adventures

echoing around the slimy walls.
'No, you great fool, I'm ordering a curry.' There was a bubbling noise from within the cauldron
and a puff of green smoke rose from the surface of the magical waters as a face formed there.
This caused an ooh, which the Vizier liked even more than a boo, because, while a boo indicated
that he was being evil, an ooh meant that he was being spectacular with it. He wafted the smoke
away and wrinkled his nose, then shouted down into the cauldron. 'Better make it a mild one,
then!' He glanced over his shoulder and saw the subject of one of his plots hesitantly descending
down the stairs. He rubbed his hands together in glee. 'Aha! The one I seek! The boy Aladdin! I
should have ordered an extra portion of rice . . .'
Bernice had found the cellars of the castle quite easily, but had had trouble finding just which of
the many cavernous magical workshops and dungeons was actually the one she was after. They
really ought to have produced some kind of directory. When she'd found the one she wanted,
she'd tiptoed down the stairs, hoping to catch the Vizier unawares. But he'd seen her as soon as
she'd entered. Now he ran over to her, and swept down into a regal bow. 'Ah, Aladdin, my
favourite boy! May the bounties of the heavens rain down upon your lands.'
Bernice bowed back. 'And on yours.'
'May the wealth of all nations be carried in your barges.'
'And in yours.'
'May the goodness of the oceans flow up your rivers.'
Bernice looked up. 'Erm, let's get down to business, shall we?'
The Vizier grinned a vast, toothy grin and wrinkled his nose at her. 'Oh, stop messin' about.' A
moment later, he was serious once more. 'It is as well you have found me, dear Aladdin, for I
have a small favour to ask of you. It is a minor task, but the reward will be whopping great
riches.'
Bernice tapped her chin. 'Let me guess, you want me to go down into a cave somewhere and
get a dirty old lamp for you?'
The Vizier looked downcast. 'How'd you know? Yes, that's exactly it. What do you think?'
Bernice had been watching the way the man moved. Unlike everybody else she'd met in this
weird place, both the Vizier and her Fairy Godfather were strangely animated. Literally so. It was
as if they were very advanced animations, distinguishable from people only in that they were stylized.
She reached out a hand and touched the Vizier's robe. He was solid enough. She decided to
try something. 'Let me guess: you want me to go down into a cave somewhere and get a dirty old
lamp for you?' she repeated.
The Vizier looked downcast in exactly the same way. 'How'd you know? Yes, that's exactly it.
What do you think?'
Bernice uttered her phrase a third time, and his response was, again, exactly the same. A slow
smile spread across her features. She felt like she was getting the hang of panto now. 'Let me ask
you something first,' she replied. 'You can do magic, correct?'
'It's . . . a kind of magic,' the Vizier began.
Bernice stopped him. 'No, no, I haven't got time for the musical version. Can you or can you
not perform feats beyond the bounds of the physical sciences?'
'Yes.' He nodded eagerly.
Bernice considered her next move carefully. He might, therefore, be able to get them all out of
this strange place. But she had to find the right pantomime way to make him do it. That, for the
moment, eluded her. She still didn't have enough information. There was only one way to learn
more. 'Then I'm your man,' she told him. 'Where do I find this lamp?'
'I've got a map.' The Vizier grinned and scuttled off to find it. He glanced back at her over his
shoulder. 'It's going to be a great adventure!'
'A great adventure?' Bernice shrugged. In the world of pantomime, it was more likely going to
be something like . . .