PAZZAGE OCT 2021

Quick
DR ANNA V PUTHURAN
Sand
Have you ever been in a relationship
with a Narcissistic person- that
handsome rogue that swept you of
your feet and fulfilled a few hundred
romantic clichés in record time? Like a
whirlwind out of nowhere and before
you had the time to catch your breath
or even have one single rational
thought in your head, the person is
now officially your ‘everything’. It’s all
sunshine and kittens until one day you
see a side to them that you wish you
had not, a blazing red flag that you
firmly tuck away into a back drawer of
your otherwise brilliant mind, the
Empath in you, blaming yourself for
being too sensitive.
Now, you begin to see that not so
pleasant side to him from time to time- a
snide remark here, a mind-messing lie
there, thrown in with some rather
obnoxious gas-lighting, here-a- peck,
there-a-peck, everywhere a peck, peck
until your brain poor- ol’ Mac Donald- can
take it no more. Incessant cycles of
idealisation, devaluation and discard take
their toll on you and the back drawer is
now full of neatly folded red flags.
You know, somewhere in that beautiful head of
yours, this relationship is akin to a narcotic addiction,
you know it’s bad for you, but the exit options look
bleak. You are now officially bonded in your trauma,
to your abusive knight/ lady in their not-so-shining
armour. The former fun-loving soul that you were,
slowly starts to become a shadow of your previously
glorious self; it’s always as though the sky is overcast.
The cognitive dissonance is maddening; you
exchange your absolutely sane perception of reality
for their warped versions of it. ‘It’s all your fault!’ your
mind tells you and your partner holds you in their
arms and softly whispers into your ear- ‘it’s all your
fault, but I love you so much that I’ll stay. Ah, the
sacrifice!
‘Break away’, screams your mind.
‘Leave!’ yells the remnants of your sanity.
Listen to your instinct, your gut feeling. It’s an
evolutionary gift. One day you will find the strength
to leave, to walk away, and to heal. To do all the
things they told you that you couldn’t possibly do.
It’s not a cakewalk, because a Narc’s love is like
quicksand, you disappear a little by little until it
swallows you up, kind heart et al.
Reach out to some of the people they isolated you
from, seek help, you are not alone. You are light, you
are truth, my dear beloved Empath, and you are a
warrior. Your poor heart hurts because you are as real
it gets.
It will soon be time to love again, or not to love again.
Healing from a toxic relationship brings in its wake
tremendous growth, the power of the human mind
to take numerous beatings and to still emerge
revived, reborn, and reinforced is nothing short of
miraculous.