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PRESS START TO PLAY
NOT THE
NEWS
The latest non-happenings in video games
are brought to you by our intrepid reporters
DYLAN BURNS and JAMES O’CONNOR.
Rockstar Games Admits
Bad Working Conditions
In recent months it’s
been uncovered that
working at Rockstar is
no walk in the park. In a
frankly amazing admission,
Rockstar big knobs have
recently released a press
statement admitting that
times in the office can be
tough. “There were days,”
says an annonymous source,
commenting on the release,
“when you’d come into work,
and that fat bastard Pierre
from animation would have
taken the last chocolate-iced
donut. I mean… how were we
meant to function”
The release itself doesn’t
name names, apart from
listing possible bad things
that future whistle blowers
might whinge about on
blogs. Here are some of the
stand-out ones:
The CEO would often
come and stare over
workers’ shoulders.
Sometimes without saying
anything and sniggering
softly… or maybe playing
with the employee’s hair.
Brisbane Man Wins Prize for Saying “lol”
Out Loud for the One Billionth Time
Unbenownst to most of us, both Xbox
Live and the PSN network have secretly
been keeping track of vocal patterns
during online multiplayer sessions. It
seems that one of the keywords being
looked for is ‘lol’, short for ‘I’m a complete
dickhead’. Brisbane man Glen Jackson
got the surprise of his life when a local
TV news crew knocked on his door
and informed him that he was the one
billionth person to utter ‘lol’ online.
“I say lol all the time,” gushed Glen
in the televised interview, “even in place
Double parking did
happen, but only that one
time on Tuesday and that
was because the dump
truck was in the way.
Dress Like a Cowboy
Fridays did get cancelled,
but only because several
programmers refused to
shave or shower over the
space of weeks, and the
word ‘cocksucker’ started to
get used too much in office
banter. The male members
of staff, on the other hand,
behaved wonderfully.
of actually laughing. I think that this
particular time Josh had farted while
eating corn chips and I said ‘lol’. Either
that or it was when I was fragging some
noob’s arse and he was screaming like a
stuck pig! Totally lol-worthy.”
Glen’s prize for being awesome was
a framed LOL statue with his name
engraved on it, and a lifetime membership
to Xbox Live. Rumours are circulating of a
possible film project to do with Glen’s rags
to riches story. Mark Wahlberg has denied
casting rumours.
4 www.pixelhunt.com.au
JANUARY 2011