A Review of the Literature on Three Types of Disenfranchised Grief ...

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socially defined roles, rituals, and expectations for <strong>the</strong> grandparent grieving process. Both Gyulay (1975) and Ponzetti & Johnson (1991) described grandparents as <strong>the</strong>forgotten grievers because after a child's death, attention is generally focused on <strong>the</strong> grief <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> parents and immediate family. Similarly, Nehari et aI. (2007) found that grandparents reported experiencing mixed feelings about <strong>the</strong> legitimacy <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong>ir grief and feeling excluded from grieving processes and rituals. Consequences. The overall lack <strong>of</strong> attention given to grandparent bereavement and grief has several negative consequences for grandparents (De Frain et aI., 1991; Fry, 1997; Galinsky, 2001; Nehari et aI., 2007; Ponzetti, 1992; Ponzetti & Johnson, 1991; White et aI., 2008). When grandparents continuously receive messages that <strong>the</strong> loss is not <strong>the</strong>irs to grieve or that <strong>the</strong>ir grief is less important than that <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> immediate family, it can cause <strong>the</strong>m to question <strong>the</strong> legitimacy <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong>ir grief. One bereaved grandparent described her feelings in this way: "I'm afraid to talk with <strong>the</strong> children for fear that I will say <strong>the</strong> wrong thing or put my own pain before my daughter's. After all, my first thoughts should be for my daughter's pain (Fry, 1997, p. 128). A second consequence <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> disenfranchisement <strong>of</strong> grandparent grief is <strong>the</strong> intensification <strong>of</strong> emotional reactions. Emotions that are typically experienced following a death such as sadness, anger, and loneliness are <strong>of</strong>ten especially intense for grandparents (De Frain et aI., 1991; Fry, 1997; Galinsky, 2001; Nehari et aI., 2007; Ponzetti & Johnson, 1991). Due to <strong>the</strong>ir unique situation, grandparents are also likely to experience additional emotional conflicts including shame, guilt, and feelings <strong>of</strong> helplessness (De Frain et aI., 1991; Fry, 1997; Galinsky, 2001; Ponzetti & Johnson, 1991). Because grandparents are <strong>of</strong>ten deprived <strong>of</strong> social recognition and support, <strong>the</strong>y are more likely to have difficulty effectively coping with <strong>the</strong> loss (Doka, 2002). Grandparents may feel guilty or ashamed <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong>ir own grief, and may attempt to minimize it so 18
that <strong>the</strong>y can focus on caring for and SUppOlting grieving family members (Fry, 1997; Galinsky, 2001). As a result <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong>ir exclusion and lack <strong>of</strong> acknowledgment, grandparents <strong>of</strong>ten experience a sense <strong>of</strong> isolation or alienation (Galinsky, 2001; Nehari, et ai., 2007). All <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong>se findings serve as evidence that grandparent grief is disenfranchised. Despite <strong>the</strong> fact that grandparents experience intense grief, <strong>the</strong>y are denied social recognition and acknowledgement. Grandparents are not <strong>of</strong>fered adequate social support and are instead expected to support o<strong>the</strong>rs; this deprives <strong>the</strong>m <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong> opportunity to process <strong>the</strong>ir emotions and focus on <strong>the</strong>ir own needs-"I blocked out <strong>the</strong> fact that he was dead. I did not want to upset my daughter by breaking down, and <strong>the</strong>y needed me to be strong. I had no one to hold me up." (De Frain et ai., 1991, p. 172). Doka (2002) defines five typologies <strong>of</strong> disenfranchised grief: relationship not recognized, loss not acknowledged, griever excluded, circumstances <strong>of</strong> death, and ways individuals grieve. Doka also notes that it is important to recognize that <strong>the</strong> five typologies <strong>of</strong> disenfranchised grief are not mutually exclusive. On a general level, grandparent grief is disenfranchised because <strong>the</strong> significance <strong>of</strong><strong>the</strong> relationship is not recognized. However in certain situations, additional reasons for disenfranchisement may be present and can fur<strong>the</strong>r complicate <strong>the</strong> grandparent's bereavement situation. For example, <strong>the</strong> grandchild's death may not be recognized (e.g. a miscarriage), <strong>the</strong> grandparent may be mentally ill, developmentally disabled, or very old, <strong>the</strong> death may be stigmatized (e.g. a suicide), or <strong>the</strong> grandparent may grieve in ways that are not socially recognized. The first time grandparent grief was addressed in <strong>the</strong> literature was by Gyulay in 1975 when she noted that grandparents are "forgotten grievers" and that grandparent bereavement is a unique and lonely experience. Although <strong>the</strong> term "disenfranchised grief' had not yet been 19
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A Review of the Literature on Three Types of Disenfranchised Grief ...

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