july-2011

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COMEDIAN AND TRAVEL CHANNEL PRESENTER DANNY ROBINS ON BEACH GAMES
FOOTBALL MAY BE “THE BEAUTIFUL GAME”,
horse racing may be “the sport of kings” but,
in my opinion, if you want a pursuit that truly
embodies nobility, grace and sheer blooming
fun, there can be only one option: Swingball.
Yes, when I’m on holiday, there’s nothing I like
more than standing on a beach using a rubbish
bat to repeatedly whack a tennis ball tied to
a post. Usually until it becomes very tangled.
It’s so… pure. One person, one bat, one ball,
repeated thudding noises – and all of your family
asking you to stop because it’s really annoying.
OK, I have a confession to make – I’m a
beach fidgeter. I’m that annoying friend who
as soon as you’ve got settled with your book,
wants you to get up and play Frisbee. There
are two kinds of people in the world: those who
see sand and want to lie on it, chillaxing, and
those who see it and want to run around like a
38 WWW.RYANAIRMAG.COM
hyperactive toddler tanked up on fizzy drinks.
I’m in the second camp. Football, boules,
cricket, competitive sand castle building,
counting seagulls – you wanna play? I’m in.
And what about that moment when you
realise that your beach games are actually
being encouraged by the authorities – when
you find a volleyball net? I love beach volley.
It always amuses me that it is officially in the
Olympics. It seems less a sport and more a
chance to ogle people in swimming costumes.
Or even without costumes. For some reason
volleyball nets seem to be most often found on
nudist beaches. I can’t think why. It’s the only
Olympic event where you have to delete your
internet history after looking it up.
Once, on a holiday in France, I actually
invented my own sport – Water Rugby. The
rules were simple: you had to get a ball from
one side of the swimming pool to the other and
your opponent (my wife) had to stop you. I have
never met anybody as naturally competitive
as my wife. She’s so competitive that, when
we got married, she raced me down the aisle.
Water Rugby was terrifying – what started
as good-natured splashing quickly started to
resemble the fi nal battle scene from The Lord of
the Rings. I lasted about 10 minutes then retired
with several bruises and water in my ears.
“Once on holiday, I actually invented my own sport — Water Rugby”
ART
Swingball is much safer. If you haven’t tried
it, you really must. One day, I hope to open a
SYNERGY /
special club for fellow devotees of the sport. We
could call ourselves Swingers. I’ll just look that WILSON
up on the internet to see if the name has already
been taken. Oh, hang on… crikey… it seems to SPENCER
be something to do with beach volleyball.
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