Island Parent December 2020 / January 2021

Miscommunications like this can be at
the root of tantrums more often than you
might think. Figuring out what words
mean is hard, and words that don’t refer
to concrete objects are especially tricky.
To understand yellow, for instance, you
have to understand that the person isn’t
talking about the object, they are talking
about a property of the object, a property
that can look quite different on different
objects (for example, a yellow banana is
a different colour than a yellow bean).
Words that refer to things that you
can’t see at all, like “think” or “sad,”
are even more difficult. In our house,
the word “hungry” was the cause of a
tantrum more than once. The word came
up a lot as my son didn’t much like to
eat—it got in the way of doing more
interesting things. We could often tell
he was hungry because of his mood, but
when we said he was hungry and needed
to eat, he would insist that he wasn’t.
And he would get increasingly upset at
us for saying it, sometimes to the point of
a tantrum—which was of course, made
more likely because of his hunger!
Eventually I figured out that he didn’t
understand what hungry meant and didn’t
want to say he was something he might not
be. When I explained that hungry meant
having a grumbly sore tummy that wanted
food he said “Oh, I feel like that a lot! I
guess I do get hungry.” And with that, our
tussles over “being hungry” ended.
I should have recognized earlier that
language was at the root of our “hungry”
problem. After all, child language development
is my specialization. But you can
learn from my failing.
Try to figure out what your child is trying
to tell you. Tell them you don’t quite
understand, but want to, and ask them to
show you what they want if they can. On
the other side of things, make sure that
they understand what you are saying.
They might think you mean something
you don’t and that might be the issue.
Sorting out a miscommunication might
have to wait until after the tantrum
ends when your child is calm and ready
to talk, but if you’re lucky, you can fix
things before the tantrum starts. And if
you’re not so lucky, the post-tantrum
time is a perfect opportunity to help your
child understand those especially tricky
emotion words. You can explain what
sad or mad or frustrated feel like, tell
them that you feel those things sometimes
too and what you do to deal with your
own negative emotions.
WINTER
STUDIO
Carla Hudson Kam, PhD, is a Professor
of Linguistics at the University of British
Columbia.
Get creative and stay connected to art and each other this winter!
Join the AGGV Studio for a range of virtual offerings as well as
private, in-person art classes.
REGISTER TODAY AT:
aggv.ca/learn/aggv-studio
250.384.4171 or at 1040 Moss St
It might take a while, but these conversations
will help your child learn to deal
with emotions without tantrums. And
you’ll get a chance to see things from
their perspective in the meantime.
FOR MORE INFORMATION,
PLEASE EMAIL:
studio@aggv.ca
aggv.ca
IslandParent.ca
December 2020 / January 2021 19