Each of us is made differently. Our genetics,our upbringing, and our experiences aredifferent and hence we all react differently tosetbacks. This is natural and if one’s geneticsand early experiences make one morepositive, one is lucky. But there are certainmental adjustments, actions, and practicesthat can help anyone bounce back fasterfrom downturns. And it is these adjustments,actions, and practices that helped mecontinue to grow in happiness even duringthose toughest of times and to reinvent mylife as a bestselling author and a muchsought-afterkeynote speaker.Surprisingly, I am the happiest personI have ever met in my life. Surprisingly,because an incurable autoimmunedisorder stole all my big dreams fromme. At 34, I was on top of the world.BTech from IIT, MBA from XLRI, afantastic career that saw mebecoming the youngest COO in theIndian telecom industry. My dreamwas to become the global CEO of aFortune 500 company by the time Iwas 45.The disorder, undiagnosed at that time,started at 34 as a slight tremor in my handsand a slight loss of balance, progressivelykept getting worse. By the age of 41, I wascompletely paralyzed and most of the finemotor muscles in my hands and feet hadwasted away and so had some of the largermuscles in my arms and legs. That was whenthe diagnosis happened, and I was put onmedication. Medication that barely workedand had huge side effects. I put on over 16kilos, my bone density started reducing and Ihad to undergo cataract surgery. In spite ofall the medication, I would trip and fall andeven mundane tasks such as buttoning upmy shirt were a nightmare. Worst, when theannual medical bills were Rs.20 lacs, I wasalso sacked from my job. You might think Iwas crushed, depressed, pessimistic. Nope.Because happiness is a state of mind.Believe that the Buck Stops with YouWhile all the doctors that I met told me thatmy current medications were the onlyoptions, I never stopped looking foralternative solutions. Finally, I found a doctorin the US who was treating patients with mycondition with an experimental procedure. Ispent time and effort understanding theprocedure and then I had to even convincemy Indian doctor that this was a good option.I believed that I have very little control overcircumstances, but I have complete controlover how I can react to these circumstances.The treatment helped me hugely. All becauseI took total ownership of my own life.Accept that Life isn’t FairMany people, confronted with setbacks, startcursing their fate. But, if you accept the factthat life isn’t fair to start with, instead ofwasting energy on “Why did this happen tome”, you will accept what has happened. Thisacceptance is essential if one has to look forsolutions instead of focusing on the problem.Add Value to OthersThe more we reach out and help others, themore self-worth we get, and the happier weget. I believe changing my own focus from‘how I can add maximum value to myself’ to‘how I can add maximum value to the world’was the single biggest factor for myhappiness. Ultimately, we all have just onelife. The choice is ours — should we focus onmaximising our pleasure or focus onmaximising happiness for ourselves byfocusing on adding value to others.
Art by Ishnoor Kaur