OPINION Returning to yourself Finding purpose and meaning after age 60 BY JO DAVIS
y Jo Davis Who knew we’d be talking about finding purpose and meaning after age 60? Hasn’t the time for that passed? Our younger lives were filled with busy-ness – careers, caring for children and elders and community service – so much purposeful living! Wasn’t this supposed to be the time to slow down from all that? It might be… but what if it’s not? What if we are feeling a little lost or stuck? This can be a normal response to this era of not being in our well-worn roles. While it might be time to take things a bit slower, there is no reason why this time is not equally as precious for living a life of meaning and purpose – and even transformation – to something we never imagined. One thing I am finding beautiful and meaningful about this time is spaciousness. If we are fortunate and privileged, we have space and time to slowly marinate in what this era can offer. I have often referred to this time as a “Second Spring,” a time of reinvention, growth and rebirth, and also a returning. The following quote from writer Emily McDowell always strikes me as a profound way of imagining possibility. “Finding yourself ’” is not really how it works,” McDowell said. “You aren’t a $10 bill in last winter’s coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. ‘Finding yourself ’ is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering of who you were before the world got its hands on you.” OPINION So, if in fact you want to engage in some “marination,” some excavation, and returning to a self before the world got its hand on you, there are some great places to start. Most importantly, start a process to make your values concrete. Values are our inner compass. They help us determine our path according to what is important to us, help us make decisions and live our best life. We are not often asked to consider our values. They are generally held unconsciously and arrive through osmosis from our family of origin or through experiences. If we are unhappy or feeling stuck often our values are being squashed. Or simply, perhaps, we are unaware of the possibilities available to us if using our “true north.” Values are present in every part of our lives including work, relationships, leisure activities, community and learning. I suggest writing down your Top 5 values and identifying how much you are living them out on a scale of one to 10. Make sure each value statement is action-oriented (how you want to be or act) and a full sentence, not just one or two words. For example, “I value being a leader in my community (9/10).” Values can also be aspirational. You could say something like, “I want to spend time on activities that support my mental health such as being in nature (4/10).” Not living out a deeply held value (like your 4/10) might be a reason for your stuckness or purposeless feelings. Once you have established your values, spend some time with them. Journal, have conversations with