T HE C ENACLE / A PRIL - The ElectroLounge

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23 Raymond Soulard, Jr. Secret Joy Amongst These Times: The History of Scriptor Press, 1995 to the Present “Think for yourself & question authority” —Dr. Timothy Leary Chapter Seven continued from The Cenacle/ 50 / December 2003 Perhaps I’ve died many deaths in this lifetime; I’ve heard reincarnation on occasion defined this way. Perhaps the psychedelic sacrament effects this cataclysm when necessary. Perhaps the energies within & without collaborate to bring about the smashing end & raw renewal a soul upon its own cannot cause. Perhaps there is no perhaps in any of this. I rode high & crazed psychedelic torrents into the new century, atwist in my small tent among the many thousands comprising the Big Cypress music festival the rockband Phish had thrown, 100,000 of us gathered to groove into the new millennium. Money in my hand signified nothing; the words in my notebook meant nothing; I didn’t know where I was & barely who I was. What if I went insane? What if this acid trip, some 20 hits, likely much more, was the one that “permafried” me? I heard a war going on outside my tent’s shell, screams & explosions; slow it took for me to realize they were fireworks & joyous whoops. I’d been cowering for hours alone, gone to no-places, past cruel images of my youth’s sufferings flung through my mind’s vision to mock & hurt me again. Feelings of embarrassment, anger, sadness. Broken brothers, poor meals & scarce, endless traps rolling me ever back to sloughs of hopeless . . . Tick tock . . . Tick tock . . . Tick tock . . .eventually the cheers told me something good was happening, really, out there, yes, the music. What had Drumbumm, my traveling companion said, those years of hours ago? “Follow the music. It will always bring you home.” Could it? OK. I staggered out into the night, toward the concert field. Phish! Yes! Oh gosh! Phish! The chuckling rhythms, the spritely melodies, follow, follow it, I’m coming, coming home, here I am, me & my insistent notebook. All night to dance & talk to this needful soul & that laughing one. The songs, endless stream The Cenacle / 51-52 / Winter 2004
24 of them, yes, the music, I am here, I am home. Toward morning still awake, still laughing, finding my traveling companions where they promised they’d be, & we see in the century’s first day as Phish leaves the stage to the Beatles crooning “Here Comes the Sun,” this moment, many years ago. I write on & on, the final poem of a sequence, Two Vessels, I’d begun many months before, on the long road West to Burning Man 1999: the magic spell begins every morning every day living breathing any kind of gesture to the good, here comes someone, ask him the way home, ask his friend, smile, how’s the day & what may evolve, “just chillin’, bro, going to a party tonight & just chillin’. Wanna come? What’s your name? Sigh. So began 2000. We later packed the black van, my little tribe, &rolled out of the Everglades north, smiling, onward, using a clean restroom, first time in days, & on into the Ocala forest of northern Florida. Within those woods I decided much. A long day tripping among the Rainbow Family, a transcontinentally scattered band of off-the-grid folks living with nature, far from technocratic empiric AmeriKKKa. Oh the temptation, to stay with them, disappear from the need to find a job, pay rent, roam usually lootless the ever-less-loved streets of Boston. Could I? I could. Would I? No. I had things to do back there in the money-rusting world, Art to make, resistance to aid, healing to pursue, it was not yet my time to step off the grid. One day, yeh, but not yet. So the trek north continued, I bid goodbye my friends in Columbia, South Carolina, to spend a dear day of books & new ideas with my collaborator Barbara Brannon. Then the Greyhound hauled me on the rest of the way back to Boston. Done with school, so many years at it but really done, I sought work &lucked into a long-term temp job at Harvard Business School Publishing. “Quality Control,” a sort of proofreading job, good money, no security, a cublicle in an ugly big box of a building but freedom to do my thing as long as my work finished timely daily. I dug deep into the Internet for community, music, freak weirdness. Other work too: editing Thomas Wolfe’s O Lost(original version of Look Homeward, Angel) for Brannon’s University of South Carolina Press. Most importantly, Scriptor Press. Many projects. My ElectroLounge website I worked at steadily, refining & improving every few days. More content by Scriptor Press authors, more meaningful links to sites variously progressive &psychedelic. The FCC shut down Radio Free Cambridge in January but up rose Allston-Brighton Free Radio in February, & so my “Within’s Within” program moved along. Playing the music, reading the work to promote the culture i call my own. Huxley, Leary, McKenna. Beatles, Phish, Pink Floyd. LSD, mescaline, psilocybin. Little of an audience but ABFR’s leader, Steve Provizer, schemed constant. The Cenacle / 51-52 / Winter 2004
Page 1 and 2: T HE C ENACLE / APRIL 2001 /1 Ray S
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Page 5 and 6: T HE C ENACLE / APRIL 2001 /5 I exc
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Page 9 and 10: 16 / THE C ENACLE / JUNE 2001 [T]he
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Page 13 and 14: 20 / THE C ENACLE / JUNE 2001 His t
Page 15 and 16: 22 / THE C ENACLE / JUNE 2001 i’m
Page 17 and 18: 31 featured her “Artist’s Sketc
Page 19 and 20: 7 RAYMOND SOULARD,, JR.. Secret Joy
Page 21 and 22: 9 Godd is a journey . . . Godd is t
Page 23 and 24: 11 A month after I leave [my job],
Page 25 and 26: 13 from the Picasso Exhibition” b
Page 27 and 28: 82 plus a “psychedelic dialogue
Page 29 and 30: 84 awareness, & New-Age psychology
Page 31 and 32: 86 of the cast that winter finally
Page 33 and 34: 88 This has become a very important
Page 35 and 36: 90 imaginary life, and to do so wit
Page 37 and 38: 28 Silicon Valley); Washington, D.C
Page 39 and 40: 30 I didn’t receive any money; it
Page 41 and 42: 32 disclosing to her the secrets of
Page 43 and 44: 34 dusty feathers, the clouds with
Page 45 and 46: 36 scanner, QuarkXPress, Photoshop,
Page 47: 38 figured out by the fireworks sou
Page 51 and 52: 26 gathering shit.” Him now sick
Page 53 and 54: 28 And it’s your hand as I walk a
Page 55 and 56: 45 Raymond Soulard, Jr. Secret Joy
Page 57 and 58: 47 my branches, I was/and thy soul/
Page 59 and 60: 49 I never knew how much he really
Page 61 and 62: 51 I’d become one with my fixtion
Page 63 and 64: 53 even inanimate objects. The spee
Page 65 and 66: 55 beautiful & cryptic fiction “F
Page 69 and 70: Once again I engaged my collaborato
Page 71 and 72: In December I made an effort to pro
Page 73 and 74: 56 slowly failing. The girl I’d c
Page 75 and 76: 58 Like a few times after bad perio
Page 77 and 78: 60 but buoyed from my trip. The Har
Page 81 and 82: C48 features the opening dozen poem
Page 83 and 84: issue’s opening piece, “Why I T
Page 85 and 86: cried with music as though the whol
Page 87 and 88: The last of the half dozen new titl
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Page 95 and 96: 29 and the Moon”; Judih Haggai’
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33 needlessly, a city was destroyed
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35 6x36 Nocturnes features the last
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29 Raymond Soulard, Jr. Secret Joy
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31 We vow to live this world in all
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33 Early April saw the release of S
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35 City. I heard she moved West, be
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37 continuation of Cenacle 57’s,
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39 New York City, & in it he issues
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41 lies. Some artists create from d
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119 So it was a close family issue,
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121 with fewer reasons than ever, t
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123 blare & swoop from between our
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125 kid, among my pencils & noteboo
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127 I kept writing because I had to
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129 taboo on psychedelic psychother
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131 Federico, Skype—two strangely
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25 yearning. I wanted to revive it,
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27 followed: audio of the Jellicle
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29 “Dash Point” for a pretty ca
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31 decentness places him, in my vie
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33 René Magritte, Pierre-Auguste R
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35 1. Doubt any person’s absolute
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37 the instructions given on how to
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39 year in a row, first time while
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41 My fixtion Why? pursues deeper i
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43 Listener statistics. A reputatio
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45 I believe that those who reach t
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47 Finally, James Fadiman’s “Op
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6 restore the domestic safety net o
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8 downloaded (or at least printed).
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10 I think this poem catches finely
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12 One can use the arguments of mys
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14 seed of some future enlightenmen
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16 dwells upon: There is in this na
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18 from its cover portrait of a bro
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20 One night I danced in an electri
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22 swept away one september  whil
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24 We All Become Stars When We Die
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26 me writing & writing. Great rock
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28 but this answer does not penetra
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