Focus on the Family Magazine - April/May 2024

COUPLES / GETTING ALONG
So why do Sande and I see things so differently? Part of
the reason is our birth order—our place in our family of
origin. I’m the youngest child in my family, and Sande is
the oldest in hers. Because of our birth order, we had different
experiences growing up, and those experiences
have shaped our behavior, our personalities and even
our relationship with each other. Understanding this has
everything to do with our marriage thriving for more than
five decades. With just a little knowledge about birth order,
you, too, can build the kind of marriage that makes others
say, “Wow, I want one of those!”
Why you are the way you are
Nothing in life is cookie-cutter, and birth order isn’t, either.
But understanding the basics provides clues about why
you think, feel and respond the way you do. You learned to
be the person you are based on the way your parents and
siblings interacted with you. The little girl or boy you once
were, you still are.
Here are a few insights about firstborns, middleborns
and lastborns:
Middleborns mediate
If you are a middleborn, you took one look at the star
above you and decided, No way can I compete with that.
So you went in the opposite direction. Stuck in the middle,
you learned how to negotiate peace between warring
siblings. Since you were least likely to be noticed missing,
is it any surprise you focused on friends and are very loyal?
Middleborns are great diplomats. They avoid conflict.
They’re independent and secretive. They don’t often share
feelings and are surprised when others pay attention to them.
Firstborns rule
If you are a firstborn, you were the family guinea
pig for parenting techniques. You were the first
child to eat dead ladybugs, take your first steps,
plunge into puberty and drive a car. With the
spotlight of parental expectations on you, is it any
wonder you’re a perfectionist?
Firstborns are often well-organized list makers
and leaders with lots of practice. (They were held
responsible for their siblings.) They take life
seriously, feeling the pressure to be better and
do better. They crave details and are often
critical of themselves and others. Take
firstborn qualities and supercharge
them, and you’ve got the only child.
Lastborns charm
If you’re a lastborn, you grew up as the apple of your
parents’ eye. You manipulated siblings into doing your work,
but they also used you to get what they wanted from your
parents. Who could say no to you? You are the entertainer.
Your life catchphrase is, “Don’t worry. Be happy.”
Lastborns are people-oriented and can sell anything.
They’re affectionate, engaging and act impulsively.
They love to be the center of attention,
and “Surprise” is their middle name.
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APR / MAY 2024