Lot's Wife Edition 2 2016

Wot’s Life
with Daria & Quinn
“In your opinion, what is the best kind of pizza?”
D: The free kind.
Q: None! Pizza is greasy and grease gives you acne. You don’t
need that negativity in your life.
“How do I make a statement?”
D: A statement is a sentence that declares something, and
doesn’t end with an exclamation or question mark. To make
one, you – oh, you meant a social statement? Well, I heard meat
dresses are getting popular.
Q: The biggest statement you can make is not making a statement.
Just try to blend in, while looking slightly better than
everybody else. Trust me, trying to stand out in a crowd just
makes you look desperate. This way, people will respect you
for your confidence and cuteness, but if you don’t have either,
it’s probably better that you don’t draw attention to yourself
anyway.
“I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and I’m getting
kind of freaked out. Why am I here? What am I
supposed to do with my time on Earth? What is my
purpose in life?”
D: Your purpose in life is the same as everybody else’s; to grow
up, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids to please your
parents before they die, and then watch your kids have kids before
you die. You’re here to continue the incredible cycle of life.
Q: Purpose? You mean, something more than striving to
achieve the cutest look you can?
“Do you have any motivational study tips?”
D: Motivate yourself with the knowledge that getting good
grades means you’ll get into college and out of your hometown.
Q: You don’t need to study! If you date a guy from your class, he
can help tutor you.
D: By ‘help tutor you’, do you really mean ‘do your assignments
for you’?
Q: Don’t be silly, Daria, that counts as tutoring.
Illustration by Angus Marian
28 | Lot’s Wife