Siouxland Magazine - Volume 2 Issue 5

alance
Inside and out.
Forgive with Action
By Hali Benson
Forgiveness for many can be harder
than pulling teeth, when we think about
forgiveness what comes to mind is “they did
x, so why should I have to forgive them” --
and most frequently we could think that way
and go on living our lives without changing
our perception. Today, I want you to understand
a new perception of forgiveness and the quote
goes like this, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison
yourself and waiting for the other person to die.” It is
a slow, painful withering from the inside out and it is
detrimental to growth. I am here to tell you, there is a
process to forgiving and I will keep it short:
First, show up… come with a pen and paper and write
down the things that are bothering you. This could
be about yourself; it could be about someone else.
Make sure to write every emotion, feeling, context
and event that comes with the notion that you need
to forgive. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable
and write down every detail then it is no longer in
our head festering and growing to be something
larger. After you are finished writing, walk away.
Give yourself a brief 5-10 minutes or even the next
day to notice your body as you release all that you
know to something other than your mind. Then, with
clear eyes, and a decluttered mind come back to that
journal and process the information. Find the lesson,
build courage to take responsibility for your actions
or lack thereof and speak to yourself a wholehearted
apology and if need be, reach out to the other.
And here is how it goes, an ancient Hawaiian word
called ho‘oponopono meaning, “to make right” is the
example I am using to help you through this process.
To make something right means that you must let go
of the ego, CHOOSE to see the teaching, and ask for
forgiveness. Ho’oponopono is (1) I am sorry (2) Forgive
me (3) Thank you (4) I love you; so, there is essentially
four parts to this one practice. As an example: I’m
sorry Hali for mistreating you when I didn’t honor
your highest Self, please forgive me as I learn today
that I cannot bear the weight of other’s problems but
rather listen and release, thank you for embodying a
woman with grace and ease and a woman who can
be counted on, I love you. This practice is not meant
Hali Belly Breathing.
to be perfect, but rather about connection -- when we
seek forgiveness it is humbling, raw but utmost relieving.
It truly comes down to a choice.
Now, I did not say this would be an easy process, in fact,
this might cause you to tremble. But a heartfelt trembling
forgiveness is much better than a slow death of bitterness
and resentment. Much of our unforgiveness is habitual
or a pattern of not processing our emotions as they
come. If we have a body full of unprocessed emotions it
wreaks havoc on the body as a whole and eventually, we
have other underlying problems down the road such as:
short tempered, weakened immune system, unsettling
thoughts, or coping mechanisms. The good news is,
at any point in our life we can choose to stop the habit
and correct the course of our life. This all begins with
connection, with yourself and our loved ones.
Finally, be consistent with forgiveness. Know that it is not
a one and done practice, it is a daily responsibility that
we courageously choose and slowly over time it will get
easier because you are getting comfortable with the
discomfort. And if you do not have a daily practice of
solitude, enjoy the Belly Breath exercise I have provided
to begin your healing journey.