The-Lucky-List-Rachael-Lippincott

4
A few hours later I push open the door to my dad’s bedroom, luing a big, empty cardboard box
behind me.
Carefully, I creep across the space, a reflex from my usual secret trips in here. I close the distance to
my mom’s closet door, and my hand reaches out to wrap around the silver door handle.
I’ve been putting this room o since the house went up on the market three weeks ago. I knew it
would be the hardest one.
I’d put it o for longer if my dad hadn’t just handed me a box downstairs, motioning up the steps
and mumbling, “Closet today,” before ducking out of the room to go rummaging through the stu in
the basement.
I take a deep breath and turn the handle. Immediately the smell of her sweet lilac perfume radiates
o the dresses and shirts and skirts, warm and safe and fading from this house and this room and this
closet and my life by the second.
But for now, still here.
For a moment I stand there in the darkness and it’s like… I can feel her standing next to me. I let her
wrap around me once more, let the horribly overwhelming sadness climb out of the box I usually keep
it in. e one I only open here. It tightens its grip on my chest, reminding me why I always try to
avoid this feeling, but this move is making it harder and harder to do that.
Bingo night is making it harder and harder to do that. Maybe I need to stop trying to push it away all
the time.
Because pretty soon we will be in a new house, without a closet filled with her scent, and I will have
nowhere to crawl into to try to feel close to her when I am sad or angry or heartbroken and only want
to talk to her like I always did.
I flick on the light and gently run my fingers along the row of hangers, trying to convince myself
that they are just clothes. Bits of fabric. Nothing more and nothing less.
It’s impossible, though. To not make every single thing feel like a memory.
I start with a black cardigan. It’s just a normal black sweater, nothing fashionable really. But she
always used to wear it when we’d decorate cakes together in the kitchen, the pockets wide enough to
hold pastry bags, and icing smoothers, and glass jars filled with sprinkles.