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SCENE i] THE OLD BACHELOR 47
the finishing of an alderman; it seems I must put the last hand
to it, and dub him cuckold, that he may be of equal dignity
with the rest of his brethren; so I must beg Belinda's
pardon.
Sharp. Faith, e'en give her over for good-and-all; you can
have no hopes of getting her for a mistress; and she is too
proud, too inconstant, too affected and too witty and too
handsome for a wife.
Bell. But she can't have too much money.—There's twelve
thousand pounds, Tom.—'Tis true she is excessively foppish
and affected; but in my conscience I believe the baggage
loves me; for she never speaks well of me herself, nor suffers
anybody else to rail at me. Then, as I told you, there's
twelve thousand pounds—hum—Why, faith, upon second
thoughts, she does not appear to be so very affected neither.
—Give her her due, I think the woman's a woman, and
that's all. As such I am sure I shall like her, for the devil
take me if I don't love all the sex.
Sharp. And here comes one who swears as heartily he
hates all the sex.
Enter HEARTWELL.
Bell. Who? Heartwell? ay, but he knows better things.—
How now, George, where hast thou been snarling odious
truths, and entertaining company like a physician, with
discourse of their diseases and infirmities? What fine lady
hast thou been putting out of conceit with herself, and
persuading that the face she had been making all the
morning was none of her own? for I know thou art as
unmannerly and as unwelcome to a woman as a lookingglass
after the small-pox.
Heart. I confess I have not been sneering fulsome lies
and nauseous flattery, fawning upon a little tawdry whore
that will fawn upon me again, and entertain any puppy that
rnmes, like a tumbler, with the same tricks over and over.
For such I guess may have been your late employment.
Bell. Would thou hadst come a little sooner! Vainlove
would have wrought thy conversion, and been a champion
for the cause.
Heart. What, has he been here? That's one of love's Aprilfools,
is always upon some errand that's to no purpose,
ever embarking in adventures, yet never comes to harbour.