NG8 July/August 2021

I was a bit disorientated this morning, I couldn’t
remember what side the sun came up.
Then it dawned on me!
S Hall
I built a model of Mount Everest & my son asked,
“is this to scale?”
I replied, “No.”
“it’s to look at.”
Unknown
Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they ARRRRR
S Osborne
Cat’s
Top Tips
Perfect Ice Cream
To stop ice crystals forming on ice cream put it near the
back of the freezer. Fluctuating temperatures means
softening and refreezing leading to unpleasant lumps/
crystals.
D Burns
Carton Recycling
Save the cartons that fresh strawberries come in and
use them to start your seeds off when gardening. The
containers already have holes in the bottom for drainage
so are ideal!
M Clark
TopJokes
Crackers
What do you call a magician with no magic?
Ian
P Jones
Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks?
Because he’s Tudor!
S Osborne
WIN A £20 ONE 4 ALL VOUCHER
Fruity Cubes
Add fresh raspberries or blueberries or mint leaves to your
water when making ice cubes and pop them in your drink for a
refreshing change!
M Clark
Water Saver
Put your watering can or a jug under the tap while waiting
for the water to run warm, this can then be used to water the
garden.
M Clark
Gentle Plant Grower
When growing plants that need a stick or cane, use a wooden ice
lolly stick and a peg to clip round the plant without damaging it.
M Clark
Plant Growth Accelerator
To accelerate growth of plants or seeds pop a food bag over
the top if indoors and a plant pot over the top if outdoors and
the seedlings should appear more quickly!
M Clark
WINNING ENTRY
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, “how long before
I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of
customers and said, “about 2 hours.” The guy left. A few days later,
the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked “how long before
I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around at the shop and said
“about 3 hours.” The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his
head in the shop and asked, “how long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looked around the shop and said “about an hour and a
half.” The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, “hey, Bob
do me a favour, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking
how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.” A
little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The
barber asked, “so where does he go when he leaves?” Bob looked up,
wiped the tears from his eyes and said, “your house!”
A Parker
Send your top tip or joke for inclusion in the next mag.
The best one will win a £20 One 4 All voucher!!
Please email your entries to cat@ngmagazines.org.uk
and include your name, address & tel no.