adventures

CHAPTER 6
A WHOLE NEW BALL GAME
Above the stage in the grand hall of the castle there was a huge clock. On every hour, the clock
would chime. Exactly as it was chiming eight, two serving men walked down the centre of the hall,
up the steps to the great doors, and swung them open.
There waited a great crowd of people. The more ordinary folk, or, to put it less politely, peasants,
a select number of whom had been graciously given tickets to the ball, were gossiping and
gasping at the decor of the castle. The more fashionable were quieter, and generally further back.
Apart from Bernice and Wolsey, who were at the very front of the crowd. The Master of Ceremonies
raised an eyebrow at them as he pulled a roll of parchment from his sleeve and made his
way to a little lectern by the doorway, obviously sooner than he'd expected. 'The Princess
Bernice,' he announced to the empty room. 'And Wolsey the Cat.'
Bernice and Wolsey marched down the steps, Bernice feeling rather embarrassed. She didn't
know the etiquette of such things, and she'd been eager to get the evening started. Enjoying
gowns of all kinds as she did, she was still getting used to the scaffolding that was holding her
skirts up, not to mention stays so tight that she'd actually developed breasts. The shoes were a
bit impractical, too. They were made of glass, and so Benny was taking tiny steps, aware that
putting her foot down too hard, let alone any attempt at disco, could create a horrible anklehaemorrhaging
situation.
She managed to navigate the dress into a sitting position, and she and Wolsey took their
places at the head table as commoners filed into the room, obviously cowed by their surroundings.
Wolsey gazed around at the vast number of place settings, the huge dance floor at one end of
the room, and the great stage. 'The King's balls get bigger every year,' he purred.
'See? You don't need the Dick jokes,' Bernice whispered back.
The MC cleared his throat. 'Dame Candy,' he called. Then, a moment later, as if under severe
duress. 'With nobody. As yet.'
Across the floor glided Candy, in a vastly petticoated dress with polka-dot socks, a huge conical
bustier, and a six-foot pile of beehived hair. Her face was pink with make-up. 'What do you think?'
she asked Bernice and Wolsey, thumping down into her seat. 'A bit too subtle, maybe? I didn't
want anything that said "come and get me".'
'That certainly doesn't.' Wolsey smiled.
'The seven . . .' The MC paused, and made a little cough. Then through clenched teeth, he continued,
'The seven . . . dwarves.'
A ripple of distaste ran through the crowd. In a line, the dwarves marched proudly into the hall,
Moody at their head. They were wearing evening dress in very small sizes. Moody had selected a
powerful double-breasted jacket. Bernice realized that, now he was a dwarf, he was human, and
his arms were in the usual place. Bitchy had the most fabulous black gown, Gushy was wearing a
lavender dress with long gloves, and Liberal had chosen a muted fawn trouser suit. Laddish looked
like a bouncer, with a silly red bow tie. The only one who hadn't dressed for the occasion was
Lazy, who was just wearing his usual dwarfish doublet. Cute was at the back of the group, being
the littlest. He waved enthusiastically to Benny. He had had his hair done, and was wearing the
cutest little tuxedo . . .
Bernice slapped herself across the face. Hard. This was pathetic. That little being lived for her,