adventures

Bernice went to him and tickled him behind the ears. 'There is something we could try, to free
your memories of what you used to be like. You'd be a lot more help to me that way. You might
even be aware of a way out of this mess.'
Wolsey shrugged a long cat shrug, flicking his ears at the tickling. 'What have I got to lose?'
Extract from the Diary of Bernice Summerfield:
If any of my future biographers are, by this point, in any doubt as to the veracity of my account of
this particular adventure, I would like to point out now that I have not (recently) taken any sort of
illegal chemical compound. You may accept my word for it that we all trooped up to one of the
bedrooms, and that I, surrounded by a fellow professor in drag and seven miniature duplicates of
the brightest students from my tutorial group, proceeded to attempt hypnotic regression on a
giant humanoid version of my pet cat.
Listen, at one point it was a toss-up as to whether I wrote this up as a diary, or attempted to
create a classic of children's literature.
Anyhow, Wolsey kicked off his boots and lay down on the bed in the darkened room, while the
rest of us sat down all around him.
'Ooh,' muttered Candy. 'Dark, isn't it?'
I looked around for something small that might glitter, and found, in my pocket, the box that
I'd recovered from my old bedroom. (Yes, that bit's true as well.) Only now it had changed shape
completely, as if reacting to the new world that I'd brought it into. It had become a ring. The
glowing green bulb was now the jewel set in its collet. Fair enough. I instructed Wolsey to relax
and began to circle the ring in front of his nose, trying to remember everything that Professor
Laight, the University Counsellor, had told me about various forms of therapy. (When we
happened to meet over coffee one day in the Senior Common Room, that is. Yes, it was quite a
long coffee, to learn so many of his professional techniques, but I was very interested, all right?
He'd done so much for me, made me feel so much more . . . Look, what's it to you, anyway?
Bloody biographers. It's your job to paint me in a good light, remember? Just avoid all psychological
speculation, that's my advice.) Wolsey put his hands down beside him, tail twitching violently
beneath him. But he did his best to concentrate on the warm green light that I was waving in
front of him. 'You're relaxing. And as you're relaxing, you can feel your breathing slowing, and as
your breathing's slowing you can feel yourself relaxing . . .' I repeated the mantra over and over,
emphasizing the sounds in my own breathing that would send a human being into a trance,
rounding and shaping my vowel sounds as Laight had taught me to do in front of a mirror. Of
course, this was assuming that Wolsey was now like a human being, but, since he was in so many
other ways, it seemed a fair bet. Wolsey kept his eyes open, but I felt sure I was succeeding when
I heard a gentle snore.
But then Gushy tapped me on the shoulder.
Candy was slumped against the far wall, out cold. Trust a dame always to go for the oldest
joke in the book. (Not that that's the oldest joke in this book. Ahem.) While Moody gently slapped
Candy awake once more, Wolsey smiled gently.
'Do go on,' he murmured. 'It may not be working, but it's very relaxing.'
I redoubled my efforts, however, and gradually a look of peaceful contemplation came over the
cat's features. I attempted to use the regression therapy I'd learnt from Professor Laight to take
him back to his earliest memory, but when we went back more than a few days, he started to
twitch and shake and make disturbing mewling noises deep in his throat. There was obviously
some sort of barrier at work. I settled back in my chair, thinking that here was another possible
exit being denied to me, and fiddled absently with the jewel on top of the ring, considering what
to do next. Good thing I did, too, because the green gemstone suddenly shone and Wolsey let out
a long groan.
'My first memory,' he whispered. 'Saying hello to you. Sitting on the stile. My hand on my furry
chin.'
'That's when I first met you,' I told him. 'What's before that? What were you like before?'
The green gem pulsed some more and Wolsey shook, his eyes flickering to the left and right as