Dec 2023. Blues Vol 39 No. 12

him and was there when his
wife arrived. She and I had met
a few days prior at a Christmas
luncheon, and she ran up to me
in the ER. I didn’t realize it, but I
was covered in blood, and said
I’m so sorry but they did everything
they could. I’m sooooo
sorry. She fell to the floor, and I
sat on the floor holding her. My
life, her life, would never be the
same.
It was late afternoon before
I finally got a ride home. My
house was as empty as my
heart. My kids had all gone
back to their respective homes
in other states. I was alone with
my thoughts and sense of failure.
Here was this rookie counting on
me and he was dead. Because
I didn’t do my job of protecting
him. I was ready to give
up. It wasn’t the first time I had
thought about ending my life but
today was different. The thought
of attending another funeral,
having everyone look at me with
glaring eyes thinking ‘he’s responsible
for Randy’s death’ was
more than I could bare.
I had my gun in my hand. No
notes. No final goodbyes. Just
ready to end it. Then the doorbell
rang. At first, I sat in the dark and
hoped whoever it was would go
away. But they kept ringing and
knocking and calling my name.
I didn’t recognize the voice, but
it was obviously a female. So I
put the gun down and opened
the door. It was the Flight Nurse
from Care Flight.
“What are you doing here
Amy?”
“I knew you would need someone
to be with. I have been
where you are dozens of times
in the past year. Officers gunned
down, involved in accidents or
whatever and I couldn’t save
them no matter how hard I tried.
So, I know what you’re going
through, and I knew I had to
150 The Blues 40th Anniversary Issue