<strong>Common</strong> <strong>Sense</strong> <strong>101</strong>: <strong>Engineering</strong> The Vulva. My favourite picture in the book. Fab, innit. Page 96
I 48. Shocking am a fairly good handyman. I can fix lots of things around the house, and have even built some of the stuff in my house. But one thing I stay away from is electricals. Except for changing light bulbs and plugging in the power cord of appliances and computers, I don’t touch anything electrical. I am afraid if I try to fix anything electrical, even such a thing as small as a wall switch, I’ll get the shock of my life. It’s not as if I don’t understand the mechanical parts of any electrical device. I could fix a wall switch, if I were assured that there’s no current flowing through it. But since I can’t be so assured, I just don’t touch the damn thing. Well, as a consumer I have to ask myself, why should this be the case? Nowadays pretty much everything has an electrical component: even some modern picture frames (and who would have thought, twenty years ago, that you’d have to plug in your picture frame?) So why can’t we simply unplug anything electrical that isn’t working, fix it, and then plug it in back again? Why, for instance, can’t we do that with wall switches and ceiling fans? In fact, why isn’t there a small LED light attached to all these things which lights up when it’s live, and goes off when there’s no current flowing though it, so as to indicate that it’s safe to now try and fix it? They have such things on computers and cell phones, and even on some exceedingly cheap pocket calculators and digital watches, so why can’t they have it on everything connected to a live current? I know what you’re going to say: we shouldn’t let just anybody fix electrical things, because they may fix them in a dangerous way: we should only let licensed electricians fix electrical things. But that ship has already sailed. Ordinary people already can fix anything that can be unplugged: even electric toasters (than which there is hardly anything more dangerous around the house, but we’ll let that pass for now). The only question remaining now is, why isn’t everything unpluggable? Or unscrewable, like light bulbs? (As an aside, even light bulbs should not require screwing in: nothing should require screwing in. Don’t get me started on my favourite rant: against screws. Screws are the absolute worst invention in the history of engineering. For one thing, they come loose with vibration: in fact, racing motorcycles have to have all their screws and nuts and bolts drilled and threaded with wire which has to be tied securely to the bike’s frame, because race organisers are afraid of the screws coming loose while racing, causing accidents. If this can happen in a two-hour race, just imagine what can happen in a lifetime of riding. Then there’s the near-impossibility of finding a screw that has come loose and fallen somewhere inaccessible—or even lost altogether. The hardware store has a gazillion replacement screws and bolts and nuts, no doubt, but good luck finding the correct one from among them, especially if the part into which it needs to be threaded is fixed to your bike or car, and so can’t be taken into the store to try them all out. Of course screws also need tightening every now and then, as IKEA proudly (!?!) reminds its customers in every single one of its instruction pamphlets. Then there’s the possibility of stripping the screw’s head or threads while trying to get it loose, which often happens when the screw has been in for a long time and maybe even gotten corroded. Once that happens, good luck trying to get the screw out—and even if you succeed, it’s nearimpossible to get a replacement screw back in. Of course screws also roll off the table just like pills, pencils and chopsticks, about which we complained earlier. Then, inserting a screw into something above your head using only one hand, while holding onto your ladder for dear life with the other, can be, to say the least, challenging: screwdrivers aren’t built to actually grip the screw they are driving. Of course, screws also require lots of turns of the screw, which makes them time consuming—and admittedly that problem is somewhat alleviated with electric screwdrivers, but why should you need one in your toolbox? Trust me, for all these and a dozen more reasons, every time you incorporate screws into your product you are screwing over your customers; and they are not going to like that. The only time screwing is good is when screwing.) Anyhow. Where were we. Yes, plugging electricals in. Everything electrical can, and should, be made easily plug-in-able and plug-out-able: just like an iMac. That also goes for the electricals in your car. It should not be hard to do. You’re the engineers: figure it out! Page 97
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