NG8 July/August 2021

As I gaze forlornly into my pathetic little wardrobe, I
often ponder the question, how should a 55 year old
dress?
Are Doc Martins still acceptable? (yes), can I still
get away with skinny jeans? (yes, but only if the
waistband comes up to my chin and they are 100%
lycra, so jeggings then…), how about a cropped top?
(Absolutely no chance. Whatsoever). Having said
that, I recently purchased a new sports bra. I didn’t
realise it was a pull on. What a palaver. After much
huffing and puffing (I actually googled it), I eventually
squeezed into it. There was a bit of back and arm
overspill, but I reckon I got away with it (another
advantage of Zoom classes). Throughout the class, I
was stressing about how the hell I was going to get the
flipping thing off. Sure enough, no amount of twisting,
pulling and contorting helped. I ended up calling for
backup and between us Gary and I managed to release
me. Needless to say, this is now on Vinted (my new
favourite second- hand clothes app).
Clothes shopping has always been extremely low
down on my list of things I like to do and when I do
buy anything, I have a ridiculous habit of saving them
for ‘best’. Which, let’s face it, over the last year has
been never! I recently found a pair of jeans that I had
been ‘saving’ and now they don’t even fit me! Thanks
lockdown.
This year I am trying to avoid buying new clothes, so
Vinted has come in handy, although it hasn’t started
particularly well. The first two things I bought don’t
fit. Jeans too small (are they making things smaller
these days?) and sandals too big. It appears that I am
expanding and shrinking in all the wrong places.
The
Fashion
Tale
of black jeans, black top and black boots. This avoids
the inevitable critique from my boys who like to think
they know a bit about fashion (they don’t, at least not
over 50’s fashion, if that is even a thing).
To be fair, in my house, I get off lightly, possibly due
to the fact the kids know that I am only ever a hemline
comment away from tearful hysterics 24/7. However,
poor Gary only has to put a pair of slim jeans on and
the kids rip into him.
Previously I have waxed lyrical about elasticated
waists being a game changer. I now want to share
another line I have crossed. Gone are those awful
skimpy pants (cheese wire) and in come the rice bags
(comfy). Yes, let’s hear it for great big Bridgit Jones
style knickers! I recently caught myself tucking my
thermal top into them and thinking, when did this
become an acceptable thing to do? It was funny and
tragic at the same time. Although it has to be said
that if you are still in the early days of a relationship,
I would strongly advise against this draft proofing
technique.
During a recent family decorating day (even writing
that, I can’t actually believe it happened), I dug out my
25 year old painting jeans, trainers and t-shirt. Frankie
proceeded to take a photo of me and put it on his
social media saying my jeans were “well cool”. When I
told him they were George at Asda and older than him,
he couldn’t believe it. Funny old game isn’t it.
Sadly, it appears I am now of an age where fashion has
come full circle. The important thing to remember is
that clothes only become ‘retro’ when they are worn by
someone half your age or less!
Back to my initial question - of course I know that I
can wear what the hell I want, however, I am quite selfconscious
and usually end up in my standard uniform
However, the fact that I can still fit into jeans that are
almost antique is a small win, but I’ll take it!
© Ali Wale