MHAP_Southampton_23_05

Advice on how
to start a difficult
conversation
if you’re
worried about
someone else.
If you’re worried about someone try to get
them to talk to you:
Often people want to talk, but wait until
someone asks how they are. Try asking open
questions, like ‘What happened about...’,
‘Tell me about...’, ‘How do you feel about...’
Don’t worry about having the answers.
Just listening to what someone has to say
and taking it seriously can be more helpful.
Repeat back what they say to show you
understand, and ask more questions.
Focus on your friend’s feelings instead of trying
to solve the problem - it can be of more help
and shows you care.
Respect what they tell you. Sometimes it’s
easy to want to try and fix a person’s problems,
or give them advice. Let them
make their own decisions.
How do I start a conversation
with someone I’m
concerned about?
You might feel that you don’t know how to help
someone, because you don’t know what to tell
them or how to solve their problems. You don’t
need to be an expert. In fact, sometimes people
who think they have the answers to a problem
are less helpful. Don’t forget that every person
is different, so that what worked for one will not
always work for another.
Find a good time and place
Think about where and when to have the
conversation before you start. Choose
somewhere where the other person feels
comfortable and has time to talk.
Ask gentle questions
and listen with care
You might feel that you don’t know how to help
someone, because you don’t know what to tell
them. But you shouldn’t tell them anything.
Telling doesn’t help.
The best way to help is to ask questions.
That way you leave the other person in control.
By asking questions, the person you are talking
with finds his or her own answers.
The more open the
question the better
Questions that help someone talk through their
problems instead of saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ are the
most useful. Questions like:
When – ‘When did you realise?’
Where – ‘Where did that happen?’
What – ‘What else happened?’
How – ‘How did that feel?’
Why – be careful with this one as it can make
someone defensive. ‘What made you choose
that’ or ‘What were you thinking about at the
time’ are more effective.
Find out how they feel
Don’t forget to ask how this person is feeling.
Sometimes people will talk you through all the
facts of what happened, why it happened and
what actions they are thinking of taking, but
never say how they actually feel.
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