Raymond Soulard, Jr. New Songs (for Kassandra) - The ...

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“You’re not at ease with your newer ways of knowing”
“No”
Rebecca’s sketch deepens; I can’t tell of its form though.
“Why have you been pursuing deeper ways of knowing?”
“For her. To protect her & understand her.”
“Are you usually right?”
“Yeah, right or close.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“You still doubt?”
“Yes. I have to.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know!” we both laugh.
“Now it’s 19 days later & she’s been to Seattle & fled me twice—”
“Yes”
“And?”
“You know more than you did”
“I guess so”
“Again, Ray: what if it’s not over? It isn’t. A few days apart in the bigger picture adds
to nothing. She’s gone nowhere. You know that. Why do you feel such stress & anguish?”
“She ran twice!”
“& she’ll run again!”
“How do I even know—”
“You do. You know better than anyone whose advice you seek”
“Reunion & run”
“Yes”
“Why?”
Rebecca looks at me multiply—an endless curving stretch of faces
“Pain—fear—confusion—blah blah blah”
“What can I do?”
“Be your best righteous self—but do it for you & her—”
“Faith til it hurts—til it feels cartoonish”
“& beyond that”
Gretta Black, Noisy Children’s bassist, sips her coffee & snickers at me. “Here we
are in my own hometown & look at the glum puss on you.”
Rebecca giggles. I nod.
“& for what? A girl so in love with you she can’t stay or leave too long?”
Now they’re hugging & laughing.
“Thanks.”
“He doesn’t get it? I mean he really has no sense of it?”
“No. You’d think he was the one who’s 18 not 38”
I glower.
Gretta kisses my cheek. “You’ve nothing to worry about. She’s hooked. It’s you but
it’s also her. She has not the least idea how to be with you. But she wants to very much.”
“Oh”
The Cenacle | 59 | October 2006