Raymond Soulard, Jr. New Songs (for Kassandra) - The ...

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64 We remain vaguely located awhile longer—there is a rosiness to where we are—rosy pinkness perhaps—swirls vaporous & damp about us—Rebecca in my arms & my true love is whom I feel—they are similar yes but more so—to love one is to love the other—leaves of one tree?—berries? flowers? shadows? sunlight? to hold her hand is to hold hers as well— I do not know what this means— Beyond charts & scriptures with the muse/wife who companions & haunts me in every world I travel, a girl, a goddess, an artist, daughter of a man I more discovered than contrived over 20 years ago She is light, she is music, she is stone Her blood parents lost forever it seems She bears her beloved father’s adoration & agreed ago to be my wife— She looks at me curious & smirking, always more confident of me than I am of late— “Let it happen. Be here now. Be Here Now. Be Here NOW.” I climb within her heart & settle in with my pen & notebook & into the book called Why? I write: “There can be no lasting bliss in this mortal life til nearly everything ever known, ever felt, ever lived, ever chased, ever bitten, ever touched, ever, ever, is gone, til one’s cell is the air, one’s scripture the bees, til one brushes with sun’s light moon’s light candle’s light, til one’s body reserves just a little golden moisture, til memory is nonsense, dreams bunk, play obvious, polity fool, all truth & future apparent in a lick, a fallen leaf, a snapping breeze—” I stop. She’s gone. Did I hear her say “goodbye”? I don’t know. She’s gone, rumbling within me. “Let it be. Await.” & gone. Silence. Let it be. Await. I disappear too but not very long. Let it be. Await. What is immutable phalanx, ka-tet, twined now always, sugar & water, my pen moves with difficulty, slowly, but indeed it moves, await, let it be, make Art for world to come, speak directly & know that these words do go: I love you, my wife & muse & forever love, toward you ever I careen, for you my pen staggers on, with you my heart ever resides, I love you, muse, wife, glory, goddess, tonight I near you, as ever, & we ever create our own world, our coming world. The Cenacle | 59 | October 2006
65 She has disappeared within me as I approach her, days left now, mere days, til the cataclysmic moment, the timeless immolation of touch on touch, breath in breath, what cannot be named once but an infinite times All my worlds will come together at this moment of faith exploding, new life joined, & Rebecca will not return before then, she will return with the explosion— OK?” “Barkeep” “Yes?” “What’s wrong with him in the corner? He’s writing something & moaning. He “He will be. Another?” “Sure, thanks.” “This one’s gratis.” “Why?” “So we can toast him being OK” “Ahh” “Cheers, bud” “Cheers, barkeep” The raw confession these stories have always been will become rawer still in the coming days. I don’t care if they’re read or understood, if they survive me— I am nearing my profoundest moment yet of being—April 2, 2002 at the Greyhound bus station in Portland, Oregon. Meeting my true love, wife, muse, twin flame I can tell no other story til that moment—I can only tell of going there & what happens— fixtion is for now truth unprettied—the pen is steady & hopeful—my heart is true—my Art is devoted to her— What comes next few days each hour a surprise, a hunger, a star briefly mortal & grounded before passing on— Months, & this page stayed blank. Now, & continue. The mingling of my lives until a gridlock, pen mute, sheets thirsty— Now, & movement— “Rebecca” “Raymond” “You can hear me?” “Yes” “Where are you?” “Here, with you” “I feel you, & don’t” “Yes” “I’ve not lost you?” “No. Nor her!” The Cenacle | 59 | October 2006
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Struck me kinda funny seemed kind o
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Assistant Editor: Kassandra Soulard
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1 Revolution Evolution George Dorn
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3 Thus, for a revolution to be trul
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5 References Joyce, James. Ulysses.
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7 Raymond Soulard, Jr. New Songs (f
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9 Wrack What fury tonight in old le
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11 Absolution “Our only guide is
Page 23 and 24: 13 Compel What convincing to live i
Page 25 and 26: 15 Holy (i) Between two shadows, up
Page 27 and 28: 17 Zero It was crush sun by sun, fl
Page 29 and 30: 19 Power What cross between humble
Page 31 and 32: 21 Doctrine Romance the hard rhythm
Page 33 and 34: 23 Carson McCullers A Tree A Rock
Page 35 and 36: 25 “It was like this,” the man
Page 37 and 38: 27 “A woman,” the old man said.
Page 39 and 40: 29 Ric Amante Her Radiant Upward Va
Page 41 and 42: 31 Dream #9 I watched it fall from
Page 43 and 44: 33 Raymond Soulard, Jr. Notes from
Page 45 and 46: 35 I don’t advocate use of psyche
Page 47 and 48: 37 Judih Haggai First Then Last I s
Page 49 and 50: 39 Crystallized Crumbs When lost ch
Page 51 and 52: 41 bent like a reed wind swift to s
Page 53 and 54: 43 Inner Autumn The leaves hang hum
Page 55 and 56: 45 Raymond Soulard, Jr. Things Chan
Page 57 and 58: 47 Far more yes than no in recent y
Page 59 and 60: 49 “I’m OK, Reb” “Sure?”
Page 61 and 62: 51 “Yes. There’s no pressure. N
Page 63 and 64: 53 Grey sips & waits— Just to be
Page 65 and 66: 55 She looks at me all blue eyes so
Page 67 and 68: 57 “Hesitate little but hurryeth
Page 69 and 70: 59 “Thou canst prove there is wat
Page 71 and 72: 61 he nods at me & I continue: yes,
Page 73: 63 Knickerbocker stares bluntly at
Page 77 and 78: 67 “I’m scared. I’m on a bus
Page 79 and 80: 69 I haven’t found my home yet so
Page 81 and 82: 71 Gretta grins. “Yes! Oh! She ha
Page 83 and 84: 73 I think: can this story still ma
Page 85 and 86: 75 I know. Next year I’ll be with
Page 87 and 88: 77 dust accumulates— Dream of dan
Page 89 and 90: 79 Dr. Timothy Leary Using LSD to I
Page 91 and 92: 81 Emmanuelle Brochier The Cenacle
Page 93 and 94: 83 The key here is the guide’s ab
Page 95 and 96: 85 thread is used by the lamas to e
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