13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do_ Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain for Happiness and Success ( PDFDrive )

Lauren about her “new age parenting” and reminded her that she allowed her
children to watch TV and eat sweets and they seemed to turn out just fine.
Lauren always responded to Jackie’s comments with a polite nod and a smile,
but on the inside, she was seething. She grew resentful toward Jackie and she
often took it out on her husband. But whenever Lauren complained to her
husband about his mother, he’d say something like “Well, you know how she is,”
or “Just ignore her comments. She means well.” Lauren found comfort in
complaining to her girlfriends who had affectionately named Jackie the
“monster-in-law.”
But one week, everything seemed to come to a head when Jackie suggested
Lauren should start exercising more because she looked like she had gained a
little weight. That comment pushed Lauren over the edge. She stormed out of the
house and spent the night at her sister’s. The next day, she still didn’t feel ready
to go home. She was afraid she’d have to hear a lecture from Jackie about how
she shouldn’t have left. It was at that point Lauren knew she had to get help or
her marriage might be in jeopardy.
Lauren initially sought counseling to learn anger management skills to help
her respond less angrily to her mother-in-law’s comments. However, after a few
therapy sessions, she was able to see that she needed to work on being more
proactive in preventing problems, not just less reactive toward Jackie’s
comments.
I asked Lauren to complete a pie chart that showed how much time and energy
she focused on various areas of her life, such as work, sleep, leisure, family, and
time with her mother-in-law. I then asked her to complete a second pie chart that
showed how many hours she physically spent doing each activity. When she was
done with the second pie chart, she was surprised to see how much her time and
energy were out of proportion. Although she only physically spent about five
hours a week with her mother-in-law, she was devoting at least an additional
five hours thinking and talking about her disdain for her. This exercise helped
her see how she was giving her mother-in-law power over many areas of her life.
When she could have devoted her energy to nurturing her relationship with her
husband or caring for her children, she was often thinking about how much she
disliked Jackie.
Once Lauren recognized how much power she was giving Jackie, she chose to