A Review of the Literature on Three Types of Disenfranchised Grief ...

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contribute to feelings <strong>of</strong> embarrassment and shame and a general lack <strong>of</strong> recognition, acknowledgment, and support from o<strong>the</strong>rs (De Simone, 1996; Lauderdale & Boyle, 1994). Birthmo<strong>the</strong>rs also report feeling ignored and misunderstood by family, friends, and health care service providers (Askren & Bloom, 1999; De Simone, 1996; Lauderdale & Boyle, 1994; Logan, 1996). Many have negative experiences with doctors and nurses in <strong>the</strong> hospital during and after <strong>the</strong> delivery. Birthmo<strong>the</strong>rs are commonly encouraged to simply forget about <strong>the</strong> relinquishment and continue on with <strong>the</strong>ir lives as if nothing had happened (De Simone, 1996; Lauderdale & Boyle, 1994; Logan, 1996). One birthmo<strong>the</strong>r described her experience at <strong>the</strong> hospital in this way: "It was as if I had a disease ra<strong>the</strong>r than a baby" (Lauderdale & Boyle, 1994, p. 214). Ano<strong>the</strong>r woman emphasized <strong>the</strong> fact that her birth was regarded by hospital staff as a negative and shameful event and that positive and helpful comments were rare: "I only remember one nurse who actually said 'Congratulations, you have a beautiful baby'. I was thrilled, that comment meant so much to me" (Lauderdale & Boyle, 1994, p. 215). Secrecy surrounding <strong>the</strong> relinquishment, feelings <strong>of</strong> embarrassment and shame, lack <strong>of</strong> recognition and acknowledgment from o<strong>the</strong>rs, and social misunderstanding all serve to lessen <strong>the</strong> amount <strong>of</strong> social support available to birthmo<strong>the</strong>rs. When <strong>the</strong>re is less social support available, feelings <strong>of</strong> alienation and isolation are more likely. In addition, birthmo<strong>the</strong>rs will have fewer opportunities to express <strong>the</strong>ir emotions which can block <strong>the</strong> grief process and inhibit coping (De Simone, 1996; Lauderdale & Boyle, 1994; Logan, 1996). Relinquishing birthmo<strong>the</strong>rs report experiencing intense, long-lasting grief over <strong>the</strong> loss <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong>ir child. Although it is <strong>of</strong>ten assumed that <strong>the</strong> baby is relinquished before a mo<strong>the</strong>r-child bond can form, birthmo<strong>the</strong>rs agree that giving a child up for adoption is a significant and painful loss. Following this loss, bitthmo<strong>the</strong>rs generally experience intense emotions including sadness, 22
anger, guilt, regret, anguish, rumination, numbness, anxiety, depression, isolation, and feelings <strong>of</strong> powerlessness (Ashen & Bloom, 1999; De Simone, 1996; Henney et at., 2007; Lauderdale & Boyle, 1994; Logan, 1996). Some birthmo<strong>the</strong>rs report feeling as if something <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong>irs had been "stolen" or "taken away" and described "feelings <strong>of</strong> <strong>the</strong>ir own limbs being removed, <strong>of</strong> being tom, <strong>of</strong> being severed from <strong>the</strong>ir bodies and souls" (Lauderdale & Boyle, 1994, p. 215). Following <strong>the</strong> relinquishment, many birthmo<strong>the</strong>rs continue to experience intense longing for <strong>the</strong>ir child and many fantasize about reuniting with <strong>the</strong> child in <strong>the</strong> future. Searching behavior is also common among birthmo<strong>the</strong>rs; while some are satisfied after leaming that <strong>the</strong> child is alive and well, o<strong>the</strong>rs choose to actually locate and meet <strong>the</strong> child (Askren & Bloom, 1999; Lauderdale & Boyle, 1994; Logan, 1996). Relinquishing a child for adoption is a significant loss and, as such, has a significant and long-term impact on <strong>the</strong> birthmo<strong>the</strong>r's life. Problems with prolonged and unresolved grief are common among birthmo<strong>the</strong>rs for a variety <strong>of</strong> reasons. First, <strong>the</strong> lack <strong>of</strong> acknowledgment, recognition, understanding, and social support addressed earlier serves to inhibit <strong>the</strong> grief process. Ano<strong>the</strong>r contributing factor is that immediately following <strong>the</strong> birth, relinquishing mo<strong>the</strong>rs are <strong>of</strong>ten discouraged from seeing, holding, or naming <strong>the</strong> baby. While this advice may be given with <strong>the</strong> best <strong>of</strong> intentions, it can ultimately serve to block <strong>the</strong> grief process by depriving <strong>the</strong> birthmo<strong>the</strong>r <strong>of</strong> memories that will make <strong>the</strong> child and <strong>the</strong> loss seem real to her and provide her with closure. In addition, <strong>the</strong> knowledge that <strong>the</strong> child is still alive can make <strong>the</strong> loss ambiguous and make it difficult for <strong>the</strong> birthmo<strong>the</strong>r to fully grieve (Askren & Bloom, 1999; De Simone, 1996; Henney et aI., 2007; Lauderdale & Boyle, 1994). This birthmo<strong>the</strong>r's thoughts illustrate <strong>the</strong> lack <strong>of</strong> finality and closure in adoption loss: "It's almost like a death, only it's kind 23
Page 2 and 3: Author: Davidson, Hannah M. The Gra
Page 4 and 5: The Graduate School University <str
Page 6 and 7: Chapter I: Introduction There are c
Page 8 and 9: 2. Loss not acknowledged: losses ar
Page 10 and 11: among the emotions
Page 12 and 13: disenfranchised grief situation fal
Page 14 and 15: Introduction to Grandparent Grief C
Page 16 and 17: Another important
Page 18 and 19: socially defined roles, rituals, an
Page 20 and 21: coined, Gyulay seemed to have recog
Page 24 and 25: of worse because y
Page 26 and 27: onding with their
Page 28 and 29: Introduction to Grief of</s
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Page 32 and 33: Many bereaved ex-spouses repOli fee
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Page 36 and 37: McRoy, Grotevant, & Bryant, 1997).
Page 38 and 39: papers like Aloi's, as well as empi
Page 40 and 41: References Aloi, 1.A. (2009). Nursi
Page 42 and 43: Hyrkas, K., Kaunonen, M., & Paunone

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