Focus on the Family Magazine - April/May 2024

RVL Discipleship
Helping Families Thrive in Christ
APR / MAY 2024
SAYING
IT WELL
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REBECCA
ST. JAMES
talks music, ministry
and motherhood
Page 12

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20
APR / MAY 2024
table of contents
in every issue
4 LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
5 MINISTRY SPOTLIGHT
6 OFF THE SHELF
8 HACKS & FACTS
41 MEMORY VERSE
44 GRANDPARENTING
46 MY THRIVING FAMILY
kids & teens
12 REBECCA ST. JAMES
Talks music, ministry and
motherhood
by Benjamin Hawkins
16 4 ON-RAMPS TO
PRAYER
Getting your kids ready to
talk with God
by Erica Renaud
couples
26 SAYING IT WELL
Use grace-filled words
with your spouse to
strengthen your
relationship
by Sarah Molitor
29 HOW BIRTH ORDER
AFFECTS YOUR MARRIAGE
Firstborns, lastborns and
middles—which are you?
by Dr. Kevin Leman
faith &
inspiration
34 RVL DISCIPLESHIP
Continuing the journey
from That the World May
Know with Ray Vander Laan
by Andrea Gutierrez
37 SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES
How these simple
practices can deepen your
relationship with Christ
by Subby Szterszky
42 MOVIE MESSAGES:
THE IRON GIANT
Seek and find worldviews
while having fun as
a family
by Plugged In staff
ILLUSTRATIONX - DREW BARDANA, DANNY ALLISON, ECHOPIC / SARAH CARTER
18 PRAYERS GOD LOVES
TO ANSWER
Teach your teens to cultivate
a vibrant prayer life
by Robin Jones Gunn
20 SCREEN-SAVVY
PARENTING
Navigating inappropriate
media exposure with
your kids
by Adam R. Holz
24 CHRISTIAN MOVIES:
WORTH THE WATCH?
by Adam R. Holz
16
29
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 3

LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT
Jean-Paul Beran is
president of <strong>Focus</strong> on
the Family Canada.
FREE VIDEO SERIES
FOR PARENTS
In this free seven-part
video series called
Praying Scripture Over
Your Children, author
Jodie Berndt will provide
you with practical tools
to create a stronger
habit of prayer for
your children.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
PrayingScripture
AS PARENTS, we are constantly
thinking about our children’s basic needs—
this never goes away no matter how old
they are. Teaching the next generation the
importance of caring for their physical,
mental and emotional health have rightly
become widely talked about in our culture.
But what about their spiritual health?
How do we, as Christian parents, show
our children the beauty and wonder and
freedom that comes with a life surrendered
to our Saviour, Jesus Christ? As the
parents of two teenage girls, my wife, Susan, and I are always
making a conscious effort of having authentic, meaningful
conversations with our daughters while also demonstrating
our faith through our actions.
At times it can be challenging for Susan and me, and I will
admit, we could always use help with this area, too!
That’s why I’m so glad <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada exists.
As you flip through this issue of the magazine, you’ll find
articles on this very topic. From getting your young children
ready to talk to God (page 16) to teaching teenagers the
value of a vibrant prayer life (page 18) to developing healthy
spiritual disciplines yourself (page 37), we want to help you
and your family build a rich spiritual life.
We also have a free video series with author Jodie Berndt
on this very topic. Praying Scripture Over Your Children
is a free seven-part video series that shows you how you
can use the prayers found in God’s Word as a roadmap for
guiding our children—whether they’re 5 or 35 years old!
Visit <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/PrayingScripture to start
watching today.
If you need more help on this topic, or you have something
else you’re navigating right now, remember we’re just
a click, email and phone call away. I invite you to visit our
website at <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca, email us at info@fotf.ca
or call our team at 1-800-661-9800. We’re here to help your
family thrive, no matter what you may be facing.
Blessings,
Jean-Paul Beran
a rich
spiritual life
JOSH YONG
president
Jim Daly
focus canada
president
Jean-Paul Beran
chief operating
officer
Ken Windebank
media publishing
director
Kevin Shirin
contributing
editors
Vance Fry
Marianne Hering
Jennifer Lonas
Jeff Masching
cover
photography
Guillaume Lechat
editorial director
Sheila Seifert
managing editor
Andrea Gutierrez
Thank you!
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family provides this magazine and
other resources through the generosity of friends
like you. <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Donate
For a subscription, go to <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
Magazine.
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family magazine April/May 2024, Vol. 9,
No. 2, ISSN 2471-5921, © 2024 <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family. All
rights reserved. Published by <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family, a
nonprofit organization recognized for tax-deductible
giving by the federal government. <strong>Focus</strong> on the
Family is a federally registered trademark of <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family.
To notify us of an address change or to contact <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family Canada: 1-800-661-9800;
19946 80A Ave, Langley, BC, V2Y 0J8; info@fotf.ca.
Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are
from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version ® (ESV ® ).
Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry
of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All
rights reserved. The ESV text may not be quoted in
any publication made available to the public by a
Creative Commons license. The ESV may not be
translated in whole or in part into any other
language. ESV Text Edition: 2016.
IMPORTANT NOTICE! By submitting letters and
other materials, you agree 1) they become the
property of <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family and will not be
returned; 2) <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family, its assigns and
licensees, have been granted the nonexclusive right
to use and/or reproduce the materials in any manner
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Return undeliverable Canadian addresses to:
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GST# 10684 5969 RT0001
Printed in Canada
copy chief
Scott DeNicola
associate editors
Sarah Brickens
Faith Wismer
senior art director
Cary Bates
art director
Sally Dunn
designer
Julie Vieux
editorial assistant
Kat Bittner
print production
Gail Wise
circulation
Erika Lynch
focus canada
contributors
Laurisha Blackstock
Amanda Regan
Subby Szterszky
Amy Van Veen
4
APR / MAY 2024

MINISTRY SPOTLIGHT
Highlighting one of the many ministries
of <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA’S FIRST
RESOURCE CENTRE AT FIRST ALLIANCE
CHURCH IN CALGARY, ALBERTA
FIRST ALLIANCE CHURCH CALGARY
“We have always cared deeply about the cause of the local
church because they truly are on the frontlines of supporting
individuals and families in their communities and
spreading the Gospel to those who need it most. That’s
why one of our goals in the coming years is to connect
with new churches and strengthen existing partnerships.
First Alliance Church has been a valued partner of <strong>Focus</strong>
on the Family Canada for many years, and we are so
excited for them to be the first church in the country to
have a <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada resource centre.”
—Jean-Paul Beran, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada president
SINCE 1983, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada has
followed its mission to strengthen Canadian families
through education and support based on Christian
principles. One of the major ways we’ve done this is
through church partnerships.
The local church plays an irreplaceable role in our
communities. Not only are they sharing the Gospel in
their communities, but they are also providing valuable
resources and programs to families at every stage of life.
And we want to help!
Thanks to the generosity of one of our donors, First
Alliance Church in Calgary, Alberta, will have the first
ever <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada resource centre!
This space will be stocked with free resources such
as our life challenges booklets on depression, anxiety
and other mental health concerns, free magazines
for families and kids, and more. It will also provide an
opportunity for Bible studies and small-group gatherings
to take place in a restorative atmosphere.
We are so thankful for First Alliance Church as they
pave the way for this unique venture!
Learn more at
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/FACCalgary
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 5

OFF THE SHELF
Join the
Adventures Join the in
Odyssey Adventures Club. in
AdventuresInOdyssey.
Club.
AdventuresInOdyssey.
com/Your-Greatcom/Your-Great-
Adventure
Adventure
ADVENTURES IN ODYSSEY
FAVORITE EPISODES
“The Pact”
Episode No. 511
“Someone to Watch Over Me”
Episode No. 44
“The Rydell Realizations”
Episode No. 976 from the new album
Keep it Together
ONLY IN THE ADVENTURES
IN ODYSSEY CLUB
“The Lost One”
Exclusive Club episode
“Precious Lord”
Exclusive Club episode
audio books and dramas
WHAT'S IN YOUR DIGITAL QUEUE or on
your bookshelf? If your family hasn’t heard about
Adventures in Odyssey, then we’d love to introduce
you. These half-hour audio dramas are for
families, and this series will release its 1,000th episode
this year! A few of the many writers behind
this Christian-based series describe the favorite
episodes they wrote:
“Oftentimes, the most satisfying compositions for
me are also the most emotionally heart-wrenching.
That’s one reason I enjoyed writing ‘Precious Lord,’
the story of Thomas Dorsey. He literally invented
gospel music. Dorsey’s message of hope and faith
is a beacon for those in hard times. It was an honor
to write his story.”
—Dave Arnold, audio drama executive producer
“ ‘The Pact’ is the episode that I wrote that I’ve gotten
the most feedback from over the years. I was
there when my mother-in-law heard it for the
first time and broke into tears at the conclusion.
Something about that story really touched her.”
—Nathan Hoobler, audio drama line producer
“ ‘The Lost One’ is about Olivia, a Christian girl who
struggles with her faith. It’s a story about how she
finds her way back. It is personal for me, as I have
had family members go through the same thing,
and I feel like this show could potentially help
people in similar situations.”
—Marshal Younger, audio drama showrunner
“I have many favorites, of course, but in ‘Someone
to Watch Over Me,’ Jimmy Barclay is being chased
by a nefarious entity. When Jimmy wants to get out
of the Imagination Station, he can’t, because he’s
actually not in the Imagination Station. The script
was a blast to write and direct, and the performances
were all stellar.”
—Phil Lollar, screenwriter
ADOBE STOCK - PROSTOCK-STUDIO
6
APR / MAY 2024

kids &
teens
“I’VE BELIEVED MY
WHOLE LIFE THAT
BEING A WIFE AND
A MOM IS THE
HIGHEST CALLING.”
—REBECCA ST. JAMES, PAGE 12
ADOBE STOCK - SVITLANA
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 7

KIDS & TEENS / HACKS & FACTS
AGES 0 TO 3
LITTLE
WAYS TO
SOOTHE
When my 18-month-old
son’s schedule is interrupted,
I’ve found that giving him a
bath and letting him play in
the water has a great calming
effect. Other times,
soothing comes in the form
of simply sitting on the floor
together and looking at his
favorite board books. An
extra snack also helps to
ease the stress of a crazy
schedule. Reaching for
his favorite cereal keeps
his hands busy and results
in a contented baby.
And if all else fails, a little
fresh air does the trick. My
toddler is usually much
more content outdoors as
I push him in the stroller or
watch him as he plays in
the grass.
—Kimmy Lanning
ABCs of
brushing
toddler proofing
on the go
When my kids were toddlers,
I’d sing the ABC song
to them slowly while I
brushed their teeth. They
enjoyed hearing me sing,
especially when I’d make
my voice sound silly. It
made brushing their teeth
fun, but it also helped with
my young children learning
timing cues from a familiar
song—when to switch
sides and how much time
they should spend brushing
each time.
—Melissa Johnson
chomper bites
I’ve found that my toddlers
and young children will eat
almost any food if it’s in bitesize
pieces and skewered
on a toothpick. We’ve found
safe, animal-shaped toothpicks
for this very purpose.
—Brooke Schwanke
During a road trip to visit my in-laws,
my husband and I came up with a safety
plan for our 2-year-old that our hosts
were gracious to allow. We knew he’d
want to touch everything at his grandparents’
house. So, immediately upon
arrival, we moved all breakables out
of our toddler’s reach. Next, we put a
reminder sign on the steep basement
steps that read, “Keep Door Closed.”
Then we installed a portable baby gate
at the upper staircase. Showing my
in-laws that we respect their home and
take responsibility for our child made
the visit less stressful and much safer.
—Jennifer Henn
ILLUSTRATIONX - AMBER DAY / ADOBE STOCK - MUNCHKINMOO
8
APR / MAY 2024

HACKS & FACTS / KIDS & TEENS
trucks ’n’ beans
I gave flat containers of dried
beans* to my preschool and
kindergarten-age children.
The beans are less messy
than sand, so it was a good
indoor activity for my kids to
practice scooping and pouring
with small bowls, kitchen
tools and toy trucks. My son
surprised me with his creativity
when he poured
some beans onto our hard
floor and used them to draw
a picture of a sun.
—Victoria L. Stankus
*Supervision required. Dried beans are a
potential choking hazard.
a morning psalm
Every morning my husband leads our family in worship by reciting a psalm.
We stick with praying the same psalm until we have it memorized. Then we’ll
sing together before we eat breakfast and begin our day. One morning, my
5-year-old woke after her dad had left for work. She was disappointed that
she had missed morning prayer time with Daddy.
empathy check
—Christina Nunes
When my daughter was around 5, she saw someone fall down, and her
first instinct was to laugh. It was never her intention to make anyone feel
bad, but I realized I had to teach her when laughter might not be OK. We
focused on empathy and pointed out times when laughing might make
another person feel bad. So, to prepare her for those moments that often
spur laughter, I asked her to consider two questions: “Is the other person
laughing?” and “How would the other person feel if you started laughing?”
These questions helped her in social situations to stop and think about
whether her laughter might be at or with someone.
—Autumn Shaffer
AGES 4 TO 7
ILLUSTRATIONX - AMBER DAY / ADOBE STOCK - LIGHTFIELD STUDIOS
PRACTICING
QUIET TIME
I taught my preschooler how
to have quiet time and what
activities were good choices
for resting. Equipped with
soothing music and a basket
of books and stuffed animals,
I gathered her to my side on
the couch.
We’d page through a colorful
book, and if she talked
or wiggled, I’d whisper,
“Quiet time.” Each day we sat
down to practice. We started
with a five-minute timeframe
and gradually increased the
time to 30 to 45 minutes.
Once she learned what quiet
time meant, rest time in her
room became a lot more
successful.
—Jessica Van Roekel
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 9

KIDS & TEENS / HACKS & FACTS
AGES 8 TO 12
favorite
worship songs
My kids, ages 8 and 10, love when
their father and I sing one or two
of our favorite worship songs
from when we were their age.
Afterward, we ask the kids what
their favorite songs are, and we
sing them together as a family.
—Laura Schwier
INVITING OLIVIA
In sixth grade, my bookworm daughter struggled to find even one
friend in the crowded classrooms of middle school. It didn’t help that
the thought of approaching a gaggle of 12-year-old girls gave her anxiety.
The loneliness broke her heart.
One day, I offered to open our house for her to invite a few girls
from school. She was scared of the idea and at first had no clue who
to invite. She invited a girl named Olivia, who said yes. Her family had
just gone through something difficult, and God had used my daughter’s
friendship to help comfort Olivia during this challenge and in her
own loneliness.
sleepover solutions
—Amy Traurig
I let two of my daughters each have a friend sleep over on the same
night. At one point the four girls began shouting at one another, and I
feared a feud would start. To reunite the group, I had them play a fun
guessing game with my supervision. Soon everyone was laughing hysterically.
We played until nearly midnight, and the two guests wanted to
come back for another sleepover. Mission accomplished.
—Margaret Lea
difficult questions,
clear answers
My husband and I have a straightforward
approach to difficult
questions: Answer them honestly
with as much detail as we think
the child can handle.
My preteen recently asked
me what it meant to be “genderfluid.”
He could’ve easily turned
to friends or a teacher or the
internet, but he came to his
parents because we’ve made
a habit of answering questions
together. And so we dug into
this one, too, turning to trusted
resources and explaining the
appropriate facts so that he
could understand this troubling
development in our culture.
As time-consuming as this
process can sometimes be,
we’re finding that giving clear,
complete answers is helping us
build a stronger relationship with
our children.
—Kathryn Liber
ILLUSTRATIONX - AMBER DAY / ADOBE STOCK - DEAGREEZ
10
APR / MAY 2024

HACKS & FACTS / KIDS & TEENS
‘What do you think?’
I involved the older siblings in answering the little ones’ questions
so we could talk about each question as a family. I’d ask the older
kids, “What do you think?” to encourage them to participate. This
helped my children understand that I’m not the only one who can
answer their questions. It also helped me get to know what my
older kids were thinking.
—Wendi Miller
“74% of people plan to spring
clean at least once a year. . . .
When choosing cleaning products,
people view effectiveness
as the most important quality.”
source: American Cleaning Institute Survey, 2023
rejoining the family
When our twins were 11 and our
oldest was 14, we struggled to get
them to join in family activities. But
then my husband and I became foster
parents. The first placements
assigned to us were siblings ages
15 months and 5 days old. Suddenly,
our older children came out of their
bedrooms to play and help take
care of their newest playmates. They
rediscovered the simple joy in their
old toys and books, and enjoyed
being a child again.
Not every family is called to foster
care, but when we seek the lively
company of neighbors and friends
who have younger kids, even offering
to babysit at times, we can inspire
teens to rejoin us in the family room.
—Kim Shouse
AGES 8 TO 12
MAKING IT
THEIR OWN
Spring-cleaning becomes
fun when the kids start to
take ownership. I first ask
them what priorities they
have for their rooms. Then
we sort through belongings
and talk about how giving
or throwing away extra stuff
makes room for their space
to be all they envision it
to be. Once we’ve got the
ball rolling, I step away and
let them put the finishing
touches on their rooms.
—Laura Costea
ADOBE STOCK - IRYNA DINCER
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 11

KIDS & TEENS / AUTHENTICITY
REBECCA
ST. JAMES
Talks music, ministry
and motherhood
BY BENJAMIN HAWKINS
Rebecca in the studio with
her brothers Joel and Luke
from For KING & COUNTRY
CREDIT TK
12
APR / MAY 2024

AUTHENTICITY / KIDS & TEENS
Mother’s Day
Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms who are caring for and
meeting the needs of their children. May you continue to grow
with God as you raise your children to love and serve Him.
CREDIT TK
GUILLAUME LECHAT
REBECCA FINK FOUGHT
OFF TEARS as she readied herself
to go onstage with her brothers, Joel
and Luke Smallbone of For KING &
COUNTRY, during an Alaskan cruise in
the summer of 2017.
Better known to her fans as
Rebecca St. James, she spent nearly
two decades in the Christian music
industry beginning in the early 1990s.
Sometime around 2010, she unofficially
retired from music.
Then her brothers had asked if she
would join them to sing a couple of
songs at one of their concerts. She
couldn’t refuse, especially since it
included an Alaskan vacation with her
whole family.
So, despite her anxiety, she took the
stage with her brothers and experienced
what she calls “one of the most
transforming moments” in her life.
Feeling led by the Spirit, she spoke
to the audience about the hurt she
was feeling in the wake of two miscarriages.
As she sang, she learned once
again to rest in God’s love and found
freedom and fresh strength in motherhood
and music.
The launch of a decadeslong
music ministry
Music has always been a part of
Rebecca’s life. Since her father, David
Smallbone, worked as a concert promoter
in Australia, she attended
concerts throughout her childhood—
but church was where she witnessed
the spiritual impact. She remembers
vividly, when she was only 7 or 8 years
old, seeing her mother, Helen, in tears
during a worship service. Rebecca
asked if something was wrong, but
her mother assured her everything
was well.
“These were tears of joy,” Rebecca
recalls, “because she was worshiping
Jesus, because of how much He loved
her and how much she loved Him.”
In 1991, when she was 14, Rebecca’s
father accepted a new job in Nashville,
Tennessee. So Rebecca and her five
siblings, along with her father and
then-pregnant mother, left their home
in Australia to begin a new life in the
United States.
But not long after their arrival,
Rebecca’s father lost his job.
With no money and no one to turn
to, the family learned to rest in God’s
love as they never had before. Though
Rebecca and her siblings did odd jobs
to help financially, the family especially
leaned on God for provision.
They gathered daily in a bare living
room to pray that God would meet
their needs, and as time passed, they
saw God answer their prayers. Gifts of
money or groceries appeared unexpectedly,
and one family even let them
borrow their car as long as needed.
Then God’s plan for Rebecca’s
music ministry began to unfold. Even
before her family moved to the United
States, Rebecca had caught the eye
of Christian musician Carman, who
asked her to join his Australian tour
in 1990. The following year, Rebecca
released an independent album.
Then, in 1994, she released her first
major album, Rebecca St. James, with
ForeFront Records—launching her
decades-long music ministry.
She desired to take the Gospel’s
message of hope across the globe,
and toured not only Australia and
the United States, but also international
locations including Europe,
New Zealand, India, Ecuador, Rwanda
and Kenya. As her busy teenage years
passed, Rebecca hoped she would one
day have a husband and family—a
hope expressed in her hit song “Wait
for Me,” released in 2000.
“That was my dream”
“I’ve believed my whole life,” Rebecca
says, “that being a wife and a mom is
the highest calling. All the time I was
doing music, that was my dream.”
But Rebecca would have to wait
nearly a decade after the release of
“Wait for Me” before her dream would
come true. In the meantime, she
expanded beyond the music industry
to write books and to act both onstage
and in film.
She also moved to Los Angeles,
where she joined a philosophy discussion
group. There, she met Jacob
Fink, a fellow musician who previously
spent two years as a missionary
in South Africa.
On Christmas Eve, 2010, as snow
fell over her family’s farm in Franklin,
Tennessee, Jacob proposed to Rebecca.
Four months later on April 23, 2011,
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 13

KIDS & TEENS / AUTHENTICITY
If Mother’s Day is difficult
for you, please know you are
not alone. We are here for you
with prayer or a free one-time
consultation with our registered
Christian counselors. Please
call us at 1-800-661-9800 or
visit <strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
Counselling to learn more.
they were married. Then, three years
after, Rebecca gave birth to their first
daughter, Gemma.
Darkness before the dawn
After two decades in an intense music
ministry, Rebecca wanted to focus on
her family. So, as she and Jacob began
life together, she retired from music.
Despite the daily joys of family life,
Rebecca began to struggle with her
sense of purpose, especially during her
first years of motherhood. “I had been
so productive [in previous years, as a
musician],” she says. “I was often working
on a book and an album and a tour
at the same time.” But, as a new mother,
Rebecca spent much of her time simply
caring for the needs of her family, and
she didn’t feel the affirmation she had
experienced as a musician.
Then, as time passed, Rebecca and
Jacob struggled to have another child,
and Rebecca experienced the grief of
two miscarriages.
“You are faithful, and
You bring the dawn”
Amid this frustration and grief,
Rebecca’s brothers invited her to join
them onstage in Alaska, and God began
to heal her hurt.
“While I was in worship,” she recalls,
“I had this encounter with the Holy Spirit.
It reframed my journey with music.
He set me free from pain that had to
do with both my music and also the
miscarriages.
“I remember feeling, Jesus, I miss the
connection that I have with You when
I sing. I was crying at one point—we generally
didn’t do that onstage—and the
audience was sniffling and crying, too.”
Rebecca says she was finally walking
out of the painful “winter” she’d
endured, and the darkness in her life
was passing away as a new dawn rose.
Immediately after the performance, she
turned to her brother Joel and said, “I
think God is calling me back to music.”
A few months later, Rebecca
collaborated with her brothers in producing
a rendition of “Amazing Grace”
and joined them on their Christmas
tour. The following year, she signed
with the Heritage Music Group and
in 2020 released her first EP album
since coming out of retirement. In
the album’s title track, “Dawn,” she
declares God’s unwavering love and
faithfulness even amid grief and pain:
Even in the darkness, / Even when it’s
hardest, / You are faithful, and You
bring the dawn. / On every mountain, /
I’ll sing it even louder, / You are faithful,
and You bring the dawn.
In 2022, Rebecca released her 10th
full album, Kingdom Come.
“Rest in that love”
Less than a year after performing in
Alaska with For KING & COUNTRY,
Rebecca and Jacob welcomed their
second daughter, Imogen, into the
world. Then in 2020, she gave birth
CREDIT TK
14
APR / MAY 2024

Rebecca and Jacob with
their children, Gemma,
Imogen and River
CREDIT GUILLAUME TK
LECHAT
to their son, River.
Now, Rebecca enjoys homeschooling
her three children and reminds them
daily of God’s love for them. Before
putting them to bed, she takes time to
speak truth over them.
“Our middle child, Imogen, especially
loves this. I say, ‘Do you know that I
love you?’
“She says, ‘Yes.’
‘Do you know that I love you even
when you do bad things?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you know that I love you when
you do good things?’
‘Yes.’
‘Who else loves you like that?’
‘God does.’
“Then I say, ‘Rest in that love.’ ”
Blessed by obedience
As she has for decades, Rebecca continues
to write music and tour the
globe—only this time with her family.
In May of 2023, Jacob and the three
kids joined Rebecca on tour in the
Netherlands, Denmark and England.
“Some of the greatest moments,” she
says, “are looking out and seeing my
family in the audience, watching me or
dancing or singing along.”
Amid the busyness of motherhood,
music and hosting a podcast, Rebecca
has learned to rest in God’s love and
trust His call on her life.
“What we hope, as Christian parents,
is that our kids see us being obedient
to what God is calling us to do in various
seasons. And—if I’m obedient to
Him in what He’s called me to do—that
obedience will also be a blessing to my
children. They will benefit from seeing
their mom in ministry, being used
by God.”
Benjamin Hawkins is a freelance writer and the
editor of The Pathway, the news journal of
the Missouri Baptist Convention.
Mom and
daughter
devotional
Enjoy precious time
with your daughter as
you explore God’s Word
together! This interactive
40-week devotional
provides a sweet space for
moms and daughters ages
6 to 10 to reflect together
on women of the Bible
who loved the Lord.
Scan to order online at
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
or call 1.800.661.9800

KIDS & TEENS / FAITH
4 onramps
to prayer
Getting your kids ready
to talk with God
BY ERICA RENAUD
ILLUSTRATIONS BY DREW BARDANA
IT WAS A GENTLE PLEA.
“Come on, boys. Let’s pray before bed.”
Nothing. No response.
I tried again. “OK, now. We’re going
to put those things away so we can
pray together.”
I couldn’t blame my kids. I was
inviting them into something far less
interesting, in their minds, than Calvin
and Hobbes or an epic battle between
Cyclops and Hippopotamus Man.
My gentle plea turned into a command.
“Boys, pause what you’re doing.
Close the book and set the figures down.”
The book closed, and the toy figurines
were laid on their sides.
Now my boys were ready to pray.
Right?
Not quite.
Outwardly they looked ready, but
inwardly they were someplace else. I can
only think that my oldest was wondering
what Calvin would do on the next page,
and my youngest was sneaking peeks
at his Cyclops and probably thinking
something like, This isn’t a win, Hippo
Man. Just you wait! It became clear that
the path from play to prayer was more
involved than just putting down their
books and toys.
Every parent well versed in the getready-for-bed
struggle knows that a
successful bedtime works only if children
are outwardly and inwardly ready to
sleep. They may have their teeth brushed
and pj’s on, but that doesn’t mean they
will immediately lie down and fall asleep.
In the same way, even when our children
pause and close their eyes, it doesn’t
mean they’re ready to pray.
Starting the journey
Throughout the Bible, we see people
making long physical journeys to
meet with God. Moses climbed Mount
Sinai, Hannah traveled to the temple
and the paralytic was carried who
knows how far to meet Jesus for healing.
We may not need to make a long
physical journey, but as I learned with
my boys, there is still a journey to be
made if we hope our children will
authentically engage God in prayer.
So how do we bring our children
from wherever they are mentally
and physically to a place where
they are ready to talk with God? We
build what I like to call an on-ramp.
Here are four ideas for building an
on-ramp for your children to prepare
them for prayer.
16
APR / MAY 2024

FAITH / KIDS & TEENS
SET THE STAGE: Just lighting
the candles on a birthday cake cues
everyone that it’s time to sing “Happy
Birthday.” Likewise, changing up
the room before praying can have a
similar effect. It communicates, We’re
about to do something different and
special. Try playing some background
worship music, turning off the lights
in favor of a night light or candle (even
a battery-powered one does the job)
or rearranging pillows and blankets to
create a space to gather.
ATTRIBUTE VALUE TO PRAYER:
Take a moment to remind your children
why prayer is so important and why
God loves it when we pray. You might
say, “Prayer is a special way we can
connect with God. Did you know that
Jesus was always going places where
He could be alone, because He loved
talking to His Father? And God loves
when we talk with Him, too.”
ASSUME YOUR POSITIONS:
We can pray in any position, but why
not be intentional about what that
position is? Encourage your children
to get their bodies ready for prayer. For
instance, they could kneel, snuggle up
next to you or sit with their palms up.
Their stuffed animals and figures might
even want to pick a prayer position, too.
MAKE A PLAN: What are you going
to pray about and what will your prayer
time look like? Talking through this will
help your children mentally prepare
and feel as though they are actively
engaging in prayer. For example, you
might ask, “Is everyone tired and
stressed out? If that’s the case, maybe
we just need to sit with God and enjoy
the peace He gives us.” Or, “Is Grandma
still sick? Perhaps we should take turns
praying for her.” Or, “Do we want to
thank God for our good day? Great! Do
we each want to pray out loud?”
When building an on-ramp to prayer
becomes a regular practice, you’ll discover
the same thing we did: After we help our
children on their journeys to meet with God,
we can step aside and, like the paralytic’s
friends, trust Him to take it from there.
Erica Renaud is an author, public speaker and radio
host. She loves leading prayer at her local church
and at home with her children. Her most recent
book is Pray With Me: Help your children engage
in authentic and powerful prayer.
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 17

KIDS & TEENS / DISCIPLESHIP
prayers God
loves to answer
Teach your teens to cultivate
a vibrant prayer life
BY ROBIN JONES GUNN
ONE WAY TO HELP your teens cultivate a close connection
with God is through prayer. And you can teach them
how to do this. If you’re unsure where to begin, why not focus
on four prayers God loves to answer? My husband and I taught
our children these prayers when they were teens.
“Give me wisdom”
In a world of conflicting messages, the input teens receive can
be overwhelming and confusing. Since they don’t yet have life
experience to draw from, it’s easy to make poor decisions that
can lead to painful consequences.
In the Bible, we read that God was pleased when King
Solomon asked for wisdom. He could have asked for riches
and power. So God made him the wisest man on earth—and
blessed him with wealth and honor as well (1 Kings 3: 5-13).
Encourage your teen to always ask God for wisdom before
making decisions, whether big or small.
The apostle James tells us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let
him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach,
and it will be given him” (James 1:5). Short, simple, true. This
prayer can change the course of your teen’s life. And it’s a
prayer God loves to answer.
BEFORE YOUR TWEEN DAUGHTER
BECOMES A WOMAN
by Robin Jones Gunn
Don’t drift apart. Grow closer to your
daughter during her adolescence.
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
18
APR / MAY 2024

DISCIPLESHIP / KIDS & TEENS
“Forgive me and make
my heart right with You”
One of the most valuable life lessons teens can learn is that
God wants to forgive our sins and restore our relationship
with Him. That can happen by confessing our sins to Him and
asking for forgiveness. But like Adam and Eve, we often hide
from God and try to cover our sin. Still, He pursues us and
calls us to confess it so He can mend our relationship and give
us a clean heart (Psalm 51:10).
The next time your teens do something wrong, instead of
immediately drilling down on discipline, lead them out of hiding
and teach them the truth of 1 John 1:9: “If we confess our
sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse
us from all unrighteousness.” God will always answer when
we sincerely confess our sins and ask Him to make our hearts
right with Him.
“Fulfill Your purpose for me”
How can you build your teens’ trust and confidence in God’s
love? Teach them this prayer. We may not always understand
why God allows things to happen, but He promises to
accomplish His purposes for us (Romans 8:28) and delights
in doing that.
I remember the day our daughter tearfully announced she
didn’t make the volleyball team. Through prayer, she had been
convinced that God wanted her to be on the team. Psalm 138:8
became an important foundation for her life that day: “The
Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.”
After that disappointment, we began praying together that
God would work out His plans for her. And He did, of course.
In an unexpected twist, she was invited to join a theater group
at our church, and the remainder of her high school years
were filled with new friends, lots of acting and all the sweetness
and sadness that go with a team effort. In time, she saw
God’s redirection as a not-so-random act of His lovingkindness
toward her.
“Show me the right path for my life”
Finally, make sure to teach your teen a beautiful six-word
prayer from Psalm 16:11 (NKJV): “Show me the path of life.”
I first prayed this prayer when I was 12. A woman I admired
told me it was her favorite prayer, and she knew God always
answered it—even if it wasn’t the answer we are looking for.
When we ask God to show us the right path for our lives,
He promises to give us “fullness of joy” in His presence. So
encourage your teens to pause and ask God to reveal His “path
of life” when they encounter crossroads. He’s the only one
who knows the best path because He alone knows all.
Teaching your teens the four prayers God loves to answer
will strengthen their relationship with Christ and deepen their
communication with Him. These prayers are a firm foundation
they can lean on during the painful ups and downs of
their teen years—and for the rest of their lives.
ADOBE STOCK - NICHOLAS FELIX-PEOPLEIMAGES.COM
Robin Jones Gunn is the bestselling and award-winning author of more
than 100 books. In addition to Robin’s fiction for teen girls and women,
her nonfiction includes Before You Meet Your Future Husband, written
with Tricia Goyer, and Before Your Tween Daughter Becomes a Woman.
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 19

KIDS & TEENS / COMMUNICATION
screen-savvy
parenting
Navigating inappropriate
media exposure with your kids
BY ADAM R. HOLZ
ILLUSTRATIONS BY DANNY ALLISON
WHEN MY SON was 6 or 7, he
spent the afternoon at a friend’s house.
When he got home, he was raving
about the Call of Duty video game they
played with his friend’s dad.
If you know anything about video
games, you understand why alarm bells
went off in my head. I was tempted
to exclaim, “You played what?” After
all, this series is rated M (for “mature”
audiences) because of the brutally realistic
combat and harsh profanity.
But my son had already played the
game, and I couldn’t undo that fact.
What I could do was ask him about it,
listen to his responses and try to help
him understand why we wouldn’t be
playing Call of Duty in our house.
Rather than advocating perfection,
I’d like to lay before you this goal
as a fellow parent: consistent, intentional
engagement with our kids about
the influence screens have on their
lives. As we set limits, ask questions
and thoughtfully discuss choices, we’ll
model discernment through an ongoing
conversation about entertainment,
technology and media.
Boundaries breached
When my son was 14, someone sent
him an unsolicited and inappropriate
picture via social media. My two
daughters found it first since they
were using our laptop for a school
assignment.
“Um, Dad, you better come look at
this,” one of them said.
Both have a penchant for drama and
getting their older brother in trouble.
But I wasn’t prepared for the image I
saw—or the feeling that my children’s
innocence had been sullied.
My wife and I spent the next three
hours talking with all three of our
kids about what we’d seen. It was an
unwanted, unasked-for image, to be
sure—but there it was. In that moment,
the important thing was to talk about it.
“Why would anyone send a picture
like that?” one of them asked.
It was a good question. Despite my
anger and frustration, that image was
an excellent opportunity to discuss
some hard-but-important issues that
many families today must deal with at
some point.
LISTEN NOW!
Join the Plugged In team’s Adam Holz
and Paul Asay as they discuss how
discernment is the key to navigating
popular media as a family.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
As parents, we may be tempted
to create a hermetically sealed environment
we can control, monitoring
everything that comes in and out of our
children’s lives. But that doesn’t always
work. Instead, let’s keep the end goal in
mind: gradually granting our kids more
freedom to make their own decisions as
they move through adolescence, while
we model discernment, communication
and wisdom.
20
APR / MAY 2024

COMMUNICATION / KIDS & TEENS
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 21

New
f r o m
f o c u s
Wisely guide your kids through the
ever-changing landscape of social
media, music, video games and
movies with help from the media
experts at Plugged In. You’ll learn
about the impacts of digital media
and discover helpful strategies to
limit your kids’ screen time.
Scan to order online at
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca
or call 1.800.661.9800
Remote . . . but controlled
When our children spread their wings
and leave home as young adults, we
want them to think critically and biblically
about their entertainment choices
and technology use. Achieving that
goal requires a strategy that shields
them from destructive content and
gradually moves them into dialoguing
about worldview and content as they
grow into their middle teen years.
As a result, they’ll learn what it looks
like to exercise control and discernment
in their media, entertainment
and technology choices. Leaving the
nest will be the next step in their development
instead of just an opportunity
to go crazy trying all the stuff Mom
and Dad wouldn’t let them do. By that
point, they will already have practiced
making entertainment and technology
choices on their own—under our supervision
and with our active engagement.
Growing in discernment
In the Bible, we often read about
how our faith compels and propels
us to live differently from the world.
Exercising biblical media discernment,
then, involves comparing our
entertainment choices with what
Scripture says is true, honorable, just,
pure, lovely, commendable, excellent
and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8).
When we engage with entertainment
and technology through this grid, it
changes our perspectives on what we
watch and how we watch it, how we
interact with online content and what
entertainment choices we’re willing
to make.
This kind of media discernment is
something we should practice as parents,
even as we model and teach it to
our children. And that requires one
more important step.
Moving beyond
the “neutral zone”
It’s tempting to indulge the notion
that we can dabble in entertainment
without it shaping or influencing
us. Sure, we might avoid the really
bad stuff, but by minimizing the
potentially problematic influence of
entertainment, we likely won't realize
how much we’ve compromised our
standards.
This is neutral-zone thinking.
History is filled with plenty of neutral
zones where two opposing powers
agree not to go—a safe space of sorts
between them, like the demilitarized
zone between North and South Korea.
You might be thinking, What does
this have to do with technology and

entertainment? As Christians and parents, we can
passively drift into neutral-zone thinking about
technology and entertainment.
We know the “big” things we want our kids to
avoid, such as pornography, graphic violence and
sexual entertainment. We recognize these things are
at war with the convictions we hold as Christ followers.
But when it comes to the “little” things that
might be communicating subtle messages at odds
with our Christian faith, we can subconsciously treat
them as neutral.
The apostle Paul challenged neutral-zone thinking
when he said, “Be very careful, then, how you live—
not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every
opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do
not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is”
(Ephesians 5:15-17, NIV).
Paul understood that our culture influences how we
live, so he warns us to pay attention. In other words,
don’t just mindlessly consume media. Instead, be
aware of the influences that are at odds with your biblical
worldview. We can be shaped by the world or
transformed by truth as we walk with God. I know
which one I want for my kids.
Adapted from Becoming a Screen-Savvy Family by the Plugged
In staff. This excerpt was written by Adam R. Holz, who is the
director of Plugged In. This is a <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family resource
published by Tyndale House Publishers Inc.
ENTERTAINMENT
CONVERSATIONS
If you want to help your children grow in media
discernment, one way to do that is to intentionally
ask questions about the entertainment you
choose. Here are some questions to help your
kids begin to internalize critical thinking and biblical
discernment in entertainment. I’m going to
use movies as an example, but you could substitute
other genres of entertainment (music, TV,
social media posts, video games, etc.) for each.
What does this movie say is good? What does it
say is bad?
How do the ideas in this movie compare to our
Christian faith? Where are they similar, and where
are they different?
How did this story make you feel?
Was there anything in the story that made you
feel uncomfortable? Why do you think that was?
What character did you most relate to in this story,
and why?
Do you think this movie would be good for your
friends to see? Why or why not?
What did this movie say about limits and consequences?
When characters broke rules or laws,
what happened?
Imagine you had a chance to watch this movie
with Jesus. What do you think He’d say about it?
—AH
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 23

KIDS & TEENS / MEDIA
UPCOMING REVIEWS
For reviews of these and other titles,
visit PluggedIn.com, <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family’s
media review and discernment website.
CHRISTIAN MOVIES:
WORTH THE WATCH?
BY ADAM R. HOLZ
Jesus Revolution
RECENTLY, I was channel surfing. (Yes, we still have cable.
Yes, we channel surf like it’s 1999.) And much to my surprise,
I stumbled upon Dallas Jenkins’ massively successful series
about Jesus, “The Chosen” . . . on The CW Television Network.
My wife and I watched that episode, and I marveled that such
a well-crafted show—about Jesus!—was smack in the middle
of a broadcast network’s programming.
Not long ago, that would have been, well, totally unthinkable.
Christian movies from yesteryear might have delivered
feel-good messages about faith. But many did so with
production values that were lacking to the point of being
cringeworthy. That might sound harsh. But more than a few
of those films featured what we might charitably describe
as, ahem, “bless your heart” moments.
I’m glad to say that with each passing year, the storytelling,
nuance, production values and mainstream reception for
Christian movies and shows has continued to advance.
In addition to “The Chosen,” directors such as Jon and
Andrew Erwin (Jesus Revolution, American Underdog,
I Still Believe, I Can Only Imagine), and Alex and Stephen
Kendrick (Overcomer, Courageous, Fireproof, War Room)
have been at the forefront of this genre’s evolution.
Meanwhile, other faith-oriented films have dealt with
subjects ranging from abortion (Unplanned) to the
Columbine shooting (I’m Not Ashamed), from a Roman
whodunit (Risen) to apologetics (The Case for Christ).
Christian movies have come a long way from 1972’s
end-times “classic” A Thief in the Night. And if you haven’t
seen one recently, you might be pleasantly surprised.
IF
What will a young girl do with her ability
to see other people’s imaginary friends?
SCHEDULED RELEASE: MAY 17
THE GARFIELD
MOVIE
Is the comic
strip of a lazy,
lasagna-loving
cat a purrfect fit
for the big
screen?
SCHEDULED RELEASE:
MAY 24
GODZILLA X
KONG: THE
NEW EMPIRE
Can two monstrous
creatures
team up to battle
a colossal
new threat?
SCHEDULED RELEASE:
MARCH 29
Adam R. Holz is the director of Plugged In. He and his wife, Jennifer, have
three children.
24
APR / MAY 2024

couples
CREDIT STOCKSY TK - MILENA MILANI
“WORDS CAN TEAR
OUR SPOUSES
DOWN, OR THEY
CAN COMMUNICATE
LOVE, KINDNESS AND
FORGIVENESS.”
—SARAH MOLITOR, PAGE 26
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 25

COUPLES / COMMUNICATION
saying it well
Use grace-filled words with
your spouse to strengthen
your relationship
BY SARAH MOLITOR
ILLUSTRATIONS BY HAO HAO
CREDIT TK
26
APR / MAY 2024

COMMUNICATION / COUPLES
CREDIT TK
WHEN I SAID THE WORDS, they
felt fake—probably because they were.
Forced might be more accurate. But
I said them anyway, through gritted
teeth and a tight smile: “Thank you
so much, honey, for grabbing the
groceries. It’s no big deal you forgot
a few.”
Except it felt like a big deal.
Fortunately, by this point in my marriage,
I knew that my feelings could be
faulty. That truth has saved me countless
times from saying things I felt in
the moment but I knew were untrue.
In this particular instance, six sets
of little eyes and ears were intently
attuned to how I’d respond to my husband,
Tim, who had mistakenly (and
innocently) forgotten items I needed
to cook dinner.
My frustration could have led to an
argument, with my feelings spewing
out through my words. But my children’s
presence was a subtle reminder
to bite my tongue.
Arguments with my husband feel
earth-shattering at the time, but in
a couple of weeks, I barely remember
why we started arguing in the first
place. What do I remember? The way
I reacted and the words I said. Those
always seem to linger a bit longer.
I also know that my children easily
misconstrue what is said during marital
disagreements. It’s like a giant game
of telephone that doesn’t end well.
Do you feel that you could use
a little more grace-filled speech in
your marriage and a whole lot less
speech peppered with unkind or hurtful
words? Here are some lessons I’m
learning along the way about guarding
my tongue and choosing words that
will build up my spouse.
More than a bummer
Words are my sweet spot, and I’m
especially good with them. But sometimes
I’m too good with them. I know
how to use them to get my way with my
spouse and make myself feel better, at
least temporarily.
Too often, accusations like “You
don’t care!” and “You’re so selfish”
have escaped my lips. Neither of those
sentiments has ever been true about
Tim. Far from it. Yet somehow I still
use them as weapons.
What I really want to say is, “I love
you deeply, and though I disagree with
you in this moment, I hear your heart,
and I want to walk in peace with you.”
I’ve learned the hard way that letting
my words get the better of me isn’t just
a bummer; it’s sin that takes root deep
in my heart. The side effects of sin can
be word vomit, whether intentionally
or out of habit.
The first step in uprooting sin is asking
forgiveness and being honest about
it with ourselves and God. Asking Him
to help us speak in ways that please
Him and encourage others is a prayer
He loves to answer.
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 27

COUPLES / COMMUNICATION
The alternative
I’ve learned that the alternative to hurling
reckless words at my spouse is to
speak grace-filled words. I continually
ask the Lord to help me speak words
that honor Him and those around me—
especially my husband and children.
Maybe you have a desire to speak
affirming words to your spouse but fear
they won’t be well received. During
heated moments, they probably won’t
be, but that doesn’t mean they don’t
need to be said. I’ve found that the
best time to speak grace-filled words
is when I’m receptive to what Tim has
to say. In those moments, we’re both
positioned to communicate forgiveness
and understanding.
Proverbs 18:21 has become a life
verse for me: “Death and life are in the
power of the tongue, and those who
love it will eat its fruits.” I’ve seen the
fruit of grace-filled words in my marriage,
as well as their impact in my
children’s lives. That motivates me to
keep cultivating that kind of fruit.
Words to build by
Using grace-filled words with our
spouses takes practice. For example, if
you aren’t sure what to say, or you think
you might say something hurtful, you
could offer a rehearsed response instead,
such as “I’m frustrated right now, but I
don’t want to say something I will regret.
Could we take a break and revisit this
once I feel calmer?” or “I can tell we’re
both ramping up, and this conversation
isn’t moving in a great direction. How
about we stop now, pray and start over
in a bit?”
Sometimes I repeat these responses
in my head or in front of a mirror to
see how my face looks and keep my
tone and body language in check.
Most importantly—and without the
mirror—I try to line up what I want to
say against the truth of God's Word.
Words can tear our spouses down,
or they can communicate love, kindness
and forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31-32
calls us to “let all bitterness and wrath
and anger and clamor and slander
be put away from you, along with all
malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, as God
in Christ forgave you.” As His dearly
loved people, God calls us to reflect the
image of His Son in the words we speak
to those we love.
It’s amazing how the simple act
of using grace-filled words with our
spouses can transform not just us but
our relationships as well. When grace is
in the game, both you and your spouse
get to play offense instead of defense!
Sarah Molitor is a wife, a mom to seven kids
and the author of the book Well Said. She
has a passion for serving others and enjoys
authentically engaging with her growing
social media community.
CREDIT TK
28
APR / MAY 2024

GETTING ALONG / COUPLES
how birth order
affects your marriage
Firstborns, lastborns and
middles—which are you?
BY DR. KEVIN LEMAN
PHOTOS BY SARAH CARTER
ILLUSTRATIONS BY ECHOPIC
IT WAS A WHOPPING marital
mistake. I told Sande, my lovely bride of more
than 50 years, that a TV crew was coming to
our home in a week to tape an interview with
me. I ought to have known better.
As soon as I told her someone was coming
to our house, I can only surmise she went into
overdrive, thinking, What am I going to serve
them? Mmm . . . maybe pulled pork sandwiches
and a fruit salad . . . yeah, that might work. . . .
Then she caught sight of a miniscule dirt
smudge on the windows. Oh, no, they’re
a mess!
But why do I say it was a “marital mistake”?
Because over the course of that week she told
me several times: “Sweep the front deck and
back porch. Wash the windows, and get rid of
those spider webs. And don’t forget—pick up
the dog flops in the yard.” At least she didn’t
ask for new carpet.
So why did I tell her so far in advance?
Because I’ve learned the hard way that my
wife doesn’t like surprises. Telling her about
an event at our home “the morning of” could
result in even more pain. To Sande, a kitchen
is only truly clean when all surface areas are
wiped off and the toaster is put away. My
thinking: Why put away a toaster when you’re
going to use it within the next 24 hours?
LISTEN NOW!
Join Dr. Kevin Leman
as he explains how birth order
affects your relationship
with your spouse.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Radio
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 29

COUPLES / GETTING ALONG
So why do Sande and I see things so differently? Part of
the reason is our birth order—our place in our family of
origin. I’m the youngest child in my family, and Sande is
the oldest in hers. Because of our birth order, we had different
experiences growing up, and those experiences
have shaped our behavior, our personalities and even
our relationship with each other. Understanding this has
everything to do with our marriage thriving for more than
five decades. With just a little knowledge about birth order,
you, too, can build the kind of marriage that makes others
say, “Wow, I want one of those!”
Why you are the way you are
Nothing in life is cookie-cutter, and birth order isn’t, either.
But understanding the basics provides clues about why
you think, feel and respond the way you do. You learned to
be the person you are based on the way your parents and
siblings interacted with you. The little girl or boy you once
were, you still are.
Here are a few insights about firstborns, middleborns
and lastborns:
Middleborns mediate
If you are a middleborn, you took one look at the star
above you and decided, No way can I compete with that.
So you went in the opposite direction. Stuck in the middle,
you learned how to negotiate peace between warring
siblings. Since you were least likely to be noticed missing,
is it any surprise you focused on friends and are very loyal?
Middleborns are great diplomats. They avoid conflict.
They’re independent and secretive. They don’t often share
feelings and are surprised when others pay attention to them.
Firstborns rule
If you are a firstborn, you were the family guinea
pig for parenting techniques. You were the first
child to eat dead ladybugs, take your first steps,
plunge into puberty and drive a car. With the
spotlight of parental expectations on you, is it any
wonder you’re a perfectionist?
Firstborns are often well-organized list makers
and leaders with lots of practice. (They were held
responsible for their siblings.) They take life
seriously, feeling the pressure to be better and
do better. They crave details and are often
critical of themselves and others. Take
firstborn qualities and supercharge
them, and you’ve got the only child.
Lastborns charm
If you’re a lastborn, you grew up as the apple of your
parents’ eye. You manipulated siblings into doing your work,
but they also used you to get what they wanted from your
parents. Who could say no to you? You are the entertainer.
Your life catchphrase is, “Don’t worry. Be happy.”
Lastborns are people-oriented and can sell anything.
They’re affectionate, engaging and act impulsively.
They love to be the center of attention,
and “Surprise” is their middle name.
30
APR / MAY 2024

GETTING ALONG / COUPLES
Birth-order matchups
So, how does birth order play out in
your marriage, and how can you use it to
strengthen your relationship? To answer
that question, let’s take a look at the unique
dynamics of each birth-order matchup:
Firstborn +
Firstborn
It’s inevitable that two firstborns—
perfectionists with a need for control—
will bump heads. To reduce tension
and increase harmony, define your
roles. Who will take out the garbage?
Schedule car repair? Balance the
checking account? Having a clear
division of labor will help. Marriage is
a partnership, not a “Doing it my way”
song. Prune “you should” out of your
vocabulary. Offer a simple thank you
instead of “improving” on what your
mate says and does. When a criticism
pops into your mind, consider the
consequences before you speak. And
be sure to celebrate little and big
successes . . . together.
Firstborn +
Lastborn
Firstborns provide structure, goals
and organization that is often lacking
in lastborns, and lastborns heighten
the much-needed fun quotient for
overly serious firstborns. If you’re
the firstborn, let flaws go or gently
suggest how to correct them. Don’t set
expectations too high. Would the world
really end if a speck of lint resided on
your mate’s clothing?
If you’re the lastborn, give your mate
attention and affirmation, even if he or
she appears confident and in control.
Make sure you run everything by your
“detailed” husband or wife before scheduling
it. <strong>Focus</strong> on serving each other,
and always laugh together.
Middleborn +
Lastborn
Middleborns like relationships
to be smooth; lastborns like fun.
Both birth orders specialize in
friendships. To build a thriving
marriage, middleborns need to
blend their social interests with
activities the lastborn thinks are fun.
Lastborns must back off from always
being in the spotlight and allow
the middleborn to shine. Because
middleborns take the path of least
resistance, lastborns need to say,
“I’d love your opinion on this.”
Above all, work on making sure
the other person feels pampered
and special.
Firstborn +
Middleborn
Middleborns tend to avoid conflict,
yet they’re good compromisers.
Since firstborns are strong in opinion,
discussing events and feelings is
critical in your marriage. Typical
middle children will say, “Everything
is fine,” but need to be encouraged to
share their real feelings. Firstborns
can say, “Tell me how you really
feel. I want to hear more,” and ask,
“What do you think?” The perceptive
middleborn has so much to offer,
including wonderful problemsolving
skills.
Middleborn +
Middleborn
Neither of you is big on confrontation,
and you’ve been reared to discount
your opinions. That means you must
work hard to make your spouse feel
special, build up self-worth and show
mutual respect. Brainstorm fun ways
to keep your hearts close. Jot notes
about important happenings when
you’re away from each other, and use
them as discussion starters for your
meals together. Provide plenty of space
for outside friendships, but don’t forget
the most important relationship—the
two of you.
Lastborn +
Lastborn
Like otters in a stream, youngest
children like to play, but life requires
some structure, detail and attention
to the mundane, such as paying
bills. Decide who specifically will do
what, and then find ways to build in
mutual accountability—lists, alarms
set on cellphones, whatever. Leave it
to babies to come up with fun ideas for
approaching the requirements of life.
Discover the impact of family
of origin on marriage, faith and
parenting in this free PDF booklet.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
FamilyOfOriginPDF
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 31

A biblically based program
to restore and rebuild
your marriage
Call us today to find out more.
1.833.999.HOPE (4673)
HopeRestoredCanada.ca
And two become one
A thriving marriage isn’t instant.
It requires two people working
together in an environment
of love, support and mutual
respect. Loving your mate means
understanding how he or she
views life, keeping in mind that
birth order will influence that
viewpoint. Regardless of how birth
order plays out in your marriage,
both of you can choose to change
how you respond to and interact
with each other.
Back to my wife and the TV crew.
What would I, the freewheeling
lastborn, have done differently in
relating to my cautious, firstborn
wife? I’d tell her just two or three
days beforehand—not a full week
before the appointment. It would
save me a lot of housekeeping grief
but still give her time to happily
plan the menu and feel comfortable
with the details. However, if
capturing my bride’s heart comes
with a boatload of housecleaning,
I wouldn’t change a thing in how
I handled the situation. This lastborn
would do whatever was
necessary to connect with that
firstborn—in a heartbeat!
Dr. Kevin Leman is the New York Times
bestselling author of The Birth Order
Book. This article was first published in
the February/March 2015 issue of Thriving
Family magazine and was titled “When
Birth Orders Collide” by Dr. Kevin Leman.
© 2015 Kevin Leman.
THE BIRTH ORDER BOOK
by Dr. Kevin Leman
The order in which we are born has
a powerful influence on how we
interact with others. It can even
affect your marriage! Learn more.
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca

faith &
inspiration
“TO ABIDE IN JESUS MEANS WE
SPEND TIME WITH HIM, GETTING
TO KNOW HIM BETTER AND BETTER,
GROWING IN OUR TRUST AND LOVE
FOR HIM, AND ALLOWING HIM TO
CHANGE US TO BE LIKE HIM.”
—SUBBY SZTERSZKY, PAGE 37
CREDIT ADOBE STOCK TK - YURIYGOLUB
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 33

FAITH & INSPIRATION / DISCIPLESHIP
RVL DISCIPLESHIP
Continuing the journey from That the
World May Know with Ray Vander Laan
BY ANDREA GUTIERREZ
SCRIPTURE IS NOT ONLY GOD’S inerrant Word, but it’s also rich with Middle Eastern history. Ray Vander Laan,
a historian and high school Bible teacher, has spent his life teaching others about God’s Word, grounded in the context of when
it was written—through a lens of ancient Israel’s culture and landscape.
Film crew and tour participants gathered after Ray’s teaching on the early church.
The group broke into impromptu singing of worship songs.
Filming in Israel at the Mount of Olives, September 1998,
overlooking the Garden of Gethsemane. (L to R): Executive
Producer Bob Garner, Host Ray Vander Laan and Director
of Photography Steve Flanigan
34
APR / MAY 2024

DISCIPLESHIP / FAITH & INSPIRATION
Filming at dusk during
the Israel and Turkey
excursion for That the
World May Know
Ray Vander Laan in the
studio filming his latest
series, RVL Discipleship
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY / FOTF - SALLY DUNN
Ray has led an estimated 10,000
people on tours throughout Israel,
Egypt and Turkey. He also hosted
18 videos in a series highlighting
his teachings during these
tours. Ray challenges us to live
authentically and become even
more dedicated disciples of Jesus
through his latest releases, RVL
Discipleship: The Study and RVL
Discipleship: The Curriculum.
On location at an ancient Roman amphitheater in Caesarea, Israel
CONTINUE THE
JOURNEY WITH RAY!
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/RVL
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 35

PRESENTS
Change the way you read
the Bible and be part of
God’s redemptive mission
Walk in the footsteps of Rabbi Jesus with acclaimed teacher Ray Vander Laan
in season one of the new streaming series RVL Discipleship: The Study. On this
life‐changing journey, you’ll explore the culture and mindsets of biblical times
to be astonished anew by Jesus’ words – just as His original audience was.
Buy season one at
Shop.<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/RVL

SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES / FAITH & INSPIRATION
spiritual disciplines
How these simple practices can deepen your
relationship with Christ
BY SUBBY SZTERSZKY
FOR MANY OF US moderns, the idea of discipline has decidedly mixed
connotations. We live in a culture of quick fixes and life hacks, large returns with
minimal effort. Discipline seems like too much work. Surely there must be a shortcut
to our goals. More than that, discipline sounds a bit scary, conjuring images of
punishment or consequences due to failure.
However, the truth is we all take part in discipline of one sort or other. Elite athletes
engage in grueling training regimens, artists and musicians spend long hours
each day practicing their craft. Students spend evenings and weekends hitting the
books. People seeking to improve their health commit to exercise, better diet and
consistent sleep schedules.
All these forms of discipline require commitment and sacrifice, but we’re willing
to make the effort because we want to achieve the goal we’ve set ourselves. The discipline
may be difficult, but as we look past it to our desired outcome, it becomes
something we’re willing and even happy to endure.
As followers of Jesus, we want more than anything to know our Lord better, to
love Him more deeply and to become more like Him. God has not only put this
desire in our hearts, but He’s also given us the means to pursue it, through what we
call the spiritual disciplines.
ISTOCK - MIKHAIL SELEZNEV
Scripture
The first, most basic discipline for followers of Jesus is engagement with His Word.
Throughout its pages, Scripture contains countless directives recommending itself
to the reader. We’re told to treasure it, cling to it, hide it in our heart, taste its sweetness
and value it beyond gold. To be able to do these things, we need to read it
regularly, studying and memorizing and meditating on its truths.
The primary reason isn’t to gather information about ourselves or about our
world, but to encounter God and experience Him more fully. God has chosen to
reveal himself through His written Word, and ultimately through His incarnate
Word, His Son Jesus Christ. To be sure, Scripture has much to say about our world
and our human condition, but it does so only with reference to God, in order to
display His power, character and glory.
More specifically, the Scriptures point to Christ, God’s ultimate revelation of
himself. This isn’t just true of the Gospels but of every book of the Bible. On several
occasions, Jesus told His original followers that all of Scripture—Law, Prophets and
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 37

FAITH & INSPIRATION / SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES
As followers of
Jesus, we want
more than anything
to know our Lord
better, to love Him
more deeply and
to become more
like Him.
Psalms—was about Him. He claimed
that Moses and David had written
about Him, centuries before He was
born. When Jesus prayed for His disciples,
He asked God to sanctify them
through the truth of His Word (John
17:17).
This, then, is the ultimate purpose
for reading God’s Word—that we may
encounter Jesus more intimately, grow
in our faith and love for Him, and be
transformed to be more like Him. In
this light, engaging with Scripture
ceases to be a chore and becomes a
delightful—though sometimes challenging—journey
of discovery. If that’s
not our current experience, we’re
invited to cry out to God with the
psalmist, “Open my eyes, that I may
behold wondrous things out of your
law” (Psalm 119:18).
Prayer
Prayer is the second basic principle of
spiritual discipline, hand in hand with
reading God’s Word. Both are enjoined
on countless occasions in Scripture,
and they are the primary, complementary
means through which we
encounter God. One of the most fruitful
ways we can pray is in response to
Scripture we have read. When God’s
Spirit opens our eyes to some new or
wondrous truth in His Word, we can
respond by talking to God about it.
When we pray, we’re not telling God
anything He doesn’t know. As Jesus
said, our heavenly Father knows what
we need before we ask Him. And we’re
certainly not trying to persuade God
or to change His mind, as if He’s reluctant
or has made a mistake. According
to Jesus, God is our good Father who
delights in giving us good things. He’s
also sovereign and infinite in wisdom,
knowing what’s best for us and determining
the end from the beginning.
Why then do we pray? We pray
because God has graciously chosen to
work through our prayers. Like a kind
Father, He patiently uses our imperfect
efforts to accomplish His perfect will.
It’s a mystery we can’t truly grasp, but
also an astounding privilege. In light
of this truth, Jesus urged His followers
to pray and never give up, assuring us
that anything we ask in His name and
according to His will, He will do.
Beyond having our requests
answered and participating in God’s
work, prayer offers an even more profound
wonder. For those who are in
Christ, prayer is a gateway into the
presence of God, an opportunity to
spend time with Him, sharing our joys
and sorrows with Him, and getting
to know Him better. As with reading
the Word, prayer allows us to encounter
God more intimately and to be
reshaped into His image. It’s no wonder
Paul could write, “Rejoice always,
pray without ceasing, give thanks in
all circumstances; for this is the will of
God in Christ Jesus for you”
(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
Solitude
Solitude is something of an alien
CREDIT ISTOCK TK
- MIKHAIL SELEZNEV
38
APR / MAY 2024

SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES / FAITH & INSPIRATION
CREDIT TK
concept in our contemporary Western
societies. We feel we’re too busy to
spend time alone in quiet contemplation.
Yet we manage to find the time
to scroll through our social media
feeds or binge the latest series on
Netflix. There’s nothing innately wrong
with those activities, but we’ve grown
accustomed to over-stimulation and
short attention spans, and we dread
spending any time alone with our
thoughts.
As followers of Jesus, we want to
emulate the example of our Lord.
Despite a hectic itinerant ministry in
which thousands flocked to hear Him
teach or to be healed by Him, Jesus
would go off by himself, up a mountain
or into the wilderness, to spend
time praying and communing with His
Father. Sometimes He would invite a
few of His closest friends to come away
with Him for rest and reflection.
It’s a practice men and women of
faith have followed through the centuries,
and still do. Solitude is an
opportunity to step away from our
cares and concerns to rest and be
refreshed, a healthy part of a life balanced
as God designed us to live it.
More than that, it’s a chance to be
alone with God in prayer, to meditate
on His Word, and to fill our hearts and
minds with His beauty and His truth.
Community
We live in a culture that claims to value
community, but without the inconvenience,
messiness and long-term
commitments that entails. Just as we
feel too busy for solitude, we feel too
independent for genuine community
life with all its warts and challenges,
preferring to filter our relationships
through the screens and apps on our
electronic devices.
However, just as God wired us to
require times of solitude, He also
designed us for community, for
relationship with Him and with one
another. At our most fundamental level,
we need to belong, to love and to be
loved. It could hardly be otherwise—
we’re created in the image of the triune
God, whose three persons have shared
a perfectly loving, intimate relationship
for all eternity.
It only follows that Christ would
build His church, His ekklesia, with
women and men He has called out
from every background to form His
new redeemed community of faith. It’s
the context in which diverse believers
grow together in becoming like their
Lord. As His brothers and sisters, we’re
to form a family whose members share
their lives, their burdens and successes,
encouraging one another in their faith
and showing each other grace in their
failings. Following the example of Jesus,
this community is to be a safe and
sacred space that receives all comers
with kindness and respect.
Abiding in Christ
Hours before His betrayal and arrest,
Jesus offered His disciples an evocative
metaphor to illustrate His relationship
with them: He was the vine, they
were the branches (John 15:1-17). He
was the source of their life and their
vitality, and they could only bear fruit
through their connection with Him. In
fact, Jesus was rather blunt in telling
them that apart from Him, they could
do nothing.
Just as the branches need to stay
connected to the vine, Jesus stressed
over and over that His followers need
to abide in Him, to remain in Him, to
find their home and haven and joy in
Him. This is a vital connection that
flows in both directions—as we abide
in Him, He also abides in us. The ultimate
purpose, according to Jesus, is
that we bear much fruit, thus proving
to be His disciples, to the glory of His
Father.
How then are we to abide in Jesus,
and what kind of fruit are we to bear?
Jesus gives us the key: We abide in Him
by His Word abiding in us, shaping
and changing us and revealing more of
Him to us (John 15:7). And the fruit we
bear is the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self-control—
demonstrating that we’re being
remade in His image as living branches
of the true vine (Galatians 5:22-23).
We can’t accomplish any of this by
trying harder and doing more. Only
God can grow His fruit in us. As His
daughters and sons, we simply hold
His hand, knowing that our loving
Father is holding us and will fulfill all
His good purposes in us.
At the same time, we’re not passive
in the process. To abide in Jesus means
we spend time with Him, getting to
know Him better and better, growing
in our trust and love for Him, and
allowing Him to change us to be like
Him. We do this by meeting Him in the
places He has appointed—Scripture,
prayer, solitude, community—what we
call the spiritual disciplines. In more
poetic terms, we place ourselves in the
paths of grace.
Like all discipline, these require
effort, but through them our sense of
wonder and worship can only grow,
along with the clusters of spiritual fruit
we’ll bear to the glory of God. Jesus
promised that as we abide in Him, His
joy will be in us, and our joy will be
full. The journey will give us an everexpanding
foretaste of the life we’ll
share with our Lord for all eternity. As
followers of Jesus, we scarcely need
more incentive than that.
Subby Szterszky is the managing editor of
<strong>Focus</strong> on Faith and Culture, an e-newsletter
produced by <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada.
© 2023 <strong>Focus</strong> on the Family (Canada)
Association. All rights reserved.
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 39

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THROUGH
SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINES
FREE VIDEO SERIES
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with this free five-part video 40series from Merrie Eizenga,
<strong>Focus</strong> on the Family Canada’s Kerith Retreats co-director.
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ILLUSTRATIONX - DÉBORA ISLAS
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 41

FAITH & INSPIRATION / MEDIA
movie messages:
The Iron Giant
Seek and find worldviews
while having fun as a family
BY PLUGGED IN STAFF
ILLUSTRATIONS BY DANNY SCHLITZ
THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY
bombards us with obvious and subtle messages. But
we often don’t recognize them as worldviews or
notice how they skew our thinking. To help you and
your family identify varying worldviews in the culture,
play this game of Movie Messages while watching the
animated film The Iron Giant.
ALTRUISM prioritizes
the happiness or safety
of others above our own.
CHRISTIANITY
tells us that our
lives and salvation
are dependent
on God and
our belief
in and
allegiance
to His Son,
Jesus.
FREE WILL is a doctrine
that tells us that our
choices, not our biology
or our backgrounds,
determine who we
ultimately become.
IMMORTALITY OF THE
SOUL is a concept that
insists the soul is separate
from the body, and when
the body dies, the soul
lives on. (A number of
belief systems, including
Christianity, hold this view.)
Directions
1. Give every player a set of 10 worldview cards
(at right). Additional sets can be found at
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/Magazine.
2. Watch The Iron Giant until you reach an incident
on the game board. Then pause the movie.
3. Each player chooses a card that matches the
worldview identified in the movie and places it
facedown. Then players turn over their cards to
reveal their answers.
4. The correct cards are removed from play. The
cards deemed incorrect are returned to each
player, and the movie continues.
5. This game doesn’t cover every worldview in this
movie. Players who have guessed wrong can
catch up by calling out the correct worldview if
it comes up again in the movie. (This can only
be done with worldview cards that have been
removed from play.)
6. The first player to get rid of his or her eight cards
is the winner.
COMMUNISM is a
political system in which
individual goals take a
back seat to the state
(no private property or
personal freedom), and
economic goods are
distributed by the state.
ETHICAL EGOISM
tells us that we should
always act in our own
self-interest.
HUMANISM tells us
that being human is the
highest form of existence,
and therefore it’s up to
humans to decide what
is true and moral.
JINGOISM is
extreme patriotism
that aggressively
promotes warlike
measures.
42
Be sure to first check out Plugged In’s
review of The Iron Giant to make
sure it’s right for your family.
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.com/IronGiant
Note: For young children who aren’t ready to play this
game, you can introduce them to worldview training
with a casual mention such as, “That’s Christianity.
That’s what we believe. God loves us and sent His Son
to die for our sins.”
APR / MAY 2024
EVOLUTION is based
on the theory of natural
selection—that, over time,
all life forms evolved from
simple to unique and
complex creatures.
TAOISM teaches
that we should live in
balance with nature and
the universe; opposite
forces are needed to
create and perpetuate
that balance.

8:22
A “RED MENACE”
COMIC IN
HOGARTH’S ROOM
27:56
HOGARTH
SAYS
GRACE.
37:59
DEAN’S YIN AND
YANG BATHROBE
45:27
KENT MANSLEY
SPECULATES ON
WHO BUILT THE
ROBOT.
53:13
HOGARTH TALKS
TO THE GIANT
ABOUT THE SOUL.
39:33
THE GIANT TELLS
HOGARTH THAT
HE’S WHO HE
CHOOSES TO BE.
Additional worldview cards
in the Parents Guide to Movie
Messages can be found at
<strong>Focus</strong>OnTheFamily.ca/
Magazine.
1:15:46
KENT MANSLEY
TRIES TO RUN
AWAY.
1:16:00
THE GIANT DECIDES
TO FLY TOWARD
THE MISSILE.
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 43

FAITH & INSPIRATION / HACKS & FACTS
GRANDPARENTING
boxed celebrations
Once or twice a month, I sent a package
to my kids’ families with the supplies to
celebrate a few unusual holidays. A package
might contain a box of pancake mix
to celebrate National Pancake Day, a
comic book for National Comic Book Day
and a kids’ devotional book for National
Bible Week. I included sticky notes on the
items so they’d know which day to use
them. I’d call the kids on that day to talk
about how the celebrations had gone.
The families loved this, and it helped us
feel connected.
—Nancy Wells as told to Diane Stark
insta-Grams
When grandchildren invite me into their
social media world, I go, even if I have
to master new technology. One of our
granddaughters snapped a picture of
lunch recently. “Grams,” she said, “you
should download this app and play along.
It shows what we are doing right now.
It’s fun.”
I downloaded the app so she and I
could connect, and I’ve been posting pictures
of Gramps and me eating dinner or
watching TV. The comments back and
forth are great fun and a peek into the
lives of our grandchildren.
—Kathy Nickerson
GRAND CAMP
Our 8-year-old granddaughter, Emmy, loves camping—that’s
how we connect best. It’s the perfect
sensory setting to engage all facets of her autism.
Whether it’s rocks, tree bark, wildflowers or pinecones,
Emmy notices and appreciates every detail of God’s
creation. We sleep outdoors in tents and float in the
lake all day. At night, we gaze at the stars, tell stories
and roast marshmallows.
During the rest of the year, Emmy asks, “When are
we going camping with Grandma and Grandpa again?”
—Jill Osborne
A majority of people say
their grandparents have been
either very (39%) or somewhat
(33%) influential in their lives.
source: YouGov.com
ILLUSTRATIONX - AMBER DAY / ADOBE STOCK - MNSTUDIO
44
APR / MAY 2024

HACKS & FACTS / FAITH & INSPIRATION
GRANDPARENTING
25 %
of grandparents say
the best part about
growing old is being
with grandchildren.
TIME SEWN TOGETHER
I’ve stayed connected with our granddaughters by
sharing my hobbies with them. For me, this includes
teaching them to sew. When one of my granddaughters
recently had a birthday, I gifted her a sewing
adventure with me. This involved discussing an outfit
that she would like to make, shopping for a pattern and
fabric, and then sewing it together. Time shared over
hobbies has given us both precious memories, and it
has given me the opportunity to pass on skills from
one generation to another.
—Joyce Armstrong as told to Sarah Roth
sharing skills
source: Common Sense Media
One way we’ve stayed close with our six grandchildren
across the miles is by sharing our skills.
For example, our 15-year-old grandson is a tech
genius—and I most definitely am not. Recently,
he helped me design my website. He, in turn, has
called me to help him brainstorm ideas for English
papers. He calls my husband, who’s a math
teacher, for help with tricky geometry problems.
—Teresa Olive
ADOBE STOCK - TAN4IKK
a meal and movie across the miles
It was easy to connect with my grandkids Sophia, Elijah and Micah when they lived three houses away. But
when their dad’s job move separated us by 1,300 miles, we had to discover new ways to stay in touch.
I wanted more than just talking on the phone; I wanted to keep doing fun activities together. One night, we
enjoyed pizza and movie night just like old times by ordering the same kind of pizza in two different states and
starting the same movie on our DVD players at the exact same moment. We used FaceTime so we could see
each other as we laughed together at the singing animals and munched on pepperoni pizza.
Another night, Sophia asked if I could put her to bed like I used to. So I sang our favorite bedtime songs on
speakerphone until she fell asleep.
—Karen Bouchard
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA 45

MY THRIVING FAMILY
bubbles
While our daughter learns to blow bubbles, our son has
fun with a bubble machine. —Stacey from Wisconsin
Elsie, 1, and Ezekiel (at right), 2
Bubble fun with our granddaughter!
—Natalie from Pennsylvania
Blair, 3
Our daughter’s joy inside this BIG bubble is a
delight! —Stephanie from Tennessee
Madison, 11
SEND US
YOUR PHOTOS!
Email photos* of picnic fun
with your children or their
favorite flowers. Put “Picnics” or
“Flowers” in the subject line. Tell
us your name, child's name and
age, and state/province.
info@fotf.ca
* Largest photo possible. Professional photos are not accepted.
ADOBE STOCK - OLESYA FROLOVA, ELENA GARDER
46
APR / MAY 2024

Anything in this .25inch zone is not guaranteed safe from being trimmed off.
SAFETY VIOLATION ZONE copy in this zone not safe per trim variance (.25 inch).
Ad Title
AD FPO
Full Page
ANSWER YOUR
ADOPTED CHILD’S
UNSPOKEN QUESTIONS
TRIM: 7.75 x 10.5 inch
Children who have been adopted from foster care can
struggle with heavy emotions and troubling questions.
They often wonder, Why did I have to be adopted?
Do my adopted parents actually love me? How do
I explain my story to my friends? Bring comfort
to your child with these upbeat messages from
Carey Koenig, from her adopted children, and from
47
other adopted kids, too, all reassuring your child that
they were adopted for a special reason and that no
matter what happens, they are never alone.
FOR AGES
7-12
EN
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yet, when you consider purchasing an item,
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