September 2012 - Costa Calida Chronicle

In association with Costa Cálida International Radio and www.angloINFO.com
Self- centeredness
is often
described as
“selfi shness”, but
this is not always
the case. To be
self-centred, is
to have the confi
dence and assertiveness
to
express your
thoughts and behaviour
in ways
that defi ne your
personality and
who you really are. Self-centredness has its
dark side too, especially when the “me, me,
me” syndrome goes into over-drive and noone
or nothing else matters. This is when selfishness
comes into play with sometimes devastating
results. Hard though it may be, we
sometimes have to take a step back and get
a reality check especially if it is affecting our
happiness, family and friends.
I DON’T WANT TO LET MY DAUGHTER GO
My daughter is returning to the UK soon
to begin a University Degree. I am very
proud of her achievements, but I am
already feeling anxious as, when she
goes, I will be constantly worried about
whether she’s safe and if she’ll be able
to cope without me to look after her. I
have always been fi ercely protective of
my daughter, which stems from her being
very ill as a baby. I know I am being
irrational, and that I need to give her the
chance to take care of herself, but I can’t
help panicking whenever she’s away.
How do I let her go? – Barbara
Barbara, the panic and worry you are experiencing
is nothing more than “separation
anxiety”, which is common in mother/child
relationships. In your case, however, I think
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there are two additional factors adding to
your anxieties. Firstly, all parents worry about
their children and this is natural, but parents
of once sick children often carry with them the
feeling that bad things may happen again if
you let your guard down. You’ll have to work
hard to tackle these intrusive thoughts because
once she leaves home, she will not be
immune to real life and its dramas, but she
will be glad to know that you will always be
there for her.
Secondly, the other worrying factor is a possible
“empty-nest” issue. The watershed of
children going to university, getting married
or even travelling alone, is a symbol that we
become redundant as parents in its wake and
are surplus to requirements. It can be a blow
to our ego to recognise and accept that we
are either not as wanted or as necessary as
we believed. Think of it as part of the nurturing
process for your daughter and also, yourself.
As a mother, you need to feel loved and
wanted, just like a child would and you are
never too old to outgrow the need of being
loved in return by someone, in this case, your
daughter.
Above all, acknowledge that this is your life
too, and it is changing around you whether
you like it or not. Instead of panicking, take
this opportunity to explore new interests, hobbies
and extend your social network. The fuller
your life, the less time you will have to worry
about your daughter. It is time to let her go
and above all, she will love you more for it and
leave for UK knowing that you will be there for
her, should she ever need you. - Jennifer
MY DISABLED BROTHER WORRIES MY
MAN
I’ve been dating a nice man for three
years now and we have been talking
about marriage, but there is something
standing in our way. My younger brother
Are freshly baked
cakes and pastries
your downfall? If
so you must visit
the new Pasteleria
in Puerto de
Mazarrón, in
the square
next to
Supermarket
“Upper”.
There is an
excellent
range of
delicious
hand made
b r e a d ,
cakes of all
types, Dutch
cakes and
biscuits, all
at surprisingly good
prices.
has Down’s syndrome and currently lives
with my elderly parents. Eventually, he
will become my responsibility which I
have accepted for a long time. However,
my boyfriend, who has little experience
with special needs people, isn’t keen
on the idea of my brother living with us
someday. I don’t know what to do as I
love both my brother and my boyfriend.
- Gemma.
Dear Gemma,
Down’s syndrome children and adults provide
both challenges and immense joy to their families.
In fact, a major Spanish swimwear label
has just signed up a little girl with Down’s syndrome
to front their mega-bucks advertising
campaign worldwide, which will be testament
that special needs children and adults are just
as capable of leading exciting, positive and
fulfi lling lives - just like us.
However, as you will assume responsibility for
your brother someday, it is good that you are
having a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend.
The truth is that no-one knows what the future
may hold and your boyfriend may have to
share this responsibility with you sooner rather
than later. Perhaps you could introduce him
to other parents of special needs children, as
a gentle introduction to assuming responsibility.
It is nothing to be feared, but sometimes
ignorance and negativity can infl uence and
impair rational judgement. Don’t let this ruin
your chance of happiness. If he is the right
man for you, he’ll support you and accept your
brother for the challenges and joy he will bring
to your relationship. – Jennifer
Jennifer Rahman is a qualifi ed and experienced
life coach, NLP practitioner and Emotional
Wellness Coach. If you would like her to
answer your questions, please send an email
to Jennifer at: jennifer@lifemaxxinternational.com.
Confi dentiality is respected.
You can order cakes for that special
occasion and they can prepare a cake
with an hour’s notice if necessary. For that
special event such as birthdays, weddings,
christenings etc, call and have a chat and
the owners of
the Pasteleria
will help you
decide exactly
what is right
for you.
The Pasteleria
is open from
9am until 3pm
all through
September.
Give them a
try!
Please tell tell our customers where where you saw their advertisement in the the Costa Cálida Chronicle
To place an advertisement with us please see page 4 or contact Teresa 619 199 407
www.costacalidachronicle.com email: costacalidachronicle@gmail.com