Tigerlilly - Lobsang Rampa

was something more to life than just enjoying yourself and
getting what you could out of it. I knew that if I tried to evade
the situation, avoid my responsibilities, something, even some-
one, somewhere, would be affected, and that my action, were I
to defect from the path I had taken, could become a major
problem and at least result in great personal loss. It gave me
great satisfaction, in our more placid moments when Carl
would say that his present life was the happiest he had ever
known, and that he found my companionship very satisfying.
In the early days of our acquaintance he used to tell me that
from the spiritual and mental angle alone he would have found
my outlook just as interesting whether I had been a man or a
woman! I interpreted that as being a delightful tribute to
another human being, and it was his custom to utter such
remarks at unexpected moments.
In the early days I used plenty of ‘make-up’ in the way of
beauty aids and this did not appeal to him at all. He used to
say, ‘Ra'ab, you know exactly the amount of make-up you
need to make you look attractive to the right degree!’ This
went on until finally I gave up altogether because that was
what he liked best. No doubt but that he had used a bit of
psychology there. Still, if you don't want to please your
husband, who else matters? It is said that women often dress
for each other, and often not to the other's advantage—they
try to vie with each other and one can only come to the con-
clusion that they are so lacking in self-confidence that each one
tries to out-do the other to make up for this feeling of inferior-
ity!!!
Before I knew Carl I had my picture taken, and I gave it to
him after we met; to my surprise I saw it hanging on the wall
of his apartment one day and he had altered it. ‘What hap-
pened to my earrings,’ I wanted to know. ‘Oh, I painted them
out,’ quoth he, I didn't like them!’ Carl could not bear arti-
ficiality in any form and I used to be reminded of the Pharaoh
Akhenaten, ‘the heretic’ as I have always had an overpowering
interest in Egyptology. This Pharaoh, who is described as
being physically deformed, refused to be depicted in any other
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