Cover_Jan 05 (Page 2) - The Parklander Magazine

The Privilege Of Caregiving
By Alice Reiter Feld
This article is dedicated to my father-inlaw,
Sidney Feld, who died on Nov. 21, 2004.
For the last 2 1/2 years, my husband
and I have been the primary caregivers
for my husband’s parents. I do not mean
to imply that we took care of them on a
daily basis. On the contrary, we have a
great deal of help — the result of proper
financial planning during their healthy
years and accessing all the necessary outside resources.
We were lucky to have prepared in advance because even with
good planning and a lot of help, caregiving is incredibly difficult,
exhausting and stressful. However, even if a loved one has not
properly prepared in advance, there are things families can do to
make the responsibilities a little easier.
In general, aging parents can be a frightening concept for most
of us. We spend our lives being children and being cared for; one
day the tables are turned and we must care for our parents. Most
baby boomers grew up in good times and this may be our first
experience with really being the “grownup.”
How do we know if our parents need help Well, have you
had any of the following thoughts
My parent’s personality is changing.
My parent is forgetful.
My parent needs help with activities of daily living.
I fear for my parent’s safety.
I fear for the safety of others (as with driving).
The house is a mess.
The finances are a mess.
My parent has physical ailments.
I do not trust what my parent is telling me.
I am uncomfortable with what my parent is telling me
regarding their illnesses
I am putting my head in the sand because I don’t want a
confrontation.
Since loss of capacity is often gradual and may seem to sneak
up on us, we may not see it coming unless we are on the lookout
for the warning signs. The simple answer to when help is needed
is when a person can no longer properly care for themself and is
a danger to themselves or a danger to others.
Where do I get help Fortunately, I am an elder law attorney
so I did not have far to go! I made sure they’re long- term care
insurance was in order and when they got sick, I was in a position
to know how to access additional help.
Once you have sought help and have direction, the task of
caregiving, while still daunting, becomes much more manageable.
You will have the tools to make decisions and the knowledge on
where, how and when to access help. You will have your legal and
financial affairs in order. You will know what, if any, illnesses your
parent has and how they’re being treated. You will know you have
an advocate if you need one. You will have realistic expectations.
You will know how to get help for yourself and budget your time
and energy. In other words, you will have a plan.
“The Privilege of Caregiving,” while difficult, is also an
opportunity to offer care and love to elders who can no longer care
for themselves. By receiving help and allowing yourself to feel all of
the feelings, you make room for the meaningful moments between
you and your parent. That’s the privilege of caregiving. P ●
Alice Reiter Feld, board certified in Elder Law by the State of Florida,
has offices in Ft. Lauderdale, Delray Beach and Tamarac. E-mail her at
reiterfeld@theparklander.com
Not good with ant other offers. Offer expires 1/31/05
Not good with ant other offers. Offer expires 1/31/05
64
the PARKLANDER