exclusive. One<br />

or the other. I think of moving bodies in space, different materialities and<br />

dynamics, qualities and grammars. I put down the newspaper, get a cup<br />

of coffee and think about identifying my own needs and wishes to single<br />

out simple tasks from THE PILE. Putting down the cup I take a deck of<br />

cards and rehearse a little card trick (the Lennard Green top shot, a flashy<br />

way of card production, far beyond my limited skills). I do the laundry<br />

and make a plan for the day. I change the plan over breakfast with partner<br />

and kids. I feel the grudges and disappointments. I manage to explain my<br />

needs and feelings. Several plans are changed again. I feel independent<br />

and competent. On the way out I pick up the IKEA catalogue and drop it<br />

in the recycling bin.<br />

Response<br />

from Florian


ook 2 part 1<br />

Florian Feigl with guest contributors<br />

Sources<br />

Book Two Part One<br />

Emily Dickinson, On that specific pillow, c. 1881<br />

Franz Kafka, Metamorphosis, 1915<br />

Book Two Part Two<br />

Simone Weil, Gravity and Grace, translated by Arthur Wills, 1952<br />

Erin La Cour, Response / One Events / AMCh Final Presentation, 2013<br />

Workshop<br />

description<br />

Gestures of portraiture<br />

In October 2015 Florian Feigl and Litó Walkey co-taught a workshop<br />

designed to initiate the first year students into the BA HZT course. Within<br />

the broader contexts of biography, identity and personal narration,<br />

portraiture served as a process-based approach towards small formats of<br />

dance, performance, composition and writing. Inquiries included: What<br />

possible transformations do biographical narrations undergo when taken<br />

apart and distributed into a group? What are possible relations between<br />

the personal, the biographical and research? How do single elements of<br />

personal resources change and develop when extracted and transferred<br />

into other contexts? Practical approaches included notebook practice,<br />

compositional strategies and practices, writing studies, studies with<br />

textures and material, spatial relation and drawing, reading, thinking,<br />

feedback and discussion in individual, small and large group constellations.


HZT teaching staff<br />

Josephine Findeisen<br />

Alistair Watts<br />

Authors<br />

–<br />

Florian Feigl 1, 2<br />

Judith Förster 1<br />

Juan Felipe Amaya Gonzalez 1, 2<br />

Simone Gisela Weber 1<br />

1<br />

book two<br />

part one<br />

Sheena McGrandles<br />

Litó Walkey 1, 2<br />

Renen Itzhaki<br />

Camille Jemelen 1<br />

guest writers<br />

–<br />

2<br />

book two<br />

part two<br />

Britta Wirthmüller<br />

Suvi Kemppainen 1, 2<br />

Katerina Bakatsaki<br />

Julek Kreutzer<br />

Derrais (d.a.) Carter<br />

HZT student & alumni<br />

Katrine Staub Larsen 1<br />

Jeanine Durning 2<br />

guest writers<br />

Anna Lena Lehr<br />

Arnold Dreyblatt<br />

–<br />

Myriam Lucas 1<br />

Essi Kausalainen 1<br />

Johanna Ackva<br />

Liina Mariudottir 2<br />

Johannes Lothar Schröder<br />

Asaf Aharonson<br />

Magdalena Meindl<br />

Joy Mariama Smith<br />

Cécile Bally<br />

Johanne Merke 1, 2<br />

Rhys Martin<br />

Sandhya Daemgen<br />

Josefine Mühle 1<br />

Helen Mirra 2<br />

Katerina Delakoura 1<br />

Lyllie Rouvière<br />

Anne Schuh<br />

Xenia Taniko Dwertmann<br />

Zhenya Salinschi 1, 2<br />

William Wheeler<br />

Ewa Dziarnowska<br />

Sunayana Shetty<br />

Rosemarie Eberl 1<br />

Grėtė Šmitaitė<br />

all drawings<br />

Ivan Ekemark<br />

Julia Keren Turbahn 1<br />

–<br />

Forough Fami<br />

Aabshaar Wakhloo 1<br />

Tabea Xenia Magyar<br />

project editor : Litó Walkey copy editor : Karen Christopher publisher : HZT, UdK<br />

Berlin graphic design : Milchhof Atelier: Andreas Töpfer, Carsten Stabenow<br />

printing : Steinmeier, Deiningen<br />

Imprint<br />

Special thanks to Tabea Xenia Magyar and all guest writers for their contributions to<br />

this publication. Thanks to Chrysa Parkinson and DOCH for inspiration from the format<br />

of The Dancer as Agent Collection publication. Thanks to Matthew Goulish and Lin<br />

Hixson for inspiration from their assignment for reading essays, recounted in the<br />

introduction by Jane Blocker for Matthew Goulish’s publication The Brightest Thing<br />

in the World.<br />

HZT — Inter-University Centre for Dance Berlin is the joint responsibility of the Berlin<br />

University of the Arts (UdK) and the Hochschule für Schauspielkunst “Ernst Busch”<br />

(HfS) in cooperation with TanzRaumBerlin, a network for the professional dance scene.<br />

Weblink : www.hzt-berlin.de ISBN : 978-3-00-055501-5

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